It is time for me to tell the truth

I have been on myspace almost three years now, I have been writing blogs for two subscribers to significantly more. From day one though I have harbored a secret that I can no longer keep to myself. On myspace we can never be sure who is who, who is pretending to be what they are not, some popular female bloggers have turned out to have sausages between their legs, while others have proven to be something they are not. Recently there has been a lot of accusations flying around, even people stepping forward with false confessions. Today I want to set the record straight about who I am.

I’m sorry this is really hard for me. I am getting very emotional writing this but please bare with me. I am not the young, handsome, sexual dynamo that you see in the pictures on my page. You see… I… I… I.. am actually…

Wilford Brimley

For all the ladies out there that have offered to sex me up and take my man juice to their face I am sorry I have led you on. All I can offer you now is a nice bowl of oatmeal and a mustache ride. And for the gentlemen that kindly offered me reach arounds, well I have some considerable girth we will have to work around.

I would like to say that I am sorry to you all that I violated your trust in me. I am so ashamed, but I can’t live this lie anymore. I know you all are going to have a lot of questions and I can’t begin to try and cover them all here, but I can assume the biggest one is why?

Well the diabetes commercials just don’t keep me busy like they used to. I needed to do something with my time and between you and me I love young, hot, and wet vag.

In order to get that I would have to exhaust whatever “Cocoon” money I had left on strippers and hookers. Or I also could pick up drifters and use them for my amusement before killing them with an ice pick, like I used to do in the old days, but I just don’t know if I am up to it anymore. Finally I realized that I could get on myspace and pretend to be my slightly retarded nephew Kevin. Frankly it was cheaper to be Kevin and really who couldn’t write at a fourth grade level like he does?

Now you know the truth… I will take on all your question now, I know you have a lot running through your minds, what questions do you have for me, the great Wilford Brimley?