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Irrational Fear

By: Bobby Finstock on 03/13/07 @ 4:55 am

When I was in third grad the teacher read us “Charlotte’s Web”, for some reason the ending of the book with the spider dying freaked me the fuck out. I couldn’t sleep for at least a week after hearing that and I began to have some serious issues in facing mortality. My mom noticed that I wasn’t sleeping well and grilled the information out of me like all good mothers know how to do. A friend of hers was there and said that she thought I was afraid of nuclear war and that I should write Reagan. How the two things connected I have no idea, just like I have no idea how this connects to the rest of my blog.

Anyways since that point I think I have ran across things that have given me irrational phobias that I deal with in everyday life. Such as:

I can’t sleep with my bedroom door open-

It could be 120 degrees out and the only way my room can get ventilation is by opening the door and I won’t do it. For some reason I can’t sleep with my bedroom door open, I will wake up all night and keep popping out of bed thinking someone is in the doorway.

I think that if someone does break into the house that I will be able to hear them opening my door and pop out of bed to fight them. Of course I am the same guy that slept through the Northridge Earthquake as a high school student. Also I would like to point out that whenever I think about fighting the would be robber it is always the fight scene from “They Live”.

I am afraid that something is going to bite me on the ass while taking a shit-


If I am on the groan throne for a long period of time I periodically check in the toilet to make sure nothing is in there. Maybe it is because I heard all of this alligators in the sewer stories as a kid, I don’t know. But if I am sitting for more than five minutes I am compelled to check.

One time I was dating this girl for a long period of time, we were comfortable getting ready in the bathroom while the other person was doing their business. I needed to take a look while dropping the Huxtables off at the pool one day and I took a second to take a peak, she caught me doing it and said, “What are you laying a big one?”

I nervously replied yes and felt that I would rather have her think I am a shit admirer than someone freaked out about getting bit in the ass by a random toilet creature.

What irrational fears do you have of every day events?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

2 Responses to “Irrational Fear”

  1. says:

    i actually think i may love you …. you are for me

  2. Bella-Trix says:

    Now your irrational fear is going to get rationalized. When I was about 12 years or so old, I went to the downstairs bathroom /toilet in my parents house. No big right? I mean its business as usual – one would hope. Well not that time. I was totally in my own thoughts when I lifted the toilet seat up & encountered a big huge giant sewage rat looking up at me.
    The older toilets in Germany are a bit differently designed. They have like a little pedestal /step on the inside which is where your poop lands (I guess its to prevent the water splashing up & the looking at your poop that you are leaving) Fuck I don’t know. Anyways back to the sewage rat. That huge thing was curled up on said pedestal & looked a bit more surprised then I was.
    My parents toilet lid is a very heave material (not some weird cheapo plastic or wood one); so letting the seat fall vibrated the entire house. My scream I think was heard 10 Blocks away.
    I ran out off the Bathroom (naturally), slamming the door behind me, vouching I will never again use that toilet.
    Everyone in my fam had a hard time believing me cause generally speaking sewage rats aren’t usually able to “drop by” like that and say Hi. It wasn’t until they heard the lid of the toilet several times slam that they believed me.
    So you can rest assured now, that your fear isn’t irrational.

    Btw here I was dreaming of us getting together… and then I read that you have to have the Bedroom door shut.
    What a let-down Kev!
    But you know I still like yah either which way ;)

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