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Well we could always do it the Spartan way

By: Bobby Finstock on 02/22/07 @ 7:17 am

(WARNING: The following blog contains pictures of Greek pottery that has nude images drawn into the side of them, which depending on your sensibilities might not be appropriate for children or not safe to view at work. Again it is pottery not a gang bang picture from Jenna’s Anal Adventure Number 14.)

I decided to take a break from the Kevin’s Theories blog for a day or two to tackle something that I find interesting. Being a history major I get to learn about various cultures and I always like to compare their lifestyle verses ours and see if it would work in current American society. I would like to look at the city state of Sparta which brought some really revolutionary ideas to the table.

-Young boys are taken from their family and enlisted in academies to teach them the life of a solider. Homosexual encounters are encouraged in order for them to forget about their families and build bonds between soldiers, these encounters are encouraged well into adulthood.

Would it work today? I don’t know with our culture and the way it is based it would be an odd shift. I can just imagine the first day of boot camp.

richard simmons

Gunnery Sergeant Simmons: Where are you from son?
Private Smith: Texas sir.
Simmons: Texas? They only thing that comes from Texas is steers and queers…. mmmmm I like that. What about you son?
Private Jones: Queens, sir!
Simmons: Well shiver me timbers, I am going to call you Private Snowball, (whispers) you can do that to me anytime.

Yeah I don’t see that going over well in our military.

-Spartan males were soldiers for life as they had slaves to do all the agricultural work of their civilization. When they reached thirty they were allowed to marry but because of all the hot ass play they had while coming up in the military the Spartan government had to kind of get them interested in women again. So they required women to exercise in public and in the nude in order to get the men back on the vag express.

Would it work today?
Well I can’t see too many guys bitching at Ballys that Heather didn’t wipe off the machine after he nubile, young, rock hard and naked body had trained on it. Although auto accidents would probably triple from guys taking a look, and construction in NYC would come to a screeching hault for the foreseeable future.

-Spartans not only found rape acceptable in their society they put it on their dinnerware, this was taken from a serving platter. Nothing says, “pass the fish” but a platter depicting gang rape.


Would it work today?
It kind of would be like the pie eating booth in “Revenge of the Nerds” people would rapidly eat whatever is on their plate to see what violent image is on there. “Oh look honey they have her locked in like a pair of Chinese finger cuffs, I can’t believe I polished off an entire bowl of your crappy stew just to see that.”

-When you lose in war, you REALLY lose in war. The Persians who warred with the Greeks were rather afraid of Sparta, of course when you see these wine/water jugs you can see why…. I think the correct word for it is, foreshadowing.


Jug 1- Oh no we just lost to the Greeks and here they come to collect theirs spoils, wait why is his cock in his hand?

greece 2

Jug 2- NOOOOOOOOO I didn’t call for a plumber!

Would it work today?
Well have you seen the pictures from Abu Ghraib? I guess we have kept up some of the tactics from the Spartans.

There you have it, I don’t know if we really would want to adopt a lot of the Spartan culture but at least we got to look at kinky pottery and call it a cultural study.

Spartans: A revolutionary society we should model ourselves after or a bunch of kinky, dirty, and violent ass mongers?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

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