Bobby Finstock Theories- 3 Vice Theory
School is open and I am here to give you my knowledge on life, of course I don’t buy any of this bullshit and if you decide to live your life by any of this you are an idiot.
A few years back I used to go out and drink a lot. My girlfriend at the time said that she thought I had a problem, I told her that there wasn’t anything else to do where we live and I explained that I was in total control of my life because I only had 3 vices. If I had any more than three than my life is potentially a train wreck, but I didn’t so I was fine. (The real reason was she wasn’t 21 yet so it was my only way to get away from her. Ah, love in my young twenties.)
Over the years the theory has been discussed and examined and my friends think that it holds true. Once a total line of bullshit could now be a break through psychological theory.
For this discussion the idea of a vice is expanded. A vice can be drinking, smoking, drugs, and other things that are generally unhealthy for you but for this theory it can also be anything you do in excess; shopping, eating, screwing, collecting, etc. You can keep a handle on any three vices as long as they aren’t out and out addictions. Scientists that have studied drug use often refer to marijuana was a gateway drug but if you look at the people they are studying usually they lose control of their life because they have gone past three vice theory.
Take the usual stoner.
-They drink
-They smoke weed
-They play hacky sack
Anything past that and their life is dangerously out of control, you throw some coke in the mix and they are DONE.
Let’s take a look at some examples from case studies I have done.
Case Study: George
His vices-
-he is an obsessive cross dresser, preferring fashions from the English Victorian period
-he loves the black tar heroin
-whenever he touches anything with his hand he compulsively smells his fingers and grades the smell in a notebook he carries around
My analysis- While creepy as hell George is a fully functional member of society, he is just really annoying when you bring him to dinner parties. The whole experience of shaking a hand with a crosser dresser that immediately smells his hand is rather off putting.
Case Study- Tina
Her vices-
-smokes a pack a day
-drinks alcohol daily
-excessively shops
My analysis- Tina is perfectly fine and leads a totally normal life. And I am not saying that because she decided to “dress up” for me for our interview, that little minx.
Case Study- Larry
His vices-
-sniffs glue
-collects snuff films obsessively
-constantly eats pizza combos
-masturbates like a caged chimp
My analysis- Larry is whacked out of his gourd and needs to seek professional help. He is dangerously close to becoming a threat to society and need intense therapy he is past the 3 vice limit and one can only hope he has a some glue spillage onto his hand before he masturbates to his new snuff film. He is a sick bastard.
So there you have it, my three vice theory. Now you need to sit back and examine your life. How many vices do you have?
