A Very Special V-day Blog

This is the first time in a long time that I am sans girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. Being the romantic that I am I felt that I should write something that involves love, romance, and sex.

So without further delay I would like to give you the top five people I have spanked it to the most in my lifetime.

5) Ms. Hack- My junior year keyboarding teacher had the largest set of breasts on a small women’s body that has ever been known to man. I have never raised my hand in class so much before in my life. The highlight of my day was when I would raise my hand and she would come over and have to bend over and try to help me.

Of course years later I ran into her at a fourth of July party where in my drunken state decided to share all that with her. It really wasn’t THAT uncomfortable, I think she decided to have a reduction after that.

4) Jenna Jameson-

One year I was given the gift of the “Blue Movie” DVD and I don’t think it left my DVD player for months. Throw on to the top of that I was dating a girl that felt the need to reenact as much as possible on that DVD and well… The viewing and spank rate of that movie was through the roof. Sadly after all of her plastic surgery Jenna makes my dick recoil in fear.

3) Jon Lovitz-

Do I really need to explain?

2) Cum on stomach girl-

There was this girl that used to go out in Geneseo all the time that had the best stomach I have ever seen. She was totally and utterly hot and knew it. My friends and I named her “cum on stomach girl” because we figured it was a fitting nickname for her to have. The entire first year she was there I never got a chance to talk to her at the bar because she always had a boyfriend. Finally the next year I got my chance and discovered that she had one of the worst lisps I have ever heard.

Since I discovered the lisp her mysterious sexuality was now destroyed, so I figured that I should tell her the nickname we gave her.

Note to self: Women who do not know you do not find sexually offensive nicknames cute. In this case it creeped her out…

1) Christie Brinkley-

The Sport Illustrated swimsuit issue lived under my bed for years. I had like ten years worth starting in the early 80s because I got my Uncle’s old SI collection. Let’s just say there was enough spooge in there to repopulate China and India without batting an eye.

So there you have it my top five… Happy V-day.

It’s time for you gentlemen and ladies out there to at least share your number 1, so who is it?