How to get the romance back in your love life

There are so many people that write about sex and relationships on myspace. I usually avoid the topic because I think those blogs are over done and the advice is usually pretty shitty, just like most relationship books. But with Valentines Day quickly approaching I felt that I needed to write my first pure relationship type blog and help everyone spice up their relationship. How can I help you spice up your love life?

One word: Bukkake (which ranks #3 on my favorite funny word list)

Now some of you just recoiled in horror and others are saying, “What the heck is bukkake?” Well thanks to my friend who sent me a link to the ultimate bukkake reference site on the net I have become an expert. First let me tell you what bukkake is:

Bukkake is a Japanese term that refers to showering a receiver with sperm from one, several or many men. It is always a sperm shower and, therefore, those on the giving end are always male.

Really if what says love more than a hot load of man juice right to the face? Now this isn’t purely a sexual thing there are other benefits to this as well. The benefits of applying male ejaculate on the skin have been chronicled often. It is also high in protein, it can have excellent health benefits if eaten or drunk as well. So ladies don’t turn away in disgust just yet because this can really help you out in the long run, younger skin and a healthier disposition, who doesn’t want that?

The first thing you need to do is prepare for the event. You can’t just jump into this world all willy nilly. While most women like surprises this is one that will probably lead to you sleeping on the couch for an extended period of time if you just jump right in unannounced.

Here are some recommended tips on preparation.

1- Store your ejaculate- You need to keep the little white soldiers in the stables for 2-3 days before hand because you want to make sure you have the maximum amount of paint in the spray gun.

2- Eat right for Maximum Ejaculate- Zinc, Lycopene, Beta-Sitosterol, Niacin are all vitamins or supplements that you can take that can increase your production and flow. Thank god for webmd.com.

3- Clean Up Before and After Bukkake- I will let the site take care of this because I can’t even make this stuff up… “Make sure to thoroughly clean your hair, face and body immediately prior to your bukkake session. The cleaner you start beforehand, the dirtier you’ll look afterward.”

and finally

4- Full Coverage- “As part of a group bukkake session, it is the responsibility of the givers to completely coat the various areas of the receiver. The first few guys have the luxury of shooting wherever they want, but as you work down the line, make sure that you aim towards the open, uncovered areas. For greater accuracy, have the receiver lie directly below you, then aim straight down with your shots. You’ll find it easy to hit the mark every time.” You really wouldn’t want to miss an inch of space.

Now before all you guys out there rush home to plaster your wife’s/girlfriend’s faces or before you ladies break out the bib and a bowl I think we should discuss some technique first. Now I know some of you out there are saying, “What technique? I just heavily blast their face.” Well according to this website there are all different schools and techniques in the bukkake world. Here is one of my favorites:

The Paint the Eyebrows Technique

An excellent technique that will also help you aim your ejaculate properly is to paint the eyebrows. You’ll need to control your orgasm a bit to get at least two throbbing spurts. If you can get more, all the better. With the first shot, start at the outer edge of one eyebrow and work your way towards the other end. When you get to the bridge of the nose, take quick action and flip to the other eyebrow. With the second shot, completely paint this eyebrow. You should finish at the outer edge of the second eyebrow. If you’ve still got ejaculate left over, work your way back across the eyebrows in the same fashion. This technique is great if you’re going to take pictures of the session!

Now if that isn’t true artistry what is?

So there you have it, you all don’t have to thank me at once for saving your romance lacking love lives.

I don’t think I need to pose a question at the end of this blog.