I am a degenerate gambler
With the Super Bowl approaching this weekend I thought it would be a good time to step forward and admit to all of you that I like to gamble on just about anything. So here are three classic Kevin bets ranging from sports to sex to public humiliation. Also I would like to point out that this is the first time I ever refer to myself in third person for the entire blog (well after this paragraph), I have been looking forward to doing this for years, thanks Deion for teaching me!
The Bet: “I bet you I can make you cum in under ten minutes.” Said to Katie T, the summer of 1999 in Geneseo, NY.
The Result: In what has to be considered one of the worst lines EVER used to get a girl into the sack Kevin beds Katie and they end up dating for an entire year until Katie wants Kevin to move to Colorado with her. Kevin subsequently decides to find ways to screw the relationship up, emotionally scaring Katie for years.
Did he get her there in under ten minutes? Gentlemen don’t tell tales out of school, but she dated him for a year so you do the math. (In other words Kevin was waaaaaaaaaayyyyy to drunk to remember but likes to think of himself as a stud even though it isn’t true.)
The Bet: “Double or nothing I guess.” Said to Kevin’s Italian bookie on Thanksgiving day referring to his massive debt and the bet he places on the Cowyboys vs. Vikings game.
The Result:Kevin betting money he did not have decided the only way out of his debt with the bookie was to place one giant bet on the Vikings, who were ten point favorites, to beat the Cowboys on Thanksgiving day. Kevin couldn’t eat dinner because of the knots his stomach was in but the Vikings won and covered the spread leading Kevin to get horribly drunk and flirt with his girlfriend’s aunt. Kevin believes to this day he could have had “aunt/niece action”.
The Bet: Stunts, 1 year of stunts on command. Bet with my Uncle Bob through most of Kevin’s youth.
The Result: My Uncle, a fellow degenerate gambler, introduced Kevin to the world of gambling early. We used to bet on our games of miniature golf, with the bet being stunts. Basically the loser for one year had to do any stunt the winner wanted. Kevin started out putting myself into like a 14 year hole which led to the following things:
-Kevin standing on top of a giant rock at the miniature golf place singing the national anthem at the top of Kevin’s lungs.
-Kevin walking around the local ice cream place shaking every person’s hand and saying, “Hi my name is Kevin and damn glad to meet you.” *I was 12 at the time
-Kevin having to do pushups on command, it was really fun going Christmas shopping and randomly dropping to Kevin’s hands and doing pushups.
The stunts ended when Kevin had to do log rolls in the front lawn and their giant golden retriever decided that it was a good time to pin Kevin down and try to hump Kevin. Of course everyone was laughing too hard and it took a couple of minutes to actually get the dog off of Kevin. Good times.
So what are some of the worst bets you have made in life?
Also who you picking this weekend Colts(-7) or Bears(+7)?
