Wait, Didn’t He Use to Hump His Guitar?

So for those of you who don’t know Prince has been announced to be the performer of the Super Bowl’s half time show. I don’t know about you but when I think of family friendly performers Prince is the FIRST person on my list.

Sure he has humped his guitar on stage, introduced tons of scantily clad women into the world before Hip Hop artists made it a video cliche, made androgyny hip, and had a video or two that MTV would air only late at night but now that he is a Jevovah’s Witness, he is totally safe! You know people that believe in the lord never do anything wrong! (Where is that sarcasm font again?)

Now I want to make this clear, I am no Bible beating conservative that thinks this is an outrage. You see I view this as more as an opportunity for the future, if the NFL is letting Prince perform obviously they aren’t that concerned about the baggage that their chosen artist brings to the table.

So since the restrictions are really loose, here are some of the artists I would like the NFL to invite to perform at the next Super Bowl.

T.A.T.U

Russian teen pop sensations that tease lesbianism, what isn’t to like in that mix? I really hope that the NFL can wait until NBC has the Super Bowl so John Madden can break down their halftime performance with the telestrator, trying to figure out if they are lesbians or really just faking.

Madden: You see Al, they do the fake kiss and she groped her here, but then the redhead puts her boot on the back of the half naked male dancer while he was doing push-ups. I can’t tell if they are lesbian or not, where is Summerall, I need a drink!

GWAR

Does anything say, “Let’s play it safe for middle America” more than GWAR? Maybe they will sacrifice a Styrofoam version of the NFL MVP from that season, eh fuck it why not the real thing, I hope Terrell Owens has a big year that season.

Traci Lords

Porn star or techno artist, porn star or techno artist, porn star or techno artist? It’s a fun little game that the entire family can enjoy while dad feels a little embarrassed that he owns one of her outlawed movies.

There you have it, three people that I consider strong candidates to do the NFL halftime show next year. Really at this point as long it isn’t Aerosmith doing another version of “Walk This Way” with an up and coming hip hop act I will be happy.

Who would you like to see perform at the Super Bowl or should they just get rid of the annoying attempt to gain attention by having washed up artists perform melodies of their greatest hits?