If you really liked me…

(Reminder: there is no sarcasm font on myspace, if there was it would be laid on rather think throughout this blog)

The other day it was brought to my attention by a friend that a blogger or two on myspace had Amazon wish lists set up. One even said that “if you really appreciate my work you can show it by getting me something from here”. When I saw that I thought it was rather presumptuous and egotistical. Personally I thought the whole, “buy these things” idea was reserved for cam whores and strippers, but I guess I could be wrong. I talked to my friend and fellow blogger Farmer Vincent’s Fritters (if you aren’t subscribed to him you should check him out) and basically we came to the agreement, “free shit is free shit.” So I would now like to take the time and post a list of things you call can purchase for me. In fact if you want to join together and pitch in you can feel free to do that, I mean who am I to tell you how to go about pleasing my every whim?

My Own Kenny Rogers Roasters Franchise

I don’t really want to own or operate it. I just want one for when I have hunger pains randomly throughout the night. Of course as my readers you can band together and hatch out a schedule of who works when. Just so you know I like my Mac and Cheese with a little bit of breadcrumbs on it.

An Aston Martin Vanquish

You can’t have your favorite blogger driving around in a normal car can you? I mean really who wants to think I drive a Cellica or an Escort or something so pedestrian?

The New York Mets

I imagine at some point I am going to run out of things to write about so whey not by me my favorite baseball team so I can keep a running account of my trials and tribulations with them. Besides who doesn’t want to read about me giving David Wright a wedgie in the locker room?

Those girls that bathed Eddie Murphy in Coming to America

I simply cannot go on with cleaning my own sack and washing my own ass by myself in the morning. This job should be done by two nubile young virgins. Can we get this accomplished in the next half hour because I am about to shower?

So there you have it. You have your shopping list get to it…

(Note: If I ever give you a wish list from Amazon.com or any other website you have permission to track me down and shove a plunger into my ass.)