"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."


The Yankees should sign Naomi Campbell

By: Bobby Finstock on 01/17/07 @ 7:48 am

I love reading the Smoking Gun and hearing about random lawsuits or celebrities in trouble. Today they posted a lawsuit filed by a former employee of Naomi Campbell that said she was “seriously injured” when Naomi threw her BlackBerry and hit her in the head. This led to the maid needing to get four stitches.

naomi campbell

Now I have to say… COME ON… Do we even need this to go to court? Just using logic will prove that Campbell is totally innocent. Let’s examine four simple facts… (Using discriminatory, sexist, and other generalizations that can only prove I am right.)

1) She is British- British people can’t throw… They can toss but they can’t throw. There are 5 things we know about the British:

-They can’t throw
-They have poor dental care
-They all ride in double decker red buses which drive on the wrong side of the road
-90% of the men are gay, the other 10% are soccer hooligans
-They are the only people that think Mr. Bean is funny

mr bean

2) The velocity needed to do damage with a blackberry is too great for a model to generate-
Due to the fact that models are anorexic and have no physical skills except for walking on a stage, making random poses, and vomiting, Naomi would not have the physical ability to throw the blackberry that hard.

3) She is a female- Girls can’t throw. I know there are a lot of girls that play sports here in the United States and they are uber coordinated and can throw but they are the exception to the rule. I don’t see Naomi Campbell playing softball in high school (her thighs aren’t thick enough).

fat fight

4) Black women don’t throw things, they pull hair or stab-
Haven’t you watched Springer or one of those dirty prison movies on Cinemax late at night? If you did you would know that black women always pull hair, slap, or stab while in a fight. Also they do the patented move of pulling out earrings which is something that is beyond impressive to see.

So there you have it… I just solved this case in under ten minutes using simple logic and stereotypes.

Do you need me to take care of anything else?

Filed in: News

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

Comments are closed.

© 2007 Pointless Banter - All Rights Reserved || Designed: E.Webscapes || Social Media Consulting: Comedy Central Sound