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News That Nobody in America Cares About, An Ode to Rockstars

By: Bobby Finstock on 01/2/07 @ 4:50 am

Last year Rolling Stone had an article about the train wreck that is Pete Doherty which was really interesting because the guy was a complete drugged out mess. (The link for the article is above and it is seriously worth the read.)


Now I know about 98% of the people that just read the last paragraph just shook their head in confusion over the mention of Doherty because in general nobody in America gives a shit about British gossip. Before all twenty of my British readers get indignant, let me just give you two examples:

David Beckham
Robbie Williams

Both of these men could walk into any mall in the country and less than five people would recognize then. In fact I saw Robbie Williams at the Archlight movie theater two years ago and actually laughed that he had a bodyguard with him. I pointed out to my girlfriend at the time that it was Robbie Williams and she just looked blankly ahead and said, “Who?”

Unlike Beckham and Williams this is a guy you should care about. Let me help clear up for you who he is.

-He was the former lead singer of the Libertines…. doesn’t ring a bell?
-He is the lead singer of Babyshambles… nope that doesn’t help either?
-Kate Moss is rumored to be marrying him this week.

kate moss

See you mention Kate Moss and now people are paying attention. Who doesn’t like a coked out model who is responsible for eating disorders for a whole generation?

Personally I don’t know a song he has sung but I have to tell you this guy is officially my favorite rock star. Why you ask? He is what I want in a rock star: (from rolling stone):

But his legend — comically at
times, tragically at others — has shined most brightly in epic
tabloid tales, where he embodies nearly every aspect, good and bad,
of what we think about when we think about rock stars: drugs,
alcohol, brushes with the law, drugs, fashion models, onstage
fistfights, onstage collapse, fan riots, drugs, jail, poor driving,
gratuitous Rimbaud quoting and, hey, did we mention drugs? Over the
course of Doherty’s short career, the twenty-seven-year-old has
been jailed a half-dozen times

Just look at his rap sheet:

-auto theft and possession of illegal drugs
-driving under the influence
-playing music too loudly
-burglary of a former band mate’s apartment
-3 separate drug arrests in a 24 hour period

Pete Doherty is the return of the rock star, something that has been missing for years on this planet. I miss the days of the rock star, we as a culture need the rock star so we can see our dark side and think about how life would be like if we lived like they did. We need a band that will fish from their hotel room and shove Marlins into the nether regions of their fans (Led Zeppelin) or make their groupies shit in a kitty litter box in order to get back stage (Marilyn Manson).

Who else can we be romanticized and disgusted by all the same time? Rock stars are the only people that can live in excess and totally fuck up their life without us being judgmental. If an athlete does it we view it as a waste of talent, if an actor does it we just rail on them in gossip magazines, and if a politician does it a scandal is created. So I say we all embrace Pete and silently pray for the return of the rock star. Because without the rock star who else can we make snorting coke of a stripper’s ass jokes about?

What do you look for in a rock star? Who is your favorite rock star?

Filed in: Pop Culture

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

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