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We Can’t Let Those Dirty Spaniards Beat Us!

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/26/06 @ 12:18 pm

I saw this article on Christmas Eve and I was a little bit more than peeved.

From yahoo.com:

Cocaine on 94 percent of Spanish banknotes

Traces of cocaine can be found on 94
percent of banknotes in Spain, a country that has one of the
world’s highest rates of users, according to a study published
on Sunday.

The 100 notes tested were collected in gyms, supermarkets
and pharmacies across Spain, where increased affluence and
falling street prices have made the drug more and more

Cocaine now sells for as little as 60 euros (40 pounds) a
gram, or 5 euros ($7) a line, and it is regularly used by 1.6
percent of Spaniards, up from 0.9 percent in 1999, a government
report said this month.

Law enforcement agencies say cocaine is getting cheaper and
more popular in Europe because of efforts to boost production
by Colombian paramilitaries and rebels who need money for
weapons. Spain is a major entry point to Europe for the

It was not clear how many of the notes had been used to
snort cocaine and how many had picked up traces from other
bills, according to the study by the Sailab laboratory,
published in the daily El Mundo.


94% holy shit, how is that even possible? Is that on all denominations? Do people throw a party and start with small bills and work their way to larger ones?

Seriously I can’t even wrap my head around that number. In fact I was personally offended by that as an American. Are we now falling behind the Spanish in the coked out currency race? Sure we are behind a lot of countries in education, medicine, and other measuring sticks but this… THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

Not to be outdone by the Spanish I decided to get the staff at my personal lab to conduct some studies in order to boost the esteem of the people of our great nation. Once and for all we are going to show how impressive our statistics are! Here are some startling facts that we have come up with.*

-99.9% of all American Motels report to have semen stains when examined under a black light.

-75% of all Los Angeles police have taken a baton to an African American suspect for, “shits and giggles”

-68% of the American Public voted for last years American Idol

-10% of those people voted in the midterm election

-.9% of the the American Population was fathered by K-Fed

-15% was fathered by current or former NBA players.

-99% of the country still can’t point to Afghanistan on a map

-75% of American Males have yanked it to either the Bush Twins or the Olson Twins

-5% of all myspace users have bitched about my content

-90% of the people that read this haven’t made it this far in the blog

So are there any stats you would want to throw back into the face of the Spanish?

Filed in: News

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

One Response to “We Can’t Let Those Dirty Spaniards Beat Us!”

  1. Pedrito J says:

    Nobody in Spain believed that baknotes-full-of-cocaine story. So… buying this story makes you loose twice.

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