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Drug Addicts are the Smartest People on Earth

By: Bobby Finstock on 12/6/06 @ 5:39 am

Yesterday I was on my way home from class and I was talking to one of my friends from back east on the phone. They had just returned from a two day seminar on drugs held by a law enforcement agency. It was at this seminar that they learned about hooping, which is apparently all the rage.

“Kevin I know you are a worldly type of guy, so I wanted to know if you have ever heard of hooping?”

“Does that have something to do with playing basketball.”

“No. It is when a heroin user places heroin at the end of a tampon and shoves it into their ass.”

First of all how does one go about deciding to try this out? At what point was snorting, smoking, or injecting it not an option and the only possible way to obtain a high was putting it on a tampon and jamming it back up the exit only ramp?


For awhile I thought it was sad but then I realized that drug addicts are the smartest people on earth. They find so many ways to smuggle, take, use, and create new drugs that it boggles the mind.

The people at NASA aren’t nearly as creative as a drug addict. Sure I’ve seen Apollo 13 and saw how they creatively rigged a solution to get those astronauts home. But when you compare it to putting a tampon doused with heroin in your ass or some of the bongs I have seen out there, the people at NASA look like cavemen.

I figure if we could find a way for us to harness the creative power of drug addicts and get them on real problems that we could turn the earth around in a matter of months. Maybe hypnotize them to think their craving for smack is really a craving for the solution of global warming. You could get them thinking that Middle East Peace is their crack rock, just think of the possibilities.

Sure I hear all the laughing and the naysayers out there. But may I remind you that the greatest scientist in movie history was high out of his mind:

dr emmit brown

I rest my case….

What is the craziest thing you ever heard or read about drugs?

Also if you want a good discussion about diversity programs in schools and the racial, financial, and social implications. Check it out here

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

3 Responses to “Drug Addicts are the Smartest People on Earth”

  1. Heather G says:

    My dad mentioned something about walking in on a party where my brother had taken a toilet paper tube and shoved it over his “junk” with something in it.. but I was afraid to ask.

  2. Terri says:

    I have to say, I somewhat agree with you. Honestly, until I knew some drug addicts, I wouldn’t have. But the sad truth is that often it is the most artistic and creative among us who can’t deal with “real life” and go for drugs instead. I don’t mean to sound like a bleeding heart PSA here–just something I notice a while ago–unfortunately in my BOYFRIENDS! We all have to learn some way, huh?

  3. Ronda says:

    People who are high come up with some of the greatest ideas ever. They usually don’t follow through with them, though. Thus, the term “pipe dreams”.

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