I wasn’t going to chime in on the whole Britney exposed train wreck vagina thing. Everyone jumped all over it and well… it wasn’t that shocking. It’s like the drunk uncle doing something totally inappropriate at the family reunion, “There goes Gary again to dry hump that head of lettuce. Oh Gary!”
The other day though I had a discussion with Robert Friedman the IV and he basically pointed out something that I had not thought of. This was a business move by Britney and I have to say I agree. Yes I know there are going to be arguments made that it wasn’t a business move, in fact I will give them to you:
1) After seeing how horrible her grand canyon is nobody will look at her as a sex symbol. (Oh and the C section scar does not help)
2) By giving away the goods now she just ruined any shot at Playboy. Letting Forbidden hold onto her title as skankiest blonde to ever appear in Playboy.
3) When Paris Hilton is telling you to close your legs America will lose that much more respect for you.
Can I tell you that Paris Hilton telling her to close her legs is like: (insert whatever joke you think is funnier here)
-Courtney Love telling someone how to put on makeup
-Ted Kennedy giving driving tips
-Michael J Fox advising people on how to keep a steady hand (I thought I could slip that by you, I know, I know it’s awful)
-Nicole Richie giving eating tips
-Rosie O’Donnell giving blow job lessons
It was a pure business move because it has destroyed the marketability of any sex tape K-fedex was going to release. She robbed him of the chance to make millions off of some crappy video of him doing her from behind while she is snapping gum and wearing a trucker hat.
He might as well not even think about releasing it at this point. Nobody wanted to see him have sex to begin with but now you add into the equation that we have seen the disgusting nether regions of Britney, the tape has no value.
It would move into the top five worst celebrity sex tapes ever released: which would be bad news for Sharon Tate and Roman Polanksi.
In closing I have to say well played Britney, well played. Maybe are you are smarter than we all give you credit for.
Eh…. maybe not…
(Ok it was a top three.. sue me.)