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I’ve got mail: convict love returns

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/30/06 @ 7:16 am

For the new people around here this is basically a series where I went out to try to land a chick behind bars. Here are the first few entries if you want to get caught up:

The Bachelorette: Prison Style

Convict Conversations

Ten reasons why I am worse than Hitler (in response to a hate blog about what I am doing)

The Letter

Time to mail the letter (another response to how “evil” I am)

For those of you who don’t want to read. Let me just sum it up with picture of my new “love”interest.

Before I go into the transcription of the letter I would like to point out a few things. Since I redid the letter in a more redneck fashion and sent it out I found this women’s profile on multiple prisoner “pen pal” sites. I made some assumptions about that, let’s just say the letter confirms them. (Note: I have fixed the major spelling errors because it was really hard to transcribe it with all the red marks coming up. Let me just say she had some issues with mail and male.) Also I have to say that the letter is rather boring, I kind of figured it wouldn’t live up to the hype. Although the end is good.


God bless you for taking the time out to write me. Mail always make the time go fast. Thanks for saying all the nice things you did about me.

I really don’t like to talk about where I am at or how I got here. I made a few mistakes in my life that I am not proud of but Jesus Christ has come into my life to help me. Jesus has shown me that I got what I had coming to me.

Your life is much more fun than mine I would rather talk about that. I love anything that goes fast, it is really cool that you are into racing. We don’t get to watch all of the races in her but we still see a few of them. Little E is my favorite and I have pictures of him all over my bunk area.

Sorry to hear about your ex girlfriend and your father. You sound smart so you can find another girlfriend, remember there are always other fish in the sea.

I feel blessed that you have sent me a letter. The letters help me out by giving me something to do. Other than the letters though if you would ever want to send me some money to help me out I would be thankful.

Tell me what you are doing for Thanksgiving, I want to know more about you. Hope to hear from you again.

God Bless,


Yeah I know, a total letdown. The letter was:

-rather short
-basically a plea for money
-she loves the lord

So this is where I am at with this. Rebecca is obviously on all these sites and probably making a good little income on lonely men writing her. I can’t find ANY information about her crime or what she is in jail for, the only thing I find in Texas under her name is that of a murder victim. So I am starting to believe that this is basically one giant money making scheme. She is the featured profile or one of the first ones that come up on these sites.

Usually I like women to at least tease me before trying to take money from me.


The question is: Do I bother even responding?

What is the best course of action here:

A) I could continue to press her for information that she doesn’t seem all that willing to give up.

B) Or I could write her every few weeks with like a lone penny attached to the message and see how long she writes back.

C) Write a letter telling her I want to bust her out (but I think prisons screen their messages so this is probably not the best idea)

D) Make up the most outlandish story about something on in my life that is so drama filled and crazy.

E) Just scrap it and move onto something like Jdate.com or the like. I could always create a profile on blackplanet.com in black face and write about how I hate the tv show Silver Spoons… But I have a feeling I might get stabbed for that.

Thoughts, reactions, ideas, suggestions…. Money?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

2 Responses to “I’ve got mail: convict love returns”

  1. Dr. Racy Rae says:

    I know that girl. She’s all about the cock. She used to stand on the blvd. and sell herself. $5 for a handjob(who wants a handjob from a girl?!), $10 for a blowjob, and $20 for sex. I heard that she threw anal in for free if your dick was at least 8inches. She was a bit of a size queen. I think it’s quite a service you’re doing, giving her all this attention. The last time I spoke to her, she told me it was her new found dream to find someone that would fuck her in the ass until she’s old and grey. Maybe that’s you. How big is your dick?

  2. kate says:

    I say move on…. try and find a real prisoner with real prison stories. “She’s” only a hustler.

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