How much is too much?

There are certain questions we all ask ourselves in our lifetime. Questions that are the essence of our being, questions that make us think, questions that make us examine our entire existence. Why are we here? How much alcohol would it take for that girl to go home with me? Is there a god? What is my purpose? Will the Colts cover the spread?

To me the most important question is how much is too much? What makes a person go from eating one cheeseburger to seven? What separates a person that goes see a band five times over the course of their life versus someone that sees a band 34 times on the same tour? What is the driving factor for someone to spend half of their paycheck every week on beanie babies or whatever the current collectible fad is?

Nothing interests me more for some reason. Maybe it is because watching people going psycho over meaningless nick knacks is entertaining to me? Or the fact that people will have complete tunnel vision to feed whatever habit that they have, that they have zero idea what is going on in the world around them? I don’t know what it is? What I do know is most of these people are in total self denial that they are hooked on something. So here are the five tell-tale signs that you are a little to into something and might need some help.

5) You have to install display cases in your house for your collection

That is an actual picture from someone’s home in Hawaii. The owner has over 5000 Barbie dolls in her home. 5000… let that sink in. Does anyone reading this own 5000 of anything?

4) You are purchasing things that have fallen off or been removed from someone’s body

There are people that collect hair clippings, teeth, finger nail clippings and other removed body parts from celebrities. Isn’t that going a bit far? Well unless it is Brooke Shields’s pubic hair, which I fully can understand.

3) You spend half a year designing your costume that you are going to wear to a convention.

We’ve covered this in my anti Harry Potter blog that I wrote earlier in the year. Basically if you spend months designing a home made costume to wear to a convention including figuring out the best way to use the reclaimed PVC piping from your old septic system, you need help.

2) You learn to speak a fake language but can’t find Iraq on a map.

This is the most dumbfounding to me; people that take the time to learn a language that isn’t even real but they can’t even really function in society. Usually these are the people that sort the mail and other tasks that require very little human contact. These are the people that scare me the most. They are motivated enough to learn a second language that is complex yet totally fake and can’t be applied anywhere but they have issues when deciding to shower or bath.

1) You speak about your hobby as a family member.

I get really worried when people speak about an athlete or a celebrity or a character like the intimately know them. No matter how much you like the Simpsons, Homer is not the third member of your family behind you and the cat. And for the record your collection of cat poop that is the shape of Elvis is not “the kids”.

Now I must go and have sex with my wife: