Great lies that women have told me: toxic shock syndrome

I have decided to start a new series on here (so that means I will write about it twice and totally forget about it) called Great Lies That Women Have Told Me.

Today I want to cover the lie of Toxic Shock Syndrome and how it led to a horrible case of blue balls.

Back when I was a young man just out of high school I was making out with a certain female and things were advancing well. I thought for sure it was going to end with me getting the little general into the marshlands.

As clothes began to peel off, everything came to a halt.

“We have to stop,” she said to me as she began to put her top back on.

“Uh, why?” I asked in my least pathetic tone (girls don’t like guys that beg or so that is what I read in one of my uncle’s playboys at the time).

“Well I am on my period. My mom always told me that if I had sex during my period that I could end up with toxic shock syndrome because of my tampon.”

(Yes I realize she could have just taken it out. But logic and debating skills go out the window when you are 18 and women start talking about their menstruation issues.)

She then went on to regal me with a tale of her cousin’s friend that had sex and forgot to remove a tampon. The tampon then ended up getting jammed up further into some body part that I don’t have. It resulted in her having to go to an emergency room, barely fighting off death.

Death, vagina, menstruation, and tampon had all been mentioned in under five minutes which automatically calls for my brain to be shut off and to go along with anything a women says. I put my clothes back on and just felt the pain of my swollen, underused sack.

For the first and surely not the last time in my life, I was destroyed by a lie told to me by a female….

Next in the series (to be posted sometime this week): “If I go too long I will get lockjaw.”