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Seventeen Magazine’s Questions Answered

By: Bobby Finstock on 11/6/06 @ 7:14 am

(It’s been awhile since I addressed the plights of teenage girls…)

Q: I have always had a passion for acting. I would like to pursue a career in the entertainment business, but when I mentioned it to my family, they laughed as if I were joking. I live on a small island, and there are no places around me that have to do with acting. I feel like if I lived in California, there would be more opportunities for me to get noticed. Is it difficult to follow your dreams when your dreams seem to be on the other side of the country?
–Victoria, 14, Stonington, ME

A: Sure Victoria as soon as you are legally able to you should move out here. I really think you should know that as soon as you come into the state of California you have headshots taken (this happens at the state line and at all major airports). You are then entered into a database of potential actors and actresses, where you will eventually be pulled from to star in a tv series or a movie. It doesn’t matter if you have honed a craft or not!

Look at some of the people that have been pulled from this database:

  • Keanu Reeves
  • The entire cast of “The War at Home”
  • Carson Daly

So Victoria come to the land of opportunity, come to California! It’s not like you will end up waiting tables for years, stripping, or starring in porn…. that NEVER happens.

Q:A group of people decided to come up with what they call the Ho List. It’s a list where people can freely write down what girls they think are sluts. A few of my friends’ names are listed, and they are very upset. What can I do to help my friends and stop the list? –Amber, 16, Houston, TX

A: There is an actual paper list? Well that sucks. I thought kids these days would be all digital. Really there should be an online directory of every slutty girl in every high school and college.

It would be great it could be search ready by town, school, and city. The site would be bigger than google.

Fathers can look every week after a party to see if their daughter has turned into a slut. Guys would be checking the list out before they headed out for a night on the town. This would be the ultimate tool for the single…. check that for ANY male.

Of course to protect the girls there would have to be a way for them to get their names off of the list:

  • They can become a nun
  • Disfiguring car accident
  • They get an STD

Let’s round up some venture capitalists and get this bad boy rolling.

Q: My religion is Mormonism, and because I’m not supposed to swear or drink, everyone calls me a goody-goody. I just moved to another part of the world for my dad’s job, and the people at my new school aren’t any nicer. They say I’m a goody-goody too–not only because I don’t do those things, but also because I get good grades. What can I do to make them stop? –Lissy, 13, Spring, TX

A: Convert you goody-goody.

Q:I recently saw The Devil Wears Prada, and it got me thinking. I was always told that the kind of superficiality portrayed in the movie exists only in high school. But now I wonder if it continues after high school too. If that’s true, how do I deal?
–Molly, 15, Naples, FL

Well Molly once you leave high school the real world is based off your individual talents and skills. Your looks, who your friends are, who your family is, or anything superficial like that is not something that you can ride on.

paris hilton sucks

No Molly…. In the real world when you become an adult you get hired for your job because you are the best qualified. This is a country where with hard work and great intelligence you can get anywhere…


So Molly what I am saying is that it gets better. Expect to be able to achieve great things without the help of your looks, your family name, or the wealth of your family.


Filed in: Questions Answered

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

51 Responses to “Seventeen Magazine’s Questions Answered”

  1. Trouble says:

    NO nO no….the Ho list would never work…..you know the majority of girls on it would all be virgins……their boyfriends only put them on there cause they were mad they wouldnt put out!…

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