Seventeen Magazine’s Questions Answered
(It’s been awhile since I addressed the plights of teenage girls…)
Q: I have always had a passion for acting. I would like to pursue a career in the entertainment business, but when I mentioned it to my family, they laughed as if I were joking. I live on a small island, and there are no places around me that have to do with acting. I feel like if I lived in California, there would be more opportunities for me to get noticed. Is it difficult to follow your dreams when your dreams seem to be on the other side of the country?
–Victoria, 14, Stonington, ME
A: Sure Victoria as soon as you are legally able to you should move out here. I really think you should know that as soon as you come into the state of California you have headshots taken (this happens at the state line and at all major airports). You are then entered into a database of potential actors and actresses, where you will eventually be pulled from to star in a tv series or a movie. It doesn’t matter if you have honed a craft or not!
Look at some of the people that have been pulled from this database:
- Keanu Reeves
- The entire cast of “The War at Home”
- Carson Daly
So Victoria come to the land of opportunity, come to California! It’s not like you will end up waiting tables for years, stripping, or starring in porn…. that NEVER happens.
Q:A group of people decided to come up with what they call the Ho List. It’s a list where people can freely write down what girls they think are sluts. A few of my friends’ names are listed, and they are very upset. What can I do to help my friends and stop the list? –Amber, 16, Houston, TX
A: There is an actual paper list? Well that sucks. I thought kids these days would be all digital. Really there should be an online directory of every slutty girl in every high school and college.
It would be great it could be search ready by town, school, and city. The site would be bigger than google.
Fathers can look every week after a party to see if their daughter has turned into a slut. Guys would be checking the list out before they headed out for a night on the town. This would be the ultimate tool for the single…. check that for ANY male.
Of course to protect the girls there would have to be a way for them to get their names off of the list:
- They can become a nun
- Disfiguring car accident
- They get an STD
Let’s round up some venture capitalists and get this bad boy rolling.
Q: My religion is Mormonism, and because I’m not supposed to swear or drink, everyone calls me a goody-goody. I just moved to another part of the world for my dad’s job, and the people at my new school aren’t any nicer. They say I’m a goody-goody too–not only because I don’t do those things, but also because I get good grades. What can I do to make them stop? –Lissy, 13, Spring, TX
A: Convert you goody-goody.
Q:I recently saw The Devil Wears Prada, and it got me thinking. I was always told that the kind of superficiality portrayed in the movie exists only in high school. But now I wonder if it continues after high school too. If that’s true, how do I deal?
–Molly, 15, Naples, FL
A: Well Molly once you leave high school the real world is based off your individual talents and skills. Your looks, who your friends are, who your family is, or anything superficial like that is not something that you can ride on.
No Molly…. In the real world when you become an adult you get hired for your job because you are the best qualified. This is a country where with hard work and great intelligence you can get anywhere…
So Molly what I am saying is that it gets better. Expect to be able to achieve great things without the help of your looks, your family name, or the wealth of your family.
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On 11/6/06 at 7:21 am
Jen said:
HA!! Can you go global with the Ho List?
On 11/6/06 at 7:21 am
jennifer said:
gasp…. Im first???? anywho. good day
On 11/6/06 at 7:23 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1437"]HA!! Can you go global with the Ho List?[/quote]
I we are going world wide with this bad boy
On 11/6/06 at 7:24 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1438"]gasp…. Im first???? anywho. good day[/quote]
So close…. so very close
On 11/6/06 at 7:26 am
Fiona said:
I would so not be on that Ho list.
The Mormon should convert to Catholicism.
On 11/6/06 at 7:26 am
tarah said:
I am proud to say that at my school I maintained #1 on the Ho list all 4 years. Boooo-ya baby!
On 11/6/06 at 7:31 am
Kirk said:
You could always host it on the Pointless Banter site, just imagine the number of hits you guys could get.
On 11/6/06 at 7:31 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1441"]I would so not be on that Ho list.
The Mormon should convert to Catholicism.[/quote]
Then she would be a high class Ho
On 11/6/06 at 7:32 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1442"]I am proud to say that at my school I maintained #1 on the Ho list all 4 years. Boooo-ya baby![/quote]
It’s all about goals and dreams… Did you get a trophy?
On 11/6/06 at 7:36 am
tarah said:
[quote comment="1445"][quote comment="1442"]I am proud to say that at my school I maintained #1 on the Ho list all 4 years. Boooo-ya baby![/quote]
It’s all about goals and dreams… Did you get a trophy?[/quote]
Uh…yah, remember we used it the other night? Were you that drunk? I am still walking funny.
On 11/6/06 at 7:37 am
Ashley said:
I luv Field of Dreams and have had similar thoughts…
The idea of a Ho list is fantastic!!!…It would be interesting to see all the names of the in-the-closet hos… ya know the ones that pretend to be goody-goody but sleep around on the sly…
I mean if you’re a ho you should at least be proud of it!
On 11/6/06 at 7:43 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1446"][quote comment="1445"][quote comment="1442"]I am proud to say that at my school I maintained #1 on the Ho list all 4 years. Boooo-ya baby![/quote]
It’s all about goals and dreams… Did you get a trophy?[/quote]
Uh…yah, remember we used it the other night? Were you that drunk? I am still walking funny.[/quote]
You took it like a champ…. like a CHAMP
On 11/6/06 at 7:45 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1443"]You could always host it on the Pointless Banter site, just imagine the number of hits you guys could get.[/quote]
I like the way you are thinking with this.
On 11/6/06 at 7:45 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1447"]I luv Field of Dreams and have had similar thoughts…
The idea of a Ho list is fantastic!!!…It would be interesting to see all the names of the in-the-closet hos… ya know the ones that pretend to be goody-goody but sleep around on the sly…
I mean if you’re a ho you should at least be proud of it![/quote]
Do you think the in closet hos out number the out of closet hos?
On 11/6/06 at 7:48 am
Jess said:
There are mormons in Texas??
On 11/6/06 at 7:51 am
Ashley said:
[quote post="446"]I luv Field of Dreams and have had similar thoughts…
The idea of a Ho list is fantastic!!!…It would be interesting to see all the names of the in-the-closet hos… ya know the ones that pretend to be goody-goody but sleep around on the sly…
I mean if you’re a ho you should at least be proud of it!
Do you think the in closet hos out number the out of closet hos? [/quote]
Yes I do…and if you count the ho’s that come out of the closet only when drunk…your list will probably triple!
At least that’s how it is on my campus!
On 11/6/06 at 7:53 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1451"]There are mormons in Texas??[/quote]
I know surprising huh?
On 11/6/06 at 7:54 am
PETA said:
That girl doesn’t need to convert. Who’s going to call her a goody-goody when she’s havin a gang bang with her husband’s other wives?
On 11/6/06 at 7:57 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1452"][quote post="446"]
Yes I do…and if you count the ho’s that come out of the closet only when drunk…your list will probably triple!
At least that’s how it is on my campus![/quote]
I need to go there for grad school
On 11/6/06 at 8:02 am
Jimmy said:
lol I would like to see the Ho list
On 11/6/06 at 8:13 am
I'll Do Whatever I Want said:
The ho list is a excellent idea. However, contracting an STD shouldn’t remove them from the list, but put them on a “high alert” list.
A rating system should be employed as well, worst being you wouldn’t touch her with Andy Dick’s, dick, best being….I got nothing.
On 11/6/06 at 8:16 am
PETA said:
[quote comment="1457"]The ho list is a excellent idea. However, contracting an STD shouldn’t remove them from the list, but put them on a “high alert” list.
A rating system should be employed as well, worst being you wouldn’t touch her with Andy Dick’s, dick, best being….I got nothing.[/quote]
Laura…you’re always thinking with other people’s heads aren’t you?
On 11/6/06 at 8:18 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1457"]The ho list is a excellent idea. However, contracting an STD shouldn’t remove them from the list, but put them on a “high alert” list.
[/quote]
we could color code the system based on std!
On 11/6/06 at 8:18 am
Kevin said:
[quote comment="1454"]That girl doesn’t need to convert. Who’s going to call her a goody-goody when she’s havin a gang bang with her husband’s other wives?[/quote
good point… don’t these people watch Big Love?
On 11/6/06 at 8:21 am
Selena is Cool Like That said:
It’s All Good Kevin!!! All Good…
On 11/6/06 at 8:22 am
Island Princess said:
Well I think we need to get working the virtual ho list…this thing could bring in a lot of money!!!
On 11/6/06 at 8:25 am
laura said:
when i saw seventeen
i said
oh goody
which is a coincidence
i think
On 11/6/06 at 8:29 am
laura said:
the ho list? isnt that similar to myspace?
On 11/6/06 at 8:30 am
kate said:
[quote comment="1466"]the ho list? isnt that similar to myspace?[/quote]
wow…i didnt know my name changed to laura…i thought my name was kate…
On 11/6/06 at 8:33 am
em said:
Wow, I thought the picture of Paris Hilton would have been on the ho list reference instead of the sarcastic real world qualification list. Frankly I’m surprised, but I bet if there had been a question that started with, “Dear Seventeen, there’s this girl I want to run over with a bus and then back up and do it again…” you probably would have put it there instead.
On 11/6/06 at 8:57 am
Tam said:
We called our ho list a “Slam Book”.
But basically the same thing - Luckily, I was one of the few who started it so my name wasn’t really in it.
Well that, and I had one of those nifty pens with an eraser!
On 11/6/06 at 9:03 am
fried Bourbon n coke said:
No responses, what is happening, just because you wouldnt let your prostate get milked on live tv? Your readers arent normally this shy you posted an age ago
On 11/6/06 at 9:05 am
fried Bourbon n coke said:
first and secound? You were looking in the Seventeen magazine for “research purposes” I assume.
On 11/6/06 at 9:19 am
Anywhere But Here said:
Hey, when we get the Ho List up and running, you gotta get me that website address. That’ll be some helpful information.
On 11/6/06 at 10:04 am
Li'l Billy said:
All the Mormon girls were easy targets in our town…
On 11/6/06 at 10:09 am
Branwyn said:
Oh look, it’s Mean Girls on paper…haha
On 11/6/06 at 10:48 am
Frogger1995 said:
Sophia Coppola rocks!
On 11/6/06 at 11:36 am
The Thinker said:
Paris Hilton IS talented!!!!
On 11/6/06 at 11:37 am
Nataho said:
In a small town you don’t need a ho list it is kinda like general info who does what…
I guess a digital ho list is for big city people
On 11/6/06 at 12:21 pm
mstreeted said:
are these people like young and naive or something?
oh. wait.
yes. they are.
you’re SO harsh
But it’s so funny
On 11/6/06 at 1:02 pm
jeffy poophead said:
My daughter subscribes to this ‘magazine’ and I’ve glanced at it from time to time…the sad thing being, while you were trying to be funny (mission accomplished by the way!), your answers were better and, in some cases, more realistic!
THREE PAWS to you!
On 11/6/06 at 1:06 pm
zachariah said:
lol…at the top of my page it says “Welcome back zachariah.”
Just thought I’d share…cause it’s a funny name. ]
On 11/6/06 at 1:07 pm
zachariah said:
[quote comment="1481"]lol…at the top of my page it says “Welcome back zachariah.”
Just thought I’d share…cause it’s a funny name. ][/quote]
Hah.
I’m not Zachariah.
Wtf?
On 11/6/06 at 1:31 pm
aberrant iconoclast said:
So all you have to do is go to the airport, and they’ll put your face in a database to call you up for a show huh?
Funny, I got called to do a made for t.v. movie simply by being photographed going into a 7-11 bathroom.
On 11/6/06 at 2:17 pm
Ashley said:
[quote comment="1455"][quote comment="1452"][quote post="446"]
Yes I do…and if you count the ho’s that come out of the closet only when drunk…your list will probably triple!
At least that’s how it is on my campus![/quote]
I need to go there for grad school[/quote]
What school do you go to now?
Oh and I forgot the online whores…
On 11/6/06 at 3:12 pm
Cathy said:
To the girl with the Ho list problem, I’d tell her to add onto that list with a “Teenie Weenie” section…Add a few macho boys…Tada! The list will magically disapear.
On 11/6/06 at 3:35 pm
Anonymous said:
[quote comment="1475"]Sophia Coppola rocks![/quote]
I guess you didn’t watch Godfather 3
On 11/6/06 at 5:05 pm
Katie said:
Today is my birthday bitches! 18 bitches!
On 11/6/06 at 7:45 pm
Trendon said:
Now you are talking my type of shit, Kevin.
[quote post="446"]It would be great it [the Ho List] could be search ready by town, school, and city. The site would be bigger than google. [/quote]
Agreed. I’d have a blast, too. Especially if it came with a tractor beam so I could just suck all the nearby ones into my front door for easy-access fucks.
On 11/6/06 at 8:24 pm
Slapped Yo Mama said:
About that Ho list….well I’m Asian and my last name is Ho. Do I get on this list as well?
On 11/6/06 at 9:10 pm
Trouble said:
NO nO no….the Ho list would never work…..you know the majority of girls on it would all be virgins……their boyfriends only put them on there cause they were mad they wouldnt put out!…