Greatest.NewsStory.EVER
I uh… Yeah Silly Pants sent me this. This is seriously the greatest news article ever.
Police arrest naked man with concealed weapon
Police arrest naked man after he allegedly said he had a tool in his rectum
The Associated Press
Updated: 2:21 a.m. PT Nov 4, 2006EL CERRITO, Calif. – A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors – naked – and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.
The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.
John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.
“You can’t get much more concealed than that,” Horgan said.
Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.
Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon.
“When you’re talking about an awl or an ice pick and you’re dealing with somebody who’s fresh out of prison, it’s a weapon. That’s a stabbing instrument,” Horgan said.
It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.
______________________
Where the hell do I start with this?
1) The tool in the rectum-
“Sir do you have anything on you we need to know about on your person?”
“I have a weapon in my nether regions.”
“That is what they all say…”
Dude had a SIX INCH Awl in his ass….
So it obviously begs the question… Which end was inserted first?
2) He was arrested for “initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure”-
If a guy is found naked jerking off on a stump do you think you can drop the suspicion out of there?
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Only in California. Who jerks off by a nature path? Wouldn’t you rather choose a jogging path? or is it bad enough that this is what I thought of reading this.
I agree, what’s with the suspicion of indecent exposure. Plus, while I want to know which end of the awl was inserted first, I also really don’t want to know.
Well, could they at least spell Pittsburgh correctly?? lol, as for the actual story, no comment….
Wow, thats weird
whoa, californians are retarded
How the HELL did I miss this? I mean, tools up the ass… wouldn’t you think it would somehow trigger my gaydar???
Yep, Men are strange.
“You can’t get much more concealed than that,†Horgan said.
first i laughed a little, then i realized this policeman probably said this line with a deadpan face in a serious tone. then i laughed a hell of a lot more.
Cops in California are assholes (like cops everywhere else). Concealed weapon? It’s one step up from pulling shit out of their asses to charge him with (no pun intended), which is what they usually do. Dicks all of them.
[quote comment="1414"]“You can’t get much more concealed than that,†Horgan said.
first i laughed a little, then i realized this policeman probably said this line with a deadpan face in a serious tone. then i laughed a hell of a lot more.[/quote]
It does make it that much funnier
[quote comment="1407"]Only in California. Who jerks off by a nature path? Wouldn’t you rather choose a jogging path? or is it bad enough that this is what I thought of reading this.[/quote]
you may want to seek help
[quote comment="1408"]I agree, what’s with the suspicion of indecent exposure. Plus, while I want to know which end of the awl was inserted first, I also really don’t want to know.[/quote]
you don’t want to know but you NEED to know
[quote comment="1411"]whoa, californians are retarded[/quote]
What is the temperature in Buffalo right now?
[quote comment="1412"]How the HELL did I miss this? I mean, tools up the ass… wouldn’t you think it would somehow trigger my gaydar???[/quote]
You are slipping my friend… slipping
[quote comment="1413"]Yep, Men are strange.[/quote]
wait how do we as a gender get all lumped into this?
Concealed weapon?!?! Come on, if I were a cop and some dude started fishing around in his ass, I’d get the hell out of there.
Hey hey hey not all californian’s are retarded or gay. My friend say if he was gay he would have wrapped in bubble wrap for “added pleasure” ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ok I think he might be gay. So I’m just going to go with my usual fingerpointing and blame it on men having sex on the brain 24/7, drinking beer and having too many too tools lying around that might resemble sex toys. (not the sharp part) lol
LMAO!!!! yeah police are so stupid… but that guy is just psychotic… i don’t even want to imagine having that tool up my @$$ …
kumo
[quote comment="1409"]Well, could they at least spell Pittsburgh correctly?? lol, as for the actual story, no comment….[/quote]
Actually, i believe Pittsburg, CA is spelled w/o the ‘h’.
sumbitch! That guy will do well in prison if he can handle all thet up his ass……..
So I thought about which side would go in first. I actually sat here for several minutes contemplating the effects of each way, and I’m pretty sure the handle would be better going in first. Just because if you put the sharp in first, you have no way to aim it and that could be painful. Although the electrical tape could have helped with that. I think one of those magnetic screwdrivers where you can attach different heads might have been an ok choice. Without a head, of course.
I wonder about myself sometimes.
OMG!! that IS seriously the best story ever..for sure!! it painfully delighted me! -ouch
[quote comment="1417"][quote comment="1407"]Only in California. Who jerks off by a nature path? Wouldn’t you rather choose a jogging path? or is it bad enough that this is what I thought of reading this.[/quote]
you may want to seek help[/quote]
They said I’m a goner.
He should have worn a gorilla suit. He’d have “gotten off” scott-free.
I guess I don’t get it…the awl in the ass is what made him all hot for himself? Wow. I wonder if he drove there? Because wouldn’t it be painful to sit? They did say he was laying on the stump. Ew.
Oh wow. Ouch. What a weirdo.
At least the cops didnt have to take it out for him – see – there is a plus side to everything. Ew….
WOW, talk about a strange news story!
Sounds like that guy wasnt handling the outside world too well and wanted the security of his cell. Heard something similar about older prisoners who come out after long stretchs, cant handle the future shock or deal with looking after themselves.They go and commit a few felonys to guarantee return to inside. The awl was probably the first thing he bought when he got out… weapon against the wide open world. Sad
I hope there was plenty of tape on the ice pick, mind boggles at insertion technique.. eee
And here I thought I had strange sex toys..
You would think that if you apprehended a naked dude, you wouldn’t see the point to asking that question. Good thing they did though. Can you imagine the look on their faces though.
“Sir, do you have any concealed weapons on your person?”
“Yes, why yes I do actually” *Squats and shits out an awl*
“Holy shit – I was just playing.”
“You know how I know you’re gay..? You have a 6 inch awl up your a$$!!”
I KNOW THIS IS AN OLD STORY BUT I STILL HAD TO COMMENT.A FEW YEARS BACK A GUY IN THIS SMALL TOWN,MY HOMETOWN,WALKED INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM,NEEDING HELP.HE HAD A RUSSET POTATO UP HIS ASS.LOL.SAD BUT TRUE.I’VE ALWAYS GOT A KICK OUT OF TELLING THAT STORY.I WONDER WHAT POSSESSES PEOPLE TO DO SUCH SICK AND STUPID THINGS.LOL
[quote comment="1750"]I KNOW THIS IS AN OLD STORY BUT I STILL HAD TO COMMENT.A FEW YEARS BACK A GUY IN THIS SMALL TOWN,MY HOMETOWN,WALKED INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM,NEEDING HELP.HE HAD A RUSSET POTATO UP HIS ASS.LOL.SAD BUT TRUE.I’VE ALWAYS GOT A KICK OUT OF TELLING THAT STORY.I WONDER WHAT POSSESSES PEOPLE TO DO SUCH SICK AND STUPID THINGS.LOL[/quote]
they don’t go there naturally?
“Sir do you have anything on you we need to know about on your person?”
I would say no and wouldnt be lying ..there was in fact nothing “ON” his person it was IN his person…
he did it to himself, no pity for a stupid criminal..
plus if he didn’t lose it doing the “squat and cough” search procedure on the way to jail he could have used it on someone and became a real winner lol