Movies that will never be made into porn
One of the things that really crack me up about the porn industry is how they can turn any normal Hollywood movie into a porn.
You have such classic hits as:
Pinocchio (It’s not the nose that grows)
Saturday Night Beaver
Sex Wars
A Clockwork Orgy
Edward Penishands
Space Nuts
Dickman and Throbin’
Blackcock (I’m going) Down (ok I am just assuming that is one)
Schindler’s Dick (Schindler sleeps with hot Nazi women in order to save the lives of the Jews)
The porn industry can pretty much turn anything that is a movie into something dirty. In fact I kind of admire that about them. But there are some movies that simply cannot be transitioned into something pornographic. Here is a list of five….
1) The Sound of Music- I hear that in West Virginia there is actually a bootleg porn about an incestuous Von Trapp family. But that is just rumor, I mean really who would want to watch something like that? (I think I am asking the wrong audience that question.)
2) Philadelphia- Nothing sexy about this movie. Nor is there anything funny about this joke.
3) Old Yeller- It’s a story about a boy and his dog…
Who really wants to see something like that?
Calm down Congressman Foley… You look a little too excited over this one.
4) Reform School Girls- Who would want to watch a porn about a movie where the main character Jenny is sent to an all women’s reform school which is run by an evil female headmaster and is full of young slightly troubled women? I mean really, there is NO way that this could be a porn movie plot.
5) Gremlins- Well I mean I guess they could make it about Mormons or Mexicans, when you pour semen on them kids come popping off. However there is no way it would be a hot porn.
What movies do you think could be never made into a porn movie?
[quote comment="1279"]I was going to say the Wizard of Oz could never be made into porn, but then I remembered your audience. Shame on me.
What about Sleeping Beauty? Damn.
You know, maybe it’s not me – maybe it’s your audience. ;o)[/quote]
I think sleeping beauty was about the dape rapist from match.com
[quote comment="1280"]Am I the only person that wants to see All Dogs Go To Anus?[/quote]
…….
(raises hand slowly)
[quote comment="1283"]YENTYL[/quote]
It was kind of dirty in it’s own way.
[quote comment="1285"]Damn… I gotta figure out how to use this comment box…so sorry Kev! Anyway, in response to the above, I wanted to add…
I almost crashed my car running to the video store… johnny depp naked? No brainer![/quote]
That is ok practice makes perfect
Spice World?
[quote comment="1291"][quote comment="1275"]1)
I would say you have issues but to be honest that is what I like the most about you.[/quote]
Awe, how sweet of you to say!
I crossed over to the dark side to read your blog… only because you included Porn to the title.
AND you disabled the comments field on myspace. EVIL! EVAAAAL!
Movie you can’t make a porn out of… ANNIE.
You guys are sick if you say otherwise.
Um…Kevin, I hate to mention this, but I’m thinkin’ your buddy, aka, ‘I held the dog’s legs,’ would be very much interested in a porn version of Old Yeller, Cujo, Lassie, or Homeward Bound…I’m just sayin’
March of the Penguins
[quote comment="1282"]I don’t know about the movie thing, but you had me at “Nazi Women.” I’d like to give them the Third Reich, if you know what I mean. Where can I find these women and have sex with them?
I hope The Sound Of Music never gets made into porn because I have to hear Psycho Bitch play the damn soundtrack 24/7. It’s killing me. The porn would be the nail in my coffin.
(singing) Edelweiss, edelweiss….with my penis I stick you…[/quote]
Now would you be listening to it before or after she did the meth? That music could lead to a huge party.
How about Children of the Corn? No meat there to work with.
Hey now Gremlins could turn into fun little vibrating toys that go faster when they come unto contact with body fluids. The wetter you are the faster they go. The only way to stop them would be to cum and crush them with pressure from the pelvic muscles. Could be potential for a lot of girl on girl for the peeking pervs.
[quote comment="1301"]I crossed over to the dark side to read your blog… only because you included Porn to the title.
AND you disabled the comments field on myspace. EVIL! EVAAAAL!
Movie you can’t make a porn out of… ANNIE.
You guys are sick if you say otherwise.[/quote]
I hope you didn’t catch anything by coming over here.
What the story of an orphan that just wants to find a “daddy” isn’t that what all porn is about in the end?
“Children of the Corn-hole?”
I’m just sayin’…(hangs head in shame…)
Had a good giggle over Wiggle’s Safari, though…my kids love that friggin movie…”Cocky the Cockatoo” anyone? Hey!!! There’s your porn right there!!!!! See, Kev! It IS possible!
I can’t get over the accompanying pic of Foley there. Just works. Yet, disturbing.
[quote comment="1311"]“Children of the Corn-hole?”
I’m just sayin’…(hangs head in shame…)
Had a good giggle over Wiggle’s Safari, though…my kids love that friggin movie…”Cocky the Cockatoo” anyone? Hey!!! There’s your porn right there!!!!! See, Kev! It IS possible![/quote]
I knew someone would pick up on the cornhole reference
I can’t think of any movie that couldn’t be made into porn, sorry. I guess I’m just sick that way.
What about Porn being made into musicals? I for one, would jump at the chance to see Deep Throat on Broadway!
Ice Age could not be made into a porn. I don’t think Airplane! could be made into a porn either, nothing to really work with. Snakes on a Plane: No need to even change the title.
madams family was a killer. “thing” had some goooooood times.
I think they play that every Saturday night..midnight at the Nuart theatre in Santa Monica………wait…maybe thats Rocky horror!
While I don’t have anything to offer by way of Hollywood to Porn…just wanated to say, good post…definitely worth the trip ‘over here’
So I can tell your subscriber-ship went down a bit. Those people are just dumb-asses. I still support your silly ass blogs! I had to laugh at Philadelphia… am I wrong for that…?
Kevin have you ever played the game where each player names a movie and the other players try to come up with porn names for it? It Rocks!!
Anyways . . as per your blog . . I LOVE the Gremlins Idea!!!!
That was fucking Hilarious!!!
I laughed out loud . . Very LOUDLY!!!
I think I scared my boyfreind . . as usual!! lol
[quote comment="1279"]I was going to say the Wizard of Oz could never be made into porn, but then I remembered your audience. Shame on me.
What about Sleeping Beauty? Damn.
You know, maybe it’s not me – maybe it’s your audience. ;o)[/quote]
There is actuall erotic literature about Sleeping Beauty. I believe it’s a trilogy. Yes, I own them.
you dont have to write any of your material at all do you… just throw out a loaded question and voila instant wrongness.
Children of the Corn… no need to change the title really
but if you had to for TM reasons… Children in the corn field, Children and the corn,
Teens of the hardcorn in the corn field.:Country guys and girls find time out for each other in the feilds etc.
I was actually going to say horror movies could never be made into a porn….but that was before I heard of this site BurningAngel.com were they remade the Exorcism into the XXXorcism. Regan was an 18 year old who was so possession the priest had to screw the demons out of her. They actually do tons of Horror movie porn remakes. So bottomline….for any audience, there is no movie you can’t remake into a porn.
Oh crap…I mean possessed. That’s what I get for working while I type a blog responce about porn.
You forgot “On Golden Blonde”.
i actually think the fourth one sounds hot.
How about Dazed and Confused
A porn star would never be dazed and confused about sex. dazed maybe but confused Nope don’t see it.
Dazed and Cum-fused
Raped and Abused (Yes, there are many “rape-fantasy” pornos.)
Roped and Abused
Paid and Re-used
Laid and Re-used
I don’t understand how you can’t see it.
Oh and Philadelphia could be made into porn. Of course it would be Gay porn but hey How about Phil-A-whole-for-ya.
I know thats wrong but those who can’t find the humor in it Well FUCK YOU. it’s a fucking joke