The most romantic quote ever
I don’t have a count yet on the hate mail and everything from yesterday. I figured we should let it sit for a day while all the results roll in. So while we do that let me tell you a little tale about young love.
Back when I was living in Albany I had a period where all my friends graduated and moved out of the area, they were all juniors and seniors when I was a freshman so it was to be expected. I began to make some friends with people that I was working with at the illustrious office supply store Staples. Slowly I became part of a group that included two of my co-workers and their local friends. In this group they have a guy name Nate that hung out with them.
Nate was the guy that caught shit all the time. He was big, dumb, shy and in general a good guy but he was the target for a lot of ball busting. It didn’t seem to phase Nate, he was an extremely good sport about things. I didn’t get on Nate all that much because with me being the new guy in the group I didn’t think it was my place to give him shit.
These guys were all drinkers and we would routinely go out after work. I was their key to the college bar scene and they were my key to the locals’ bar scene, it was a good combination and we hit both of them rather hard. The one thing this group of fellas liked to do was end a night out at a strip club. (Side note: Albany had the best name for a strip club I had ever heard, Silly Sam’s Liquor Stand. That name just cracks me up, yes I am easily amused.)
One night we ended up at a strip club late in the evening, all rather roasted. As we sat in perverts’ row (the front row by the stage) we began to keep tossing money in front of Nate so the girls would go and dance in front of him, kiss him on the cheek, and rubs their mounds of love in his face. As the night progressed it became obvious that Nate was rather fond of one of the girls. We kept trying to convince him to get a lap dance but he refused because he was so shy. The idea of just buying him one was thrown around but in all reality he would have probably either had a heart attack from fright or would have snapped and shanked us all with a rusted butter knife.
Nate was obviously smitten with this lady and we told him that he should just talk to her. Knowing that strippers love to flirt and drain every dime you had we figured that he would at least get some enjoyment and an ego boost from this girl talking to him. Granted we all knew that it was just to take his money because strippers are evil incarnate but to Nate it would be something he probably would hold onto for a bit. So we kept prodding him to talk to her, when she finally took the stage for the last time that night we made sure that the money was flowing his way so she would be all over him.
At this club the dancers would go up for three songs. Nate was silent and shy through the first song, we all began to bust on him and told him to say something to her. After she walked from the other end of the stage back to Nate she began to dance for him again on stage. She turned around and stuck her ass in his face and Nate uttered the most romantic things I have ever heard in my entire life:
“I want to chef your dumper.”
What the hell did that mean? It was the first and only time in my entire life that I saw the entire perverts row of a strip club start to laugh when the stripper turned around with a look of utter disgust on her face asking, “What the fuck did you just say?”
It goes without saying that the brief infatuation between Nate and the stripper was over. We asked Nate why he said that and all he could say was, “You guys wanted me to talk, it was the first thing that came into my head.”
Now I know why nobody ever asked him what he was thinking.
So next time you are cuddling up with a loved one, whisper in their ears, “I want to chef your dumper.” I think we should turn it into the new, “I love you.”
On 11/1/06 at 6:31 am
said:
First bitches…. I still own you
On 11/1/06 at 6:33 am
said:
I dont know if it counts when it’s YOUR blog :p
On 11/1/06 at 6:33 am
said:
First NON blog owner post so NER :p
On 11/1/06 at 6:34 am
said:
[quote comment="1163"]I dont know if it counts when it’s YOUR blog :p[/quote]
Good point… I just actually like pretending I am cool.
On 11/1/06 at 6:35 am
said:
We should all be lucky enough to have at least one friend like that (and god forbid that ‘that guy’ be you). TOO FUNNY. Since no kudos abound here, we’ll give you the Bear “Four Paws Up” rating…
On 11/1/06 at 6:38 am
said:
That gets the Boobie prize, or not.
On 11/1/06 at 6:38 am
said:
You cooler than a liquid nitrogenated cucumber
and good story.. i might tempt my man with that phrase tonight, so if it floats his boat
On 11/1/06 at 6:39 am
said:
now I know why my I’ve never shared your blogs with my husband, he’d be quoting Nate for the rest of my life.
On 11/1/06 at 6:39 am
said:
HAHAHA…Classic…”I want to chef your dumper”…awesome
On 11/1/06 at 6:40 am
said:
*sniffle, sniffle* That was just beautiful. I’m all teary eyed now.
On 11/1/06 at 6:40 am
said:
[quote comment="1169"]now I know why my I’ve never shared your blogs with my husband, he’d be quoting Nate for the rest of my life.[/quote]
Like that wouldn’t get you going?
On 11/1/06 at 6:40 am
said:
I don’t think “i want to chef your dumper” will go over so hot with my girl friend.good blog fucking hilarious.
On 11/1/06 at 6:40 am
said:
Maybe it meant he wanted to toss her salad.. I can see the relation…
On 11/1/06 at 6:41 am
said:
[quote comment="1166"] Since no kudos abound here, we’ll give you the Bear “Four Paws Up” rating…[/quote]
Maybe we can get a bear paw system installed here.
On 11/1/06 at 6:42 am
said:
Poor Nate … did he ever get another chance with a stripper after that?
and btw - just used the line on my future wife - waiting for her reactiong
On 11/1/06 at 6:43 am
said:
[quote comment="1167"]That gets the Boobie prize, or not.[/quote]
Sigh… you said the magic word…. Prize.
On 11/1/06 at 6:44 am
said:
Yeah, I just came here to tell you I don’t really like your stuff all that much….
I want to chef your dumper Kevin.
On 11/1/06 at 6:44 am
said:
[quote comment="1176"]Poor Nate … did he ever get another chance with a stripper after that?
and btw - just used the line on my future wife - waiting for her reactiong :-D[/quote]
I smell face sitting in your future.
On 11/1/06 at 6:45 am
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[quote comment="1164"]First NON blog owner post so NER :p[/quote]
fine rub it in
On 11/1/06 at 6:45 am
said:
[quote comment="1171"]*sniffle, sniffle* That was just beautiful. I’m all teary eyed now.[/quote]
Nothing says romance like chef your dumper
On 11/1/06 at 6:46 am
said:
okay so first off its easy for you to get first when we have to link to get here! and secondly that is the highest quality thing i have read all day! it is now 8:45 am so you are doing good! if there were kudos here i would give you some but since there arent here are 2 verbal kudos!
On 11/1/06 at 6:46 am
said:
[quote comment="1173"]I don’t think “i want to chef your dumper” will go over so hot with my girl friend.good blog fucking hilarious.[/quote]
Just try it man… Just try it
On 11/1/06 at 6:47 am
said:
[quote comment="1174"]Maybe it meant he wanted to toss her salad.. I can see the relation…[/quote]
with jelly or syrup?
On 11/1/06 at 6:49 am
said:
[quote comment="1178"]Yeah, I just came here to tell you I don’t really like your stuff all that much….
I want to chef your dumper Kevin.[/quote]
You are SO getting laid now.
On 11/1/06 at 6:50 am
said:
[quote comment="1182"]okay so first off its easy for you to get first when we have to link to get here! and secondly that is the highest quality thing i have read all day! it is now 8:45 am so you are doing good! if there were kudos here i would give you some but since there arent here are 2 verbal kudos![/quote]
woot woot…. I will take the verbal kudos… you can give more than 2 … I was hoping for 6
On 11/1/06 at 6:53 am
said:
[quote comment="1185"][quote comment="1178"]Yeah, I just came here to tell you I don’t really like your stuff all that much….
I want to chef your dumper Kevin.[/quote]
You are SO getting laid now.[/quote]
It was the “I don’t really like your stuff” that did it for you, wasn’t it.
On 11/1/06 at 6:56 am
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Dude, the Gravatar registration has been down for almost a month.
On 11/1/06 at 6:57 am
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Why does the movie Slingblade come to mind? I assume that Nate is now living in a basement somewhere eating french fries and mustard and the only person who he can relate to is an 8 year old little boy because clearly, he is not getting laid anytime soon. Well unless he comes to my house…I’d do him.
On 11/1/06 at 6:57 am
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Wow, aren’t strippers supposed to play that off anyway and act like they think its sexy? That’s what the extra tip is for I thought??
On 11/1/06 at 6:58 am
said:
[quote comment="1187"][quote comment="1185"][quote comment="1178"]Yeah, I just came here to tell you I don’t really like your stuff all that much….
I want to chef your dumper Kevin.[/quote]
You are SO getting laid now.[/quote]
It was the “I don’t really like your stuff” that did it for you, wasn’t it.[/quote]
totally… it made my nipples hard
On 11/1/06 at 7:01 am
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I can only dream of the day when someone wants to chef my dumper. *sniff*
On 11/1/06 at 7:04 am
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i’m sitting in my history class and the whole back row (including me)just got in trouble for yelling out that phrase and laughing so hard. it was well worth it. thank you.
On 11/1/06 at 7:04 am
said:
I love the strip club! It’s like naked theater with cellulite and cheap beer.
Speaking of strip clubs, I bought The Boyfriend his first lap dance for his last year, for his 26th birthday. That was by far, the funniest encounter I had ever seen, for only $10 bucks I somehow managed to purchase 3 full lap dances and utter embarrassment. It was amazing.
On 11/1/06 at 7:05 am
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Oh and 2 kudos for you.
On 11/1/06 at 7:06 am
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Could’ve been worse…he could’ve told her he wanted to dump in her chefer…
On 11/1/06 at 7:09 am
said:
[quote comment="1189"]Why does the movie Slingblade come to mind? I assume that Nate is now living in a basement somewhere eating french fries and mustard and the only person who he can relate to is an 8 year old little boy because clearly, he is not getting laid anytime soon. Well unless he comes to my house…I’d do him.[/quote]
You’d do everyone but me… slut
On 11/1/06 at 7:10 am
said:
[quote comment="1190"]Wow, aren’t strippers supposed to play that off anyway and act like they think its sexy? That’s what the extra tip is for I thought??[/quote]
I don’t know if there was enough money in the world for that to happen
On 11/1/06 at 7:11 am
said:
[quote comment="1192"]I can only dream of the day when someone wants to chef my dumper. *sniff*[/quote]
Someday if you work hard enough.
On 11/1/06 at 7:12 am
said:
[quote comment="1193"]i’m sitting in my history class and the whole back row (including me)just got in trouble for yelling out that phrase and laughing so hard. it was well worth it. thank you.[/quote]
Once again I help the academics of the world
On 11/1/06 at 7:12 am
said:
[quote comment="1194"]I love the strip club! It’s like naked theater with cellulite and cheap beer.
Speaking of strip clubs, I bought The Boyfriend his first lap dance for his last year, for his 26th birthday. That was by far, the funniest encounter I had ever seen, for only $10 bucks I somehow managed to purchase 3 full lap dances and utter embarrassment. It was amazing.[/quote]
If that isn’t a sound investment I don’t know what is.
On 11/1/06 at 7:12 am
said:
I’d have cracked up if he’d of said it to me. No pun intended there. And what the hell is it supposed to mean anyhow? “Tossing a [chef] salad” perhaps? I’m going to lose sleep on this one I think…
BTW Kevin, good show on bringing so many fabulous blogs over here. I think people like myspace more to meet people though and there is no denying it is one of the biggest social (networking) sites on the net. But I really am sick of hearing that yet another one of my friends has had their profile, picture or blog deleted because some fascist cunt thought it was offensive. But it is good to promote. Ah its one of those fucked up paradoxes that life likes to sling our way. Corporate entities: can’t live with em’ can’t step out of line.
On 11/1/06 at 7:13 am
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I have been trying to chef your dumper FOREVER, Palmer..
On 11/1/06 at 7:14 am
said:
Wow…what’s wrong with that girl…that line woulda definitely worked on me…
ew.
makes me wanna go to a strip club…since I’ve never been…
On 11/1/06 at 7:24 am
said:
Awwwww…I’m calling my boyfriend now to tell him I want to “Chef his dumper”. I’ll let you know how well it goes over. And 6 verbal kudos.
On 11/1/06 at 7:25 am
said:
[quote comment="1202"]I’d have cracked up if he’d of said it to me. No pun intended there. And what the hell is it supposed to mean anyhow? “Tossing a [chef] salad” perhaps? I’m going to lose sleep on this one I think…
BTW Kevin, good show on bringing so many fabulous blogs over here. I think people like myspace more to meet people though and there is no denying it is one of the biggest social (networking) sites on the net. But I really am sick of hearing that yet another one of my friends has had their profile, picture or blog deleted because some fascist cunt thought it was offensive. But it is good to promote. Ah its one of those fucked up paradoxes that life likes to sling our way. Corporate entities: can’t live with em’ can’t step out of line.[/quote]
That is one of the reasons. I was transferring blogs over and I was missing ones left and right. Myspace is just going to be a tool to promote, while the site is free they are making money off of me because of my content. Time to reverse the tables a bit.
On 11/1/06 at 7:27 am
said:
[quote comment="1203"]I have been trying to chef your dumper FOREVER, Palmer..[/quote]
My dumper is clean as a whistle and isn’t going to be carved.
On 11/1/06 at 7:28 am
said:
[quote comment="1204"]Wow…what’s wrong with that girl…that line woulda definitely worked on me…
ew.
makes me wanna go to a strip club…since I’ve never been…[/quote]
You have to go… you just have to.
On 11/1/06 at 7:34 am
said:
That is almost as romantic as when one of my friends said “I want to make a deposit in your speakhole” to a girl while he was completely drunk.
On 11/1/06 at 7:35 am
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I want to chef your dumper?
THAT IS PRICELESS!!!
I am challenging myself, and everyone else here, to utter that phrase just ONE time to your partner. And, no, it can’t be “Baby, have you ever heard the phrase, “I want to chef your dumper!”
On 11/1/06 at 7:37 am
said:
You suck for doing this…sell out.
Oh and I don’t like El Supremo so I can’t support this site.
On 11/1/06 at 7:39 am
said:
That gives culinary artist a whole new meaning. Way to go Nate! I can see the bumper stickers and T-Shirts now and I definitly want in.
A bakers dozen kudos for you Kev.
On 11/1/06 at 7:44 am
said:
So romantic, so loving. Great blog!
On 11/1/06 at 7:44 am
said:
[quote comment="1211"]You suck for doing this…sell out.
Oh and I don’t like El Supremo so I can’t support this site.[/quote]
That was put in there just for you.
On 11/1/06 at 7:44 am
said:
[quote comment="1212"]That gives culinary artist a whole new meaning. Way to go Nate! I can see the bumper stickers and T-Shirts now and I definitly want in.
A bakers dozen kudos for you Kev.[/quote]
Oh there will be a t-shirt
On 11/1/06 at 7:49 am
said:
That was funny, you should chef this fuckin’ web site and stay with myspace. If your blogs weren’t so funny, I would probably not come here to read them. Keep up the good work…
On 11/1/06 at 7:56 am
said:
[quote comment="1209"]That is almost as romantic as when one of my friends said “I want to make a deposit in your speakhole” to a girl while he was completely drunk.[/quote]
Oh I think I might need to use that myself.
On 11/1/06 at 7:57 am
said:
[quote comment="1216"]That was funny, you should chef this fuckin’ web site and stay with myspace. If your blogs weren’t so funny, I would probably not come here to read them. Keep up the good work…[/quote]
Thanks… I know I had to twist your arm a bit man.
On 11/1/06 at 8:01 am
said:
[quote comment="1217"][quote comment="1209"]That is almost as romantic as when one of my friends said “I want to make a deposit in your speakhole” to a girl while he was completely drunk.[/quote]
Oh I think I might need to use that myself.[/quote]
Feel free to use it all you want, hopefully it will work better for you than it did for him.
On 11/1/06 at 8:02 am
said:
When I first started reading this I had no idea where it was going. All I saw was “when I lived in Albany I had a period…” and I started to worry about you Kevin. You’ve been “freaking” alot of things, but a chick is not on of them.
Imma say Chef your dumper meant stick his “prong” through her “poopshoot”>
On 11/1/06 at 8:07 am
said:
[quote comment="1219"][quote comment="1217"][quote comment="1209"]That is almost as romantic as when one of my friends said “I want to make a deposit in your speakhole” to a girl while he was completely drunk.[/quote]
Oh I think I might need to use that myself.[/quote]
Feel free to use it all you want, hopefully it will work better for you than it did for him.[/quote]
Was it a good shot in the balls or a slap in the face?
On 11/1/06 at 8:09 am
said:
[quote comment="1220"]When I first started reading this I had no idea where it was going. All I saw was “when I lived in Albany I had a period…” and I started to worry about you Kevin. You’ve been “freaking” alot of things, but a chick is not on of them.
Imma say Chef your dumper meant stick his “prong” through her “poopshoot”>[/quote]
well was bleeding rectally from alcohol poisoning at one point does that count?
On 11/1/06 at 8:09 am
said:
[quote comment="1221"][quote comment="1219"][quote comment="1217"][quote comment="1209"]That is almost as romantic as when one of my friends said “I want to make a deposit in your speakhole” to a girl while he was completely drunk.[/quote]
Oh I think I might need to use that myself.[/quote]
Feel free to use it all you want, hopefully it will work better for you than it did for him.[/quote]
Was it a good shot in the balls or a slap in the face?[/quote]
Neither, it was a drink on the lap.
On 11/1/06 at 8:11 am
said:
Next time I go to the strip club I’ll have to tell my favorite girl - Alexis - that.
Yea, I go enough with my man to know all the strippers AND their real names..
So maybe they’ll be down with a little ‘cheffin of the dumper’..
On 11/1/06 at 8:12 am
said:
Is it me, or did this story build itself up to a pretty lame ass fucking conclusion? A let down, that I felt could have been presented better.
I will admit that after reading this blog and people’s replies, I feel like fucking puking on my shoes, there are just some quiet people who are beyond my fucking league of disturbed, believe it or not.
I mean why the fuck do people say the most vile things and consider them pick up lines. Just fucking stalk the bitch, blackmail her by holding her loved ones hostage, perhaps leaving their chopped off body parts as a sign to show you’re serious then do as you like with her. Now that’s love.
On 11/1/06 at 8:18 am
said:
[quote comment="1224"]Next time I go to the strip club I’ll have to tell my favorite girl - Alexis - that.
Yea, I go enough with my man to know all the strippers AND their real names..
So maybe they’ll be down with a little ‘cheffin of the dumper’..[/quote]
Can I watch?
On 11/1/06 at 8:28 am
said:
I still think “lets poop back and forth” was pretty romantic. or you could say “I’ll pee in your butt.” that will get a girl everytime
On 11/1/06 at 8:38 am
said:
haha.. funny stuff. WHATS UP!!!
hugs,
hannah
On 11/1/06 at 8:38 am
said:
I’m going to try that line on my wife tonight
On 11/1/06 at 9:01 am
said:
Wow . . i was kinda worried when i saw the title “most romantic quote ever” . .I was worried that you might have been off your meds, Kevin!! But it all ended up funny in the END . . lol . . pun intended!!
My boyfriend is a Chef . . so when he comes home after a long day of . . Cheffing . . i will bring him a beer, and whisper in his ear “Oh baby, I’d really like it if you would chef my dumper tonight!”
Ha! I’ll keep you posted . . . By the way, If i end-up homeless, (because he is English and can’t take a joke) Can i sleep on your couch??
On 11/1/06 at 9:33 am
said:
What I don’t understand is her puzzled look.
On 11/1/06 at 9:52 am
said:
Nothing says lovin’ like using the word “dumper” in a tender moment. ahhhh, I dream of the day when my husband will whisper sweet nothings in my ear and I will hear the word “dumper” thrown in there somewhere.
On 11/1/06 at 10:25 am
said:
I wanted to read something really romantic, but instead, I’m going to……
Well……I’m going to go find something else to read. Cya Kev.