The most romantic quote ever
I don’t have a count yet on the hate mail and everything from yesterday. I figured we should let it sit for a day while all the results roll in. So while we do that let me tell you a little tale about young love.
Back when I was living in Albany I had a period where all my friends graduated and moved out of the area, they were all juniors and seniors when I was a freshman so it was to be expected. I began to make some friends with people that I was working with at the illustrious office supply store Staples. Slowly I became part of a group that included two of my co-workers and their local friends. In this group they have a guy name Nate that hung out with them.
Nate was the guy that caught shit all the time. He was big, dumb, shy and in general a good guy but he was the target for a lot of ball busting. It didn’t seem to phase Nate, he was an extremely good sport about things. I didn’t get on Nate all that much because with me being the new guy in the group I didn’t think it was my place to give him shit.
These guys were all drinkers and we would routinely go out after work. I was their key to the college bar scene and they were my key to the locals’ bar scene, it was a good combination and we hit both of them rather hard. The one thing this group of fellas liked to do was end a night out at a strip club. (Side note: Albany had the best name for a strip club I had ever heard, Silly Sam’s Liquor Stand. That name just cracks me up, yes I am easily amused.)
One night we ended up at a strip club late in the evening, all rather roasted. As we sat in perverts’ row (the front row by the stage) we began to keep tossing money in front of Nate so the girls would go and dance in front of him, kiss him on the cheek, and rubs their mounds of love in his face. As the night progressed it became obvious that Nate was rather fond of one of the girls. We kept trying to convince him to get a lap dance but he refused because he was so shy. The idea of just buying him one was thrown around but in all reality he would have probably either had a heart attack from fright or would have snapped and shanked us all with a rusted butter knife.
Nate was obviously smitten with this lady and we told him that he should just talk to her. Knowing that strippers love to flirt and drain every dime you had we figured that he would at least get some enjoyment and an ego boost from this girl talking to him. Granted we all knew that it was just to take his money because strippers are evil incarnate but to Nate it would be something he probably would hold onto for a bit. So we kept prodding him to talk to her, when she finally took the stage for the last time that night we made sure that the money was flowing his way so she would be all over him.
At this club the dancers would go up for three songs. Nate was silent and shy through the first song, we all began to bust on him and told him to say something to her. After she walked from the other end of the stage back to Nate she began to dance for him again on stage. She turned around and stuck her ass in his face and Nate uttered the most romantic things I have ever heard in my entire life:
“I want to chef your dumper.”
What the hell did that mean? It was the first and only time in my entire life that I saw the entire perverts row of a strip club start to laugh when the stripper turned around with a look of utter disgust on her face asking, “What the fuck did you just say?”
It goes without saying that the brief infatuation between Nate and the stripper was over. We asked Nate why he said that and all he could say was, “You guys wanted me to talk, it was the first thing that came into my head.”
Now I know why nobody ever asked him what he was thinking.
So next time you are cuddling up with a loved one, whisper in their ears, “I want to chef your dumper.” I think we should turn it into the new, “I love you.”
That gives culinary artist a whole new meaning. Way to go Nate! I can see the bumper stickers and T-Shirts now and I definitly want in.
A bakers dozen kudos for you Kev.
So romantic, so loving. Great blog!
[quote comment="1211"]You suck for doing this…sell out.
Oh and I don’t like El Supremo so I can’t support this site.[/quote]
That was put in there just for you.
[quote comment="1212"]That gives culinary artist a whole new meaning. Way to go Nate! I can see the bumper stickers and T-Shirts now and I definitly want in.
A bakers dozen kudos for you Kev.[/quote]
Oh there will be a t-shirt
That was funny, you should chef this fuckin’ web site and stay with myspace. If your blogs weren’t so funny, I would probably not come here to read them. Keep up the good work…
[quote comment="1209"]That is almost as romantic as when one of my friends said “I want to make a deposit in your speakhole” to a girl while he was completely drunk.[/quote]
Oh I think I might need to use that myself.
[quote comment="1216"]That was funny, you should chef this fuckin’ web site and stay with myspace. If your blogs weren’t so funny, I would probably not come here to read them. Keep up the good work…[/quote]
Thanks… I know I had to twist your arm a bit man.
[quote comment="1217"][quote comment="1209"]That is almost as romantic as when one of my friends said “I want to make a deposit in your speakhole” to a girl while he was completely drunk.[/quote]
Oh I think I might need to use that myself.[/quote]
Feel free to use it all you want, hopefully it will work better for you than it did for him.
When I first started reading this I had no idea where it was going. All I saw was “when I lived in Albany I had a period…” and I started to worry about you Kevin. You’ve been “freaking” alot of things, but a chick is not on of them.
Imma say Chef your dumper meant stick his “prong” through her “poopshoot”>
[quote comment="1219"][quote comment="1217"][quote comment="1209"]That is almost as romantic as when one of my friends said “I want to make a deposit in your speakhole” to a girl while he was completely drunk.[/quote]
Oh I think I might need to use that myself.[/quote]
Feel free to use it all you want, hopefully it will work better for you than it did for him.[/quote]
Was it a good shot in the balls or a slap in the face?
[quote comment="1220"]When I first started reading this I had no idea where it was going. All I saw was “when I lived in Albany I had a period…” and I started to worry about you Kevin. You’ve been “freaking” alot of things, but a chick is not on of them.
Imma say Chef your dumper meant stick his “prong” through her “poopshoot”>[/quote]
well was bleeding rectally from alcohol poisoning at one point does that count?
[quote comment="1221"][quote comment="1219"][quote comment="1217"][quote comment="1209"]That is almost as romantic as when one of my friends said “I want to make a deposit in your speakhole” to a girl while he was completely drunk.[/quote]
Oh I think I might need to use that myself.[/quote]
Feel free to use it all you want, hopefully it will work better for you than it did for him.[/quote]
Was it a good shot in the balls or a slap in the face?[/quote]
Neither, it was a drink on the lap.
Next time I go to the strip club I’ll have to tell my favorite girl – Alexis – that.
Yea, I go enough with my man to know all the strippers AND their real names..
So maybe they’ll be down with a little ‘cheffin of the dumper’..
Is it me, or did this story build itself up to a pretty lame ass fucking conclusion? A let down, that I felt could have been presented better.
I will admit that after reading this blog and people’s replies, I feel like fucking puking on my shoes, there are just some quiet people who are beyond my fucking league of disturbed, believe it or not.
I mean why the fuck do people say the most vile things and consider them pick up lines. Just fucking stalk the bitch, blackmail her by holding her loved ones hostage, perhaps leaving their chopped off body parts as a sign to show you’re serious then do as you like with her. Now that’s love.
[quote comment="1224"]Next time I go to the strip club I’ll have to tell my favorite girl – Alexis – that.
Yea, I go enough with my man to know all the strippers AND their real names..
So maybe they’ll be down with a little ‘cheffin of the dumper’..[/quote]
Can I watch?
I still think “lets poop back and forth” was pretty romantic. or you could say “I’ll pee in your butt.” that will get a girl everytime
haha.. funny stuff. WHATS UP!!!
hugs,
hannah
I’m going to try that line on my wife tonight
Wow . . i was kinda worried when i saw the title “most romantic quote ever” . .I was worried that you might have been off your meds, Kevin!! But it all ended up funny in the END . . lol . . pun intended!!
My boyfriend is a Chef . . so when he comes home after a long day of . . Cheffing . . i will bring him a beer, and whisper in his ear “Oh baby, I’d really like it if you would chef my dumper tonight!”
Ha! I’ll keep you posted . . . By the way, If i end-up homeless, (because he is English and can’t take a joke) Can i sleep on your couch??
What I don’t understand is her puzzled look.
Nothing says lovin’ like using the word “dumper” in a tender moment. ahhhh, I dream of the day when my husband will whisper sweet nothings in my ear and I will hear the word “dumper” thrown in there somewhere.
I wanted to read something really romantic, but instead, I’m going to……
Well……I’m going to go find something else to read. Cya Kev.
When I read “I want to chef your dumper” I got the strangest aroma of feta cheese hovering around me.
Those are the most romantic words I’ve ever heard. I think I’ll go harass a stripper with them. See if she’ll let me chef her dumper. I just hope she says no. I’d hate to have to figure out what the hell she just agreed to letting me do.
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Haha–I think chefing the dumpster is either slang for a rim job or something, makes sense to me.
Oh, and in regards to the Q&A over in mymange:
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, are you out yet?
Okay
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, Bitch. There. I’m done.
Hahaha – that is the damn funniest thing I have ever heard….
That’s the funniest thing I have ever heard!!!
“I want to chef your dumper.”
Put that on a tee shirt baby!!!
Great blog!
Silly Sam’s Liquor Stand….hmmm I’m thinking new display name for me!!
oh whatEVER. i get my dumper cheffed all the time. pfft.
fucking hilarious babe. I love your friend.
I can’t wait to use that pick-up line. I’m surprised that stripper could resist it.
Holy Crud I just blew mountain dew out muh nose! dangit! Whatchu gotta go and right funny stuffs like that for? LOL
What the heck was he THINKIN’ that THAT was the first thing to come to mind?!
Wow, there is no other word to use in the face of the magnitude of the sentence”I wanna chef your dumper”. It is A-grade top quality huh? material, that stripper will still be asking people if it means what she thinks. Even after her law degree she worked her clothes off for she will still be wondering.
This is hilarious!
I am seriously going to say that now.
way cool kevin