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Spousal Abuse : A How To Guide

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/31/06 @ 6:02 am

Spousal abuse is something very serious, today (Halloween) is one of the biggest days for spousal abuse (source: Nipsy Russell).

nipsy russell

I think spousal abuse aka domestic battery aka “keepin’ yo bitch in line” is one of the most cowardly acts a man can do. With that being said if you are going to do something, you might as well do it right, so here are some quick and easy tips to make sure that you do.

1) Own a house or rent an apartment with stairs- If you don’t have stairs the typical, “I tripped over the dog and fell down the stairs” excuse won’t work which will force you to be creative. If you are kicking the crap out of your wife you probably aren’t that creative so we need to make it easy on you. I real man would come up with more creative ways to torture their loved one like sticking it in their ass when they aren’t expecting it or complex psychological abuse.

entry stairs

2) Don’t wear rings- Rings potentially can leave identifiable marks that can really screw you over in a court of law. So all you NFL players out there remember to take off those pesky Super Bowl rings!

3) Have some fun with it- What is the point of hitting your domestic partner without being able to have some fun with it? Play some games and share your results with your friends, here is one called “Will she piss herself”. When your dinner is cold just pick up the plate and chuck it into the wall. Start to scream and wait to see if she pisses herself, if she does you win! Of course you should let her know that you are just screwing with her. But remind her to clean that mess up or there will be consequences and repercussions.

So there you go some simple and easy tips for you on this Halloween, does anyone have any that I should add?

Filed in: Questions Answered

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

7 Responses to “Spousal Abuse : A How To Guide”

  1. patty says:

    Enjoy a Safe and Happy Halloween!

  2. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="1160"]*:-.,_,.-:*’“’*:-.,_,.-:*’“’*:-.,_,.-:*
    Enjoy a Safe and Happy Halloween!
    [quote comment="1160"]*:-.,_,.-:*’“’*:-.,_,.-:*’“’*:-.,_,.-:*
    Enjoy a Safe and Happy Halloween!

    Thanks P-diddy I appreciate that!

  3. Marciea says:

    This page isn’t right. I am a victim of spousal abuse, fortunately I got out right before he was planning on killing me, according to his friends and a psycologist he was seeing. I still live with this after 20 years, I don’t trust, I have nightmares, it affected how I brought up my kids, and it’s affecting my current marriage. Spousal abuse doesn’t just affect the here and now, it affects the victim for life. Sometimes I wonder where I would be today if he hadn’t done what he did to me for 4 miserable long years. IT DAMAGED ME FOR LIFE! Men who physically, sexually, verbally, or mentally (which mentally is a part of the latter three) their wives, children, parents, or whomever, are cowards or cannot take control of their own lives and deal with emotional scars they may have themselves.

    I detest this page and hope you will remove it; It is wrong, just plain wrong!

    You know the saying, “You get what you deserve”, well men may think that that is what they are doing to their family but think about what you deserve after you do the act.

    EXAMPLE: My EX, and I stress EX-husband beat on me, cheated on me, sometimes starved me for four long years and now the son of a _____ is dying of stomach cancer. TALK ABOUT “YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE”!

    • Kevin says:

      Way to take things out of context. This is picking on the cowardly act and the “typical” excuses that people give.

  4. Chelle B. says:

    OK, I have one to add:

    Make sure that when you come home and start beating on her that her secret lover (who may or may not also be your favorite taco truck guy) isn’t hiding in the closet with a baseball bat, a pair of brass knuckles and a rusty piece of barbed wire to castrate you with.

    I mean, with gas prices the way they are, you wouldn’t want to have to start going all the way over to the taco truck across town, now would you?

  5. mandy says:

    I had to put up with my EX. I MEAN ex.
    He beat me my kids and raped me in front of my children.
    He still bothers me even still I am with someone else who loves me
    and my kids.
    I put in 12 horrid years with the miserable piece of crap.
    He did not get enough jail time f**** coward.
    To all abused women and survivors my heart is with you.

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