Spousal abuse is something very serious, today (Halloween) is one of the biggest days for spousal abuse (source: Nipsy Russell).
I think spousal abuse aka domestic battery aka “keepin’ yo bitch in line” is one of the most cowardly acts a man can do. With that being said if you are going to do something, you might as well do it right, so here are some quick and easy tips to make sure that you do.
1) Own a house or rent an apartment with stairs- If you don’t have stairs the typical, “I tripped over the dog and fell down the stairs” excuse won’t work which will force you to be creative. If you are kicking the crap out of your wife you probably aren’t that creative so we need to make it easy on you. I real man would come up with more creative ways to torture their loved one like sticking it in their ass when they aren’t expecting it or complex psychological abuse.
2) Don’t wear rings- Rings potentially can leave identifiable marks that can really screw you over in a court of law. So all you NFL players out there remember to take off those pesky Super Bowl rings!
3) Have some fun with it- What is the point of hitting your domestic partner without being able to have some fun with it? Play some games and share your results with your friends, here is one called “Will she piss herself”. When your dinner is cold just pick up the plate and chuck it into the wall. Start to scream and wait to see if she pisses herself, if she does you win! Of course you should let her know that you are just screwing with her. But remind her to clean that mess up or there will be consequences and repercussions.
So there you go some simple and easy tips for you on this Halloween, does anyone have any that I should add?