The wheels go around and around but sometimes they fall off
Yesterday I gave a little introduction to this piece in talking about my favorite car ever, Big Amanda.
Big Amanda went through many experiences with me. We were almost destroyed by a snow plow, we caused a man to run a red light to get away from us after we gave him the finger when he cut us off, and Big Amanda was present for the worst group date in the history of mankind.
In the winter of 1995 I was hanging out with a girl from another school named BH (I would list her name but I googled it and she was the first person that came up, I could just change it but I am way too lazy at this point of the evening). BH was attractive, intelligent, blond, athletic, well off, classy, and totally out of my league. I still would run into her from time to time up until I moved out here and I would think, “what the fuck was she thinking?”
Anyways, we lived about ten minutes away from each other in small towns south of Rochester, NY. In the dead of winter during a horrible snow storm we decided to get together and drive up to Rochester to hang out and do something. What this something was escapes me in my old age but I am sure it was one of the following:
1) Go up to the ghetto and score some rock
2) Get a hotel room and have a massive orgy
3) Drive around pretending we have someplace to go but because we were high school kids we would probably end up at Denny’s ordering something really cheap off of the menu
BH told me that she had two friends that she was hanging out with and that I should round up a couple of my buddies. I called Mark and Marty (remember Marty is the guy that screwed the retarded girl, if you need to get caught up on that story you can read it here) and said that BH had two friends and wanted to hang out, they knew the quality of BH so I figured they wouldn’t say no. Both of my friends were down for it so we headed over to BH’s friends house to pick them up. All of this is so pure and innocent to this point, it all changed as soon as we pulled up.
While I am an asshole, Marty is a supreme asshole, he always was a supreme asshole and because he is such an asshole our friendship is null and void at this point in my life. Back then I just ignored the level of asshole that he was, he wasn’t just an asshole he was a RACIST asshole. When we pulled up to BH’s friends house we noticed that one of her friends was Asian. Marty immediately started saying things like, “Oh great I get stuck with the shovel head.” This was not a good sign because Marty likes to carry things to far, you know like screwing a retarded girl. So when they got into the car he talked about shoveling his driveway for ten minutes, each time he mentioned the word shovel he over emphasized it. The thing is I couldn’t call him out for it without making everything even more uncomfortable than it was so the night had started out shitty.
None of us were supposed to be going up to Rochester this evening because there was a massive snowstorm hitting the area. Since we were cool and utterly stupid we all decided to ignore our parents and go up there anyways. Things were going well after the rocky start, we all were talking about what we could be doing and other important topics such as gossip about the bitchiest girls at BH’s school. The night was going well and the idea that maybe I would get to feel some tit over the shirt began to dance in my head, when all of a sudden my car began to wobble a bit.
My back left tire shot off the car and rolled through traffic as sparks shot from the back. I managed to pull the car over safely as Mark said, “Your tire… it just… fell…. off.”
A police officer pulled over and called a tow truck for us. As we sat there and waited we just figured that the tow truck driver might be able to attach the wheel back on and we would be on our merry way, ah the ignorance of youth. When he pulled up and looked at the car he informed us that, “You guys are totally, utterly, and completely screwed.” He towed the car to his station and dropped us off at the bowling alley down the street, which was in the heart of the ghetto.
Out of the 100 people in there 15 were white and of those 15 we were 5 of them. BH and her friends being from the richest school district in the county where we lived were probably were seeing African Americans for the first time (ok that is a bit of an exaggeration but none of us went to racially diverse school districts). We sat in the bowling alley and debated who would call their parents to come pick them up. Since none of us were supposed to be up in Rochester nobody was exactly stepping forward.
Then a guys pager goes off and BH pulls a Julie from the original season of the Real World and asks, “Do you think he is a drug dealer?” This was loud enough for everyone around us to hear it, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife at this point. I was sitting there thinking that I was about to get the shit kicked out of me because princess over here had never seen a black person. (See living in California for two years did pay off. I got to see people with different skin colors, oh and the LA Riots.)
The debate continued about how we were going to get home. One idea was to have Mark’s sister drive us but she had a smaller car and when called said, “I’ll take you home but not those stuck up bitches.” So this left us with a choice to make we could get the ride home and get the hell out of the bowling alley, in the ghetto, at 1 am or we could say no and hold out for a way to get everyone home. Mark told his sister he would give her a call back so we could figure this out. Our debate lasted all about five seconds when one of the girls said, “We shouldn’t have to call our parents at all because we shouldn’t be the ones getting in trouble. It’s all the boys’ faults.”
Mark was on the phone shortly thereafter and one of the girls had to call their parents. I had survived a date with Ava Braun, lost my car, and was about to be grounded for a month…. and no over the shirt titty feel. It was the worst group date ever.
What was your worst date ever?
[quote comment="989"]Worst date ever…EASY.
We met at a mutual friends party, made dinner plans for the next week at our* favorite restaurant.
He was an 45 minutes late, because I gave him bad directions. Then we get to Destination 1. After we are seated and preparing to order, he asks me what’s good. It was our* favorite restaurant.
[/quote]
It took me a second to get the our thing… my god… I was really hoping that it turned around in the end and you two ended up getting married.
[quote comment="990"]I’ve had many “worst dates ever.” Considering I’ve only been on a total of about 5 real dates in my entire life… my worst dates have taken place in drive thrus and in the electronics department at Walmart.
Yeah, I’ve dated some real classy guys, lemme tell ya.[/quote]
Nothing like looking at shitty cd players at Wallie World
[quote comment="991"]“Kevin,
Besides the GREAT content, the ‘move’ to this site is / was inspirational…I totally agree with your reasoning. And while it may not be as colorful here as ‘over there’, you are still THE master! Would you consider adopting me???
Since there are no ‘fromal’ kudos here to give, I give you a “Bear” (that’s my dog in my MySpace profile picture) rating of FOUR paws!!!”[/quote]
I have never been called inspirational before I don’t know how to handle it
good story Kevin “Kudos” but don’t feel bad about your car I had a old car to called Good Charlotte that busted wheels all the time. But I was little older when I had it so I didn’t get in trouble for be stranded far away. But I did steal my moms car when I was 14 then try to cover it up so I wouldn’t get caught, because at the time she was gone and left the keys at the house. As soon as I left and got the courage to leave I passed my mom and her friend on the road. My ass was like black and blue that night. but it was a treasured adolescent memory.
That’s horrible!! Teenagers are such fucktards. I know I was (I’m much better now though-HA)
My worst date was for a friend (she was going out with this guy and his cousin had just moved to town…) He had really bad tooth decay with some teeth missing. Thinning mullet. And he kinda smelled. We all went to play pool and he informed me (jokingly, I think) up front that he “don’t pay unless he knows he’s goin’ get paid back” wink wink nudge nudge. I just left. I had insisted on driving (Christine the posessed car.) He actually followed me out and tried to kiss… Ugh… It was hideous. I’m not even too obsessed with appearance. But bad hygeine is just not ok.
I still love you out of the myspace realm.
My worst date ever. I had just moved from Orange County, Ca, where I had grown up, to the middle of nowhere, Indiana. My new boss, at my new job, thought I would be “perfect” for her brother, so she set me up on a blind date with him. After an hour at a restaurant and mind-numbingly boring conversation about tractors and combines, of which, being a city girl, I had absolutely no knowledge, he was supposed to take me home, where I could quickly make my escape. Instead, he drives around, and next thing I know, we’re in the middle of the forest, and he’s telling me I can’t get out of the car, because the wild animals will attack me, (being young and naive, not knowing the only wild animals in the area were deer, I believed him and started to cry, which he thought was hilarious). Needless to say, for a while, I didn’t think I would survive the night. Try explaining to your boss that you won’t go back out with her brother because he is Psycho!!! I never went on a blind date again.
[quote comment="1033"]
I still love you out of the myspace realm.[/quote]
Thanks Joni I appreciate it!
[quote comment="1014"][quote comment="979"]Sounds like fun. Wheels falling off of cars is always a good time.
We don’t “date” here.
I did go out with an American for 2 1/2 years. He claims we went on dates in the beginning, but I didn’t think kicking his ass at pool and getting drunk was a date.[/quote]
I call that foreplay[/quote]
That’s what I thought it was….
[quote comment="988"]nice place Kevin! I forgot now what I wrote originally in the myspace blog – OH yeah my shitty chevette, fire engine red that looked like mailbox tearing down the street sounding like a weedwacker[/quote]
ooops, the original blog was about What Was the Worst Car You Ever Owned which somehow became The Worst Date you Ever Had… coincidentally that shitty chevette of mine had a hatchback, with my long legs that was great but one night my girl and I took advantage of that car’s feature in a conservation area and my ass was bitten by mosquitos
Im 26 and the worst date ever happend about months ago. My current boyfriend and I were just startig t ose eachother and my best friend knew he hadnt kissed me yet… I told her prior to the date that if he didnt grow some balls and kiss me then this shit was over. The tension was mounting towards the end of the date, as she kept making sly rude ass comments about balls and my mouth (tact Im telling you) and at the end of the night when he was just leaning in to kiss me she yells “fucking finally you pussy!” Yeah, that stopped him mid track, he walked over to her and said “you have the foulest mouth I’ve ever seen on a woman. If and I eman If I ever take her out again, you will not be invited, do you understand?” He tipped his hat towards me and said “I’ll call you tomorrow, you have a good night” and got in his truck. I was humiliated. She is still my best friend and I think that we’ll end uo getting married one day lol. Anyone who can put this girl in her place holds a special place in my heart
Ok this really sucks and stop being a cry baby about myspace… i miss my myspace kevin and these comment boxes suck too. nice blog though..
[quote comment="1042"]Ok this really sucks and stop being a cry baby about myspace… i miss my myspace kevin and these comment boxes suck too. nice blog though..[/quote]
I am going to be splitting time between the two… Myspace does nothing for me at this point
My best friend is gay, and so he loved the movie “Brokeback Mountain”. I really liked this guy, and he asked me out to go see a movie. I didn’t read any of the reviews of the movies playing at the time, so I asked my best friend what I should see. He said to go see Brokeback Mountain, so for our first date we went to see brokeback mountain.
I think the worst thing is when one of your friends lies to some girl and tells them that you like them. Then either her or her friends end up getting ahold of you and asking you about it. That right there is a really awkward moment. But afterward, if you’re lucky, you can kick your friend’s ass.
Shovel head? WTF? I have never heard that one before…jeeez that’s bad.
Wow Kevin….nice place. LOL
And I have to say that about takes the cake as the worst date, group date at that, I have ever had the horror of hearing about.
I can’t honestly say, that I have ever had a date, group or otherwise, that was that bad.
So what happened next?
What happened to all the *beautiful people* ??
All I see now is dark silhouettes
What Is Haaapppennnnnning ?? Arrrrggghhhhh
Ahh out into the wild blue yonder, its cold and scary out here Kev outside Myspace… Have to bookmark ya, I think the link you put in must of messed something up I couldnt get onto your myspace blog for about 15 trys(or is it a myspace attack to get rid of turncoats?).
Worst date ever was a two parter, first date took her to a large mall to watch a movie and during lunch(chicken avacado sandwich) she spews on the table. I give her benefit of the doubt and next weekend as my brother had come back from sea(he is a sailor) I again take her to see movie but tell her that I am meeting brother in town. Being at the time even more ignorant of women than I am now I paid more attention to brother as he had been at sea for 4 months and she took off. To my car it turns out, which I turned up to with my brother after the movie,about two hours later. She had been sitting in the sun for about three hours all up not drinking or eating. Turns out she is a bulemic(throws up after eating) so she is near dehydrated and cant even stand by her self. Fed her a thick shake and sat with her for a while until she got her sugar levels up and her body temp down. Took her home and dropped her off, the worst bit is I married worse later lol.
Heh, college…
It was late, and I was headed back to my dorm with a girl I met at a random party, only to find out my roommate had a girl in our room with him… the bastard beat me home.
Thinking I was outta luck, the girl pushed me into the bathroom across the hall (see, it starts good…), and things proceeded to get interesting… until one of the guys on my floor comes crashing into the bathroom, trips on the threshold, and therefore doesn’t make it to the stall. Yup, he starts puking all over the floor.
Now, he’s lying on the floor, facing into the bathroom, up on his elbows blowing chunks in our general direction. We’re talking horror movie qualty shit.
The girl pushes me aside and jumps over him while I’m trying to pull up my pants, and poof, she’s gone.
What was the guy expelling all over the tile floor? Yup, a Nick’s Garbage Plate. The macaroni was still whole.
[quote comment="1060"]
What was the guy expelling all over the tile floor? Yup, a Nick’s Garbage Plate. The macaroni was still whole.[/quote]
Sigh… I would kill another human for a plate right now
I was gonna bitch atcha for having to come over here but when I got down here it says “Welcome back Whatakicker”
you ass, ruining my will to bitch at you. pffft
So was he a drug dealer?