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The anal beads story

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/23/06 @ 9:18 pm

This is a story that happened to a friend of a friend. I know the friend of the friend and I don’t consider him the most truthful person ever so I always took this story with a grain of salt, in fact I always considered this story an urban legend or something. As always the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

WARNING: This story is slightly disgusting and sexual in its nature.

My friend Jason came over to my apartment before we were all headed out to go drinking. Jason was really animated about something that had happened and he obviously was really excited to tell us his story. He sat down in our living room and told us the tale of his friend Ben’s recent trip to Buffalo.

Ben had been in the military for a few years, he was home on leave and wanted to drink pretty much every night. We all kept up with him but eventually broke down and had to stop hanging out with him for the good of our livers. Desperate to go out Ben headed an hour and a half away to the University of Buffalo to meet up with some high schools friends at a party. When he arrived at the party he had beaten his friends there and decided to just wait for them so he started drinking.

After consuming some drinks Ben had socialized and had gotten comfortable at the party. It became evident to him that he was getting ditched so he decided to keep drinking and find a girl to hook up with so he had a place to stay.

For the most part Ben did ok with women but a drunk Ben was slightly annoying and on this night drunk Ben was annoying at a party with people he really didn’t know. He was getting shot down left and right, in fact he attempted to call Jason to come to Buffalo and get him. (Jason thought Ben was calling to go out so he ignored the call.) Ben sat around for a bit more when he noticed a girl at the party.

This was back in the late nineties, I guess she would be labeled almost a goth type girl. She had gages in her ears and defiantly stuck out like a sore thumb at a party in Buffalo.

goth girl

Ben decided to start talking to her and they hit it off. She was in an altered condition and was pretty receptive to Ben’s advances. He explained his situation and she invited him back to her apartment, of course Ben accepted and went home with her. When they got back to her place they started making out right away, clothes began to peel off, and they took the action into the bedroom. Our goth chick decided to uh… go down and visit his bits and pieces. All of a sudden she stopped and said she would be right back.

A drunken Ben laid in her bed waiting for her to return, realizing that he was way drunker than he though… Return she did with a strand of anal beads fresh from her freezer.

With a little cajoling and returning to gobbling his knob Ben relented and she placed the beads in his Hershey highway.

Quick riddle…

carson karnack

Q: Ben’s balls, goth girls chin

A: What’s hanging and where they’re banging.

(Sorry back to the story)

As they went on she slowly began to remove the strand until Ben reached climax and then she ripped them out quickly…. And Ben shot… Out of uh… both ends… When he came he shit himself and pretty much half of the bed… It was like Spud in Trainspotting.


Well Goth girl wasn’t very happy because not only was her bed covered in feces but she had some splash back on her face. She grabbed Ben’s clothing and tossed it out onto the porch, which isn’t very comfortable in Buffalo in the dead of winter. Ben ended up calling Jason and begging him (and paying him $50) to come and pick him up.

A week later Jason was at our telling us the story.

So was this just another shitty story or was it urban legend?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

6 Responses to “The anal beads story”

  1. says:

    this seems like an appropriate time to say…. “holy shit!”

  2. says:

    I’m with Melsa…


  3. says:

    Now, you say that he was over-animated and wanted to tell you about this supposed embarassing moment??? I think it leaves one to question if it was really all that horrible for him…..YUCK.

  4. says:

    Was she trying to start a lawnmower? She deserved it! lol

  5. amanda says:

    Its a lie! Someone told me the same story only the girl was asian not goth… Or it happens all the time

  6. well says:

    urban legend.

    it’s always a friend of a friend

    I’ve heard it several times from several different people

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