Seems that the world of myspace has taken a turn for the worse lately with a lot of people at each others throats. You have people creating fake profiles of people they don’t like, people writing hate blogs about people they don’t like, you have people picking fights in comments, you have people complaining about people in groups, and you have people blog jacking or something to that effect.
I used to care about what was being said about me and take things to heart but then I realized it is myspace. Nobody in the real world gives a shit where I rank in the blog rankings, nobody in the real world gives a shit if I won top blogger, nobody gives a shit if a bored housewife in NYC writes a blog about me, and nobody cares about those naked pictures of me with a gerbil in my ass.
To me it is all rather lame and I have taken steps to just kind of walk away from it. It is all a collection of words from people that have nothing better to do with their time. However I can’t turn my back on all of this, being the entrepreneur that I am I have decided to help the world by creating hate products for them to use on myspace.com.
Here is a sample of our products:
Automatic hate profile generator
What you do is plug in the myspace url of the person you don’t like and a hate page is automatically generated. Some of the features include:
-An automatic play on the person’s name for example: The Happy Commuter would be the The Happy Cuntbag or something like that.
-The profile pick will automatically be defiled. It will take the users profile pic and put devil horns and a mustache on them.
-Also it will automatically change the profile information to include random bits that are incorrect, for example: I do work with the homeless would be changed to I abduct and plunger rape the homeless while urinating in their eye sockets.
-It will automatically invite 1000 people that are friends with the other person to confuse them about which profile is real.
Our Auto Club
I set up a nice auto club membership where you can send in the username of the person you don’t like. The auto club will track down the person via their IP address, identify who they are, track down their automobile, and poor sugar in their gas tank.
I am still working on a clever name and cool membership cards.
The virtual bag of flaming shit
This is my favorite product so far. What you do is you leave the virtual bag of flaming shit in the comment section of someone you don’t like. When they go to extinguish said bag of shit it explodes tossing feces everywhere. (We are using super secret military technology for this.) Imagine the looks on peoples’ faces that are myspacing from work or starbucks!
Other technology in development
-A way to control your targets apple ipod cord to give them a wedgie.
-Pre-set up photoshop settings to create picture of person banging their targets mother, girlfriend, husband, father, sister, or dog.
-A search database full of every myspace members embarrassing yearbook photos.
-A 10,000 volt power spike to anyone who decides to use an autorefresher
Does anyone else have any product ideas?