A Great Tourism Idea for Germany
My friend P.A.G.A.N. recently returned from a trip to Germany. Because I am a retard with ADD who can take absolutely nothing seriously, the first question I asked her was “did you see any Jews or Nazis while you were there?” When P.A.G.A.N. asked me how she would’ve been able to tell, I replied: “simple, just look for the Yellow Stars and Armbands.”
I know what you’re thinking…and I don’t know why anyone bothers interacting with me either. However, the above conversation did give me a fantastic idea, one that I dearly hope Germany’s Tourism Board will genuinely consider. Ya know how America has that place called Williamsburg, where Colonial America is recreated, and you can do all sorts of fun stuff, like watch colonists take a shit in an actual chamber pot, bang their mulatto slaves, and break out in festering wounds caused by malnutrition?
Woulde Ye Care for a Free Bearde Ride milady?”
Yeah, that place. Well, how cool would it be if Germany did the same thing, only they recreated 1930s Berlin and called it Judenland? I mean, just think of the myriad possible attractions they could set up at Judenland:
- Look on eagerly as a family of Jews is rounded up in their second floor flat and hurded outside into a waiting truck! Giggle as Grandpa gets a rifle butt to the face when he begs for mercy!
- Goosestep right alongside a gaggle of uniformed Hitler Youth as they enforce Judenland’s 5pm curfew!
- Visit the giftshop and buy your own Aryan-blond whig, Hitler Mustache, or lamp made from human flesh!
- The kids will love playing the many games at Judenland, including Find das Juden, where kids must pick the Jew out from a lineup of 5 people!
- Cap off your day by eating at The Beer Hall (History buffs get that one). Enjoy a delicious Schnitzel while a Hitler impersonator stands at a podium for hours and screams about the evils of Jews and the rest of Europe!
Judanland: Personally Endorsed by Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
So come on Germany, listen to the Donk and step your game up! I even have a slogan for you – Judenland: We’ll Wear Your Skin like a Coat.
PS: Fuck the Nazis and fuck Germany.
That was funny, but I would say there is a good chance you are going to Hell. See you there!
[Comment ID #3207 Will Be Quoted Here]
Save me a burning, fiery, spike-filled seat
Well, this officially ends any chance of you ever getting a job in tourism.
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I never really had a chance anyway, what with my club foot and horribly disfigured face.
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Your horribly disfigured face is a mask that hides a true monster.
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Which in turn hides the soul of a gentle Angel
Judenland! HAHAHAHAHA! I mean, that’s not funny. *serious face*
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You obviously don’t have a degree in Tourism like Donk does or you would see what a brilliant idea this is.
The Google ads for this blog are excellent.
Hitler ringtones!
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Those are out now???? I’ve been waiting for them ever since the release of the Stalin Ringtones last year!
You know, this is actually a really good idea. Tactless maybe, but corporate types paid through the nose for Jane Eliot to show them what it was like to be subjected to discrimination, humiliation and segregation. I’d pay to go to Judenland. I think Germany should embrace their past rather than deny it. We’re inclined to repeat the past if we forget it. And I’d absolutely HAVE TO HAVE a skin lamp.
“Judenland”
We put the “HI” in annihilation!
(p.s. I know by reading your blog that you’re somewhat of a history buff, so if you can find it, read “Last Train from Berlin”. It was written by an American reporter, one of the last to leave, err, escape from Germany before the shit hit the fan for Hitler. Very informative, and it gives a great account of the attitude of the average German citizen at that time)
Hey….they could take it a step further and use Borat’s bitchin’, country-western tune “Throw the Jew Down the Well” as the song in their commercials.
haha! I will go and see it.
They need to reopen Dachau as a theme hotel, where the whole family can sleep together on one bunk and be fed a bowl of water with a piece of carrot in it for a complimentary breakfast.
Those lamps made out of human flesh…wouldn’t they stink?
Please tell me you don’t get paid to write this stuff. Cause I’ll be really pissed if you do. This was beyond not funny. I’m not saying it is offensive, I’m just saying it’s not funny. It as awful, actually.
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This comment makes a lot of sense coming from someone called The Gestapo Fairy
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LOL!! That’s a great slogan for them to use! I’m getting really excited about Judenland now.
That sounds like a really intersting book. I’ll check it out. Thanks!
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Funniest song ever. “Grab him by his horns”
Maybe they can translate it into German?
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Just make sure you don’t use the public showers…..
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Just stay away from the kitchen…those ovens in there are a real killer
[Comment ID #3241 Will Be Quoted Here]
Nah, they dry em out first like jerky. I should know: I made one myself!!
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Thanks Matt!
sounds like fun!! i would pay to see that!!
[Comment ID #3251 Will Be Quoted Here]
Price of Admission: Free
Chance of getting out alive: Zero
ooh, beard ride!! How much for one of those?
[Comment ID #3253 Will Be Quoted Here]
for you, free
Sign me up if there is strudel involved.
Have you heard the song by Stephen Lynch? It is called “Little Tiny Moustache”. It is a good humoured song that I think you would enjoy. You could even play it in the showers for the people who come to visit Judenland!
Goosestep right alongside a gaggle
you called them a gaggle because they goosestep…now that’s funny shit.
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There is definitely Strudel involved…Strudel filled with human remains
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There’s no music in Judenland, just giant speakers theat blare out the Fuhrer’s message day and night, 365 days a year. God I love Judenland.
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It’s the little details that separate the hacks from the true masters, the auteurs.
Good god, Donk. You may be on to something. Although as a New Yorker and a mulatto I really shouldn’t be endorsing this… I might loose my NAACP membership as well as my job at that big fancy Jewish hospital in Manhattan….
I bet people would go.
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I love the fact that you referred to yourself as a mulatto.
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I can pretty much guarantee it. People…are…sick. Heck, I’d go.
I don’t know, Donk. What’s next, Slaveland? Where does it all end?
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Forget Matt. This was slightly offensive and very well written. Exactly what I expected. Thank you Donk.
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It all ends with the Atomic destruction of mankind. Glad you asked?
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Nah, Matt was right. It’s complete garbage!
Well, if it’s endorsed by Donald Rumsfeld it has to be good, right? I mean, he did endorse the War in Iraq.
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Look at that pic of him…..are those dentures? You should know Rove
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That’s exactly what I said…but since I get your sarcasm and cynicism, I knew what you were saying. Seriously, though, aside from Nazi Germany, there is a rich history filled with as much human misery AND lavish luxuries as any other nation. Every country has stories that make one cringe, so I say, as a history buff, you shouldn’t write off (or f*ck off) Germany. It’s worth seeing.
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What, you thought it stunk too? Et tu PAGAN?
Germany is an evil place filled with violent, evil savages. I hear they drink human blood there!
Um, I was responding to YOUR post, so I was saying I get YOU…even though you didn’t seem to get me!
But since you brought up ingesting blood (even if not human), I’ll say Black Forest Ham and let you figure it out. It’s from Germany (so they say), but I bet you’ve had it before and LOVED it.
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see, told ya they drink blood over there. sick bastards
Obviously your stereotyping of German people denotes how little of history you understand. Your foul attempts at humor point out your glaring indeficiencies when it comes to understanding what true tragedy is. Unless you are Native American you have roots in Europe or Asia. All countries in the afforementioned continents have histories in tribalism and warfare. I will never stand up for Nazis or their ideals, but the move against Jews and Blacks was a political move to garner support from the people (most of whom blamed the Jews for the loss of WWI, which resulted in the post-war German depression. Of course it wasn’t, but it was scapegoating). Modern day U.S. often draws attention away from many of its problems by focusing on focusing on illegal immigration from Mexico, which is not really serious but governments love scapegoats. Germany and its allies were humiliated and pissed. They were pulled from a depression and made into an economic superpower by the Nazi regime, so most turned a blind eye to the things they didn’t agree with. Judging by your site, I seriously doubt you would have had the courage to stand up for anything in the same situation. I recall there was an unemployment rating of no less than 43%. When a person can’t put food on the table for himself or his family it can make for some very poor decisions indeed. You stereotype people, and most of your jokes seem to come from spite of others rather than positive humor (I have no problem with spiteful humor, but only if it’s funny). With that said, I don’t see you being a stand-up guy in the slightest (morally or in a comedy club).
I like to believe we live in an age of enlightenment where the overall concern and understanding between people is constantly increasing. Then I read a blog like this where the writer is obviously not an idiot, but who thinks himself so far above a people he knows so little about. Ignorance is the basis of racial intolerance, and often the cause of violent actions.
Did you know a favorite food of Iceland is Hakarl? They take raw shark, bury it in gravel for a few months, and exhume it. Do I think that makes them barbaric? No. I wouldn’t eat it, but to each his own. Try not to be so deftly daft in the future, OK?