"Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet,
detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."

Oct
14

I hate you fake porn

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/14/06 @ 6:30 pm

A few years ago my friend sent me a link to a site that was titled Bang Bus. He said it was the greatest porn website ever. Of course being a depraved, perverted sociopath I went to the site only to leave with utter disgust and disappointment.

bangbus

The premise of the site is that these guys drive around in a van and pick up these random hot girls who they convince to have sex. After their sexual escapade in the van they drop the girl off at some random destination that wasn’t where she was going and speed away at the girl. Not paying her the money they promised or leaving her stranded in some ghetto or something.

Now my problem isn’t with the cruelty at the end of the movie. My problem is that it is fake, which is totally disappointing. Plus after watching a few, fine I mean ALL of them the premise got really old after awhile.

So I would like to propose to the people at bang bus (I also believe that they run the MILF hunter website as well) to expand on the sex and ditch philosophy and take it to new levels. I would like to take this time to over up some different spec scripts to them, these would be the pitches I would make to them if they would take the time to meet with me.

The International House of Pancakes
ihop

My proposal: The guy is sitting in the booth with his camera man when he calls over the waitress and tells her that is sausage is cold. She offers to warm his sausage and they begin to have gratuitous sex right there on the table. The entire time he is having sex with her he keeps telling her he is going to up the percentage of her tip he starts out at the common 15 percent and raises it as the sex session increases. Finally at the end he drops a load in her face and they run out of the International House of Pancakes doing a dine and ditch screaming, “Your tip is to warm the sausage in the microwave instead of your vag, seriously I was hungry not horny.”

The DMV

My proposal: We contact the DMV and see if we can set our sex stud up as one of the people that administer the eye test. When the girl we want comes our DMV plant will begin to administer the eye test. While he is doing the eye test he decides to whip it out and ask her if she can see what letter he is pointing at. Hopefully she will say it is a giant P, if not the scene will be ruined. Because the follow up line from our DMV plant would be, “And I want to give you a big O.” Actually too much hinges on the ability of this girl to talk dirty, maybe we should scrap this.

The Professor

My proposal: A female student enters a professor’s office and debates about her grade. She asks if there is anything she can do to raise her grade? All of a sudden she decided to seduce the professor and makes a move. The two go at it all over the office climaxing in a hot oral sex scene with him shooting his potential love children all over her eyes. As she begins to get dressed she asks if she is going to get a better grade to which the professor replies, “Yes I am going to give you an A. Of course I probably will also be giving you an H an I and V as well.” The girl stumbles off crying as the professor laughs and calls the next student into his office.

You know what? Maybe I am not cut out to write porn for bang bus. I guess that is just another thing to add to the list of things I suck at.

Things I suck at:

-whistling

-snapping

-goal tending in ice hockey

-writing porn

-commitment

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

One Response to “I hate you fake porn”

  1. coolkid says:

    you are the man

© 2006 Pointless Banter - All Rights Reserved || Designed: E.Webscapes || Social Media Consulting: Comedy Central Sound