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detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria."

Oct
11

The Letter

By: Bobby Finstock on 10/11/06 @ 6:34 am

So here is the third part in my series of how to land a convict in prison.

It is time to push forward and compose the letter.

My Dearest Rebecca,

I saw your profile on a website and I thought to myself, “Damn this chick is one hot piece of property.” So I took some time to sit down and write you.

There are so many questions I want to ask you as my knowledge of women’s prison life is limited to what I have seen on Cinemax late at night. To be honest I would hardly call any of those movies documentaries. (Don’t think I am loaded because I have Cinemax it is stolen cable that my cousin got off my neighbors.) Well I probably should save those questions until the end, I am sure you want to know a little about me.

My name is Ted, I am 31 years old and I moved out here to California after living most of my life in Florida. I grew up outside of Jacksonville helping my father work on race boats. We had a family business together until one day he was horrible mangled and killed in a race engine. It was a horrible and tragic day only to be made worse by the fact that he left the business to his new wife who has my ex-girlfriend from high school. (She has a horrible hook nose, while she maybe rich she will always be ugly. Well of course if she gets plastic surgery which she will be able to pay for with my inheritance.) Needless to say the business was ripped apart and I was left without a job.

After drifting aimlessly for years I ended out here in California working on engines for monster trucks like Gravedigger, you may have heard of him. (I don’t want to brag or anything.) I spend my days working on their test engines and the weekend watching NASCAR, I think the soul of the sport has been sucked out of it when they dropped Winston as their main sponsor. But I always will remain hopeful that the redneck appeal of the sport will come back, with all my kinfolk attending in motor homes it just has to happen right? In my spare time I help design different window stickers for my friend Jeff, I do a mean Calvin:

calvin

Other then that there isn’t that much to say about me. I am currently single since I am pretty new out here. I just want to be up front with you and tell you that I am looking more just for conversation because I don’t know anyone out here. Hopefully you have the time and the interest to write me. I just don’t want you to think I am looking for romance, just some correspondence.

So I want to hear about you. I have so many questions. I want to know a little about your case and how you ended up in prison. Everyone has a story to tell and I would like to hear yours. Also do people really make shanks out of toothbrushes? I hope you don’t think I am rude for asking but it is something I always really wanted to know.

Well I hope to hear from you soon. Stay well.

Sincerely,

Ted L.

So does this letter pass the mustard? Should I add or subtract anything? What parts did you like?

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

6 Responses to “The Letter”

  1. [...] Ten reasons why I am worse than Hitler (in response to a hate blog about what I am doing)The Letter [...]

  2. Manda says:

    OMG you are hilarious…send it send it!!!!!

  3. Jodi says:

    This is bullshit, noone would beleive that lame ass story. Ya sure, if your worked fixing moster cars you would have many woman to chose from. If your dad really did die, you wouldn’t come right out and talk about it. What you are doin is fucked and immature. I guess you have way to much time on your hands, at least your not trying to victomize 12 year olds but still. If someone actually beleived u they would be heart broke that u just post there shit all over the web.
    Jodi
    Get a life!!!!

  4. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="1515"]This is bullshit, noone would beleive that lame ass story. Ya sure, if your worked fixing moster cars you would have many woman to chose from. If your dad really did die, you wouldn’t come right out and talk about it. What you are doin is fucked and immature. I guess you have way to much time on your hands, at least your not trying to victomize 12 year olds but still. If someone actually beleived u they would be heart broke that u just post there shit all over the web.
    Jodi
    Get a life!!!![/quote]

    way to spell check maybe I was hitting too close to home.

  5. Crystal says:

    Oh, shut up Jodi. If you have such a “LIFE” what the FUCK are you doing attacking Kevin? Dumb bitch.

  6. Mama Tati says:

    [quote comment="1515"]This is bullshit, noone would beleive that lame ass story. Ya sure, if your worked fixing moster cars you would have many woman to chose from. If your dad really did die, you wouldn’t come right out and talk about it. What you are doin is fucked and immature. I guess you have way to much time on your hands, at least your not trying to victomize 12 year olds but still. If someone actually beleived u they would be heart broke that u just post there shit all over the web.
    Jodi
    Get a life!!!![/quote]

    jodi needs to crawl back into her mama’s coochie and come out with a sense of humor ^_^

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