10 Things I Have Learned from Watching HBO’s Real Sex

HBO’s Real Sex has been on like twenty years at this point. The other night after watching The Wire they had a retrospective of their history and showed a bunch of clips. I would like to take this time to share with you the lessons I have learned from watching the series.

1) The Miss Black Nude Beauty Queen pageant is one you don’t want to miss. They do handstands and shit naked.

2) Pornstars have really shitty teeth.

3) Swingers are never attractive

4) Pornstars can be really funny… “For being a porn star I have very good morals.”- Jenna Haze (she said this before she had a three way with her boyfriend filming it)

5) The only people uglier than swingers are nudists. The nudists on Real Sex are always the last people you would ever want to see nude. “Hey look it’s Uncle Steve………nooooooooooooooo.”

6) Women will pay hundreds of dollars to take a class in how to jerk off their man when they could have saved the money and just asked him a simple question. Plus the techniques the female instructor was teaching them were things that just wouldn’t feel good. I don’t want a girl to do the Jay-Z HOVA hand sign while jerking me off.

7) Listening to an interview with a porn star will drain your will to live. I have actually interviewed one and I know I wanted to slice my wrist by the time it was done.

South American men are much hairier than I am. So I have that going for me, which is nice.

9) A guy spent $16,800 for a threesome with two women… Meaning my car is worth a threesome at the Bunny Ranch.

10) There is a fetish camp where guys saddle up women and ride them around. They call it Pony play….. My sex life is so boring.