(So today I venture out to get my post office box… What I need to do is come up with a persona as to not reveal any personal details. This is where you come in…)
NOTE: I will not be using real pictures of myself to send either they are just used for comedic effect in this blog. Yes I realize I am funny looking.
First the winning lady:
Rebecca from Texas.
Why: Her release date isn’t for over 20 years meaning I will be safe to fuck with her.
Who should write Rebecca?
White Trash Kevin
White trash Kevin was raised in Florida (where approximately 19 percent of the nations white trash lives, it’s true I looked it up on google). Kevin is currently working as a mechanic for a small jet ski team. He passes the time drinking lots of Budweiser and watching NASCAR. His favorite driver is little E because Kevin is still reeling from the loss of his father. In fact his whole rear window of his Chevy Pickup truck is a picture of Calvin pissing on the Ford Symbol. When asked about Calvin White trash Kevin replies, “I don’t know where that kid came from but I love that little fucker pissing on the Ford sign, that is high brow humor right there.” White trash Kevin has some problems with the ladies and just went through a divorce he found Rebecca’s photo and was “revved” up.
Debonair Kevin was raised in an upper middle class family. He has spend most of his life in private schools and loves to speak French for fun. On the weekends he plays in a highly competitive Polo League in Santa Barbara. Currently he is running his father’s chain of jewelry stores and hoping to sell the business off once his father passes away so he can spend his future day trading. Debonair Kevin also is sick of the sophisticated socialites his family keeps trying to set him up with. He says that he wants to find a women that has lived life and enjoys sex in other positions besides the missionary.
Ghetto Kevin aka Wigger Kevin aka Ice Money
Ice Money grew up in the outskirts of Philadelphia. Although he went to high school with Kobe Bryant, Ice Money is down with the hood. He has worked to restore is 75 Impala and likes to refer to himself as a “big baller, shot caller”. He doesn’t like whitey and loves to watch the NBA. Ice Money liked Rebecca’s profile because he thinks she has a badonkadonk (WTF, hold on a second)
badonkadonk- An â€˜ebonic’ expression for an extremely curvaceous female behind. Women who possess this feature usually have a small waist that violently explodes into a round and juicy posterior (e.g., 34c, 24, 38). Other characteristics would be moderately wide hips and a large amount of booty cleavage (i.e, depth of butt-crack).
Ice Money wants to learn how it works on the inside and hopes to “kick it” with Rebecca one day.
Sexy Kevin is all about writing erotica so Rebecca can play with the little man in the boat. He keeps his personal history vague and acts very shy but he writes like he knows how to please the ladies. It’s all about living up to her deepest fantasies on paper and reassuring her needs. Meanwhile Sexy Kevin really is living a life of mystery, possibly married, possible career man… Rebecca will be left guessing when trying to get personal details out of this sex machine.
And Finally …. for the kids out there… we can do this mad libs style, I am too lazy to put noun, verb, etc… so I am just going to insert blanks where you can put words or phrases.
_______ Kevin has spent the last five years of his life ____________. He has decided to write to Rebecca because he feels lonely because he is unable to currently have a relationship due to _________________. ____________ was the last time Kevin did _________. Right now ________ Kevin is working feverishly on _____________. He really wants Rebecca to know______________________. And he would like to share the story about_____________________.
So there you go. You can pick which Kevin you want or create your own Kevin….