Some Parade Magazine Questions Answered

Q. I hear that Bill O’Reilly of Fox News is working on a new book. What’s it about?
—Jay McDevitt, Denver, Colo.

A. It is a heartwarming story about how a guy used to be a on a shitty tabloid show called Inside Edition

and now people that are partially retarded take his word as political gospel. I don’t get why anyone would take people that hosted a glorified gossip show as a news source for politics? What’s next shitty actors running for office?

I forgot what state I lived in sorry. Never mind.

Q. Barbra Streisand looks like she has gained a lot of weight. Why has she let herself go?
—Fran Davis, New York, N.Y.

A. She is as firm as ever.

Q. The tabloids say Kid Rock dumped Miss USA finalist Jill Marie Gulseth via a text message before he wed Pam Anderson. What does Jill say?
—Rob Diaz, Ithaca, N.Y.

A: I heard the message went like this:

My name is KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDD
RRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK, PS -you’re dumped

Damn that was lame.

Q. Has Mickey Rooney ever been honored?
—Tim Kallok, Pacifica, Calif.

A- Could this be the most vague question ever?

He should be honored that Ava Gardner spread her legs for that midget.

Q. Just what do best buds Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong have in common?
—Norma Hicks, New Orleans, La.

A.

But then again I think a lot of us have that in common.

Q. Has David James Elliott done anything since JAG was canceled?
—Jo Henry, Denver, Colo.

A.

Sometimes things just tie together.