At the start of this year I got my first celebrity hate mail from Beth S. from Real World fame.
You can read that blog here.
Since then I have just gotten regular hate mail, which while entertaining is usually poorly spelled and always in caps. I was missing celebrity hate mail. In fact my life kind of felt a little empty without it. (okay not really but I am trying to pull some emotional strings here) That all changed a few weeks back thanks to Patton Oswalt! I know a lot of people out there are saying, “Who the fuck is Patton Oswalt.” Well here is a picture:
Still don’t know who he is? He was on King of Queens, he is a stand up comic… still not ringing a bell? Well unless you watch indie movies or a lot of cartoons you won’t be seeing much of him in the future.
Anyways back to the story, apparently Patton doesn’t like Andy Dick all that much and one of the people that read my Andy Dick blog (which you can read here) forwarded the link to Patton. This is what Patton had to say:
“Wow, what a douchebag. Not Andy, the guy writing about him. Plus he
stole the whole webcam whore thing from Maddox over at
I have officially been called a douchebag by Patton Oswalt! What a crowning achievement! (okay not directly but we did exchange messages and he stood by what he said, but those messages aren’t as funny as just this)
If you look at them they are totally different except for the fact that we both mention the word “cam whore” and use pictures in the blog. Other than that they really aren’t the same. So in Patton’s world ravioli is the same as a cheeseburger because they both use cheese.
I would now like to offer up a big FUCK YOU to Patton and tell him that he stole all his material from Jon Stewart because I saw Patton do a joke about George Bush once and I saw Jon Stewart talk about Bush once too. (Using Patton’s logic I would be 100 percent correct.)
Additionally I would like to offer up 3 reasons why WE are all better than Patton Oswalt.
1) None of us appeared in Taxi.
“So we have this movie with Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah where they drive around in a pimped out cab and solve a crime. It’s like a buddy cop movie except one of the buddies is a black, female cab driver. What do you think?”
“I smell Academy Award, where do I sign up?”
2) None of us have become type cast as the second choice for the role of computer dork.
“We need someone to play the computer geek. Who do you have in mind?”
“No he actually works… We have to go with our second choice.”
SIGH “Fine I guess we can cast Patton Oswalt.”
“Wait wasn’t he in Taxi?”
3) None of us have blown Andy Dick
While this isn’t confirmed I can only assume Patton’s dislike of Andy Dick is related to a lover’s quarrel.
It’s just a shot in the dark.
So there you have it. My second hate mail ever from a celebrity or a semi celebrity. I can’t really tell who is more famous. Beth or Patton but I will take f-list celebrity hate mail any day of the week.