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Patton Oswalt is an asshole, I’ve got celebrity hate mail!

By: Bobby Finstock on 09/18/06 @ 7:10 am

At the start of this year I got my first celebrity hate mail from Beth S. from Real World fame.

You can read that blog here.

Since then I have just gotten regular hate mail, which while entertaining is usually poorly spelled and always in caps. I was missing celebrity hate mail. In fact my life kind of felt a little empty without it. (okay not really but I am trying to pull some emotional strings here) That all changed a few weeks back thanks to Patton Oswalt! I know a lot of people out there are saying, “Who the fuck is Patton Oswalt.” Well here is a picture:

patton oswalt

Still don’t know who he is? He was on King of Queens, he is a stand up comic… still not ringing a bell? Well unless you watch indie movies or a lot of cartoons you won’t be seeing much of him in the future.

Anyways back to the story, apparently Patton doesn’t like Andy Dick all that much and one of the people that read my Andy Dick blog (which you can read here) forwarded the link to Patton. This is what Patton had to say:

“Wow, what a douchebag. Not Andy, the guy writing about him. Plus he
stole the whole webcam whore thing from Maddox over at
BestPageInTheUniverse.com. Sad.”

I have officially been called a douchebag by Patton Oswalt! What a crowning achievement! (okay not directly but we did exchange messages and he stood by what he said, but those messages aren’t as funny as just this)

Basically Patton is accusing me of stealing this blog.
This is the blog of mine that he is comparing it to.

If you look at them they are totally different except for the fact that we both mention the word “cam whore” and use pictures in the blog. Other than that they really aren’t the same. So in Patton’s world ravioli is the same as a cheeseburger because they both use cheese.

I would now like to offer up a big FUCK YOU to Patton and tell him that he stole all his material from Jon Stewart because I saw Patton do a joke about George Bush once and I saw Jon Stewart talk about Bush once too. (Using Patton’s logic I would be 100 percent correct.)

Additionally I would like to offer up 3 reasons why WE are all better than Patton Oswalt.

1) None of us appeared in Taxi.


“So we have this movie with Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah where they drive around in a pimped out cab and solve a crime. It’s like a buddy cop movie except one of the buddies is a black, female cab driver. What do you think?”
“I smell Academy Award, where do I sign up?”

2) None of us have become type cast as the second choice for the role of computer dork.

IT geek

“We need someone to play the computer geek. Who do you have in mind?”
“Brian Posehn!”
“No he actually works… We have to go with our second choice.”
SIGH “Fine I guess we can cast Patton Oswalt.”
“Wait wasn’t he in Taxi?”

3) None of us have blown Andy Dick

andy dick

While this isn’t confirmed I can only assume Patton’s dislike of Andy Dick is related to a lover’s quarrel.

It’s just a shot in the dark.

So there you have it. My second hate mail ever from a celebrity or a semi celebrity. I can’t really tell who is more famous. Beth or Patton but I will take f-list celebrity hate mail any day of the week.

Filed in: Pop Culture

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

15 Responses to “Patton Oswalt is an asshole, I’ve got celebrity hate mail!”

  1. Amy says:

    You’re web cam blog was waaaay better…that is all I wanted to say.

  2. Kevin says:

    [quote comment="1540"]You’re web cam blog was waaaay better…that is all I wanted to say.[/quote]


  3. zawadi says:

    Hey that movie TAXI was good man… that cab was awesome. I loved it when the cop was singing some old mowtown and driving lol.

  4. [...] (Note From Kevin: Fuck Patton Oswalt he has officially made the pointless banter enemies list. Just because of this.) [...]

  5. Dave G. says:

    I now officially hate Patton Oswalt too. CHeck out my blog for the official reason:



  6. JPD says:

    I’m sorry, but Patton Oswalt’s standup is some of the best standup out there today. I disagree with him on the Andy Dick blog, but I can’t diss the Patton. He’s a freaking comic genius.

    • PDXCHawk says:

      To call him a DB for slamming you a little is natural, go fig, but your assessment of his career is waaay off. He does and has done so much more than the few bits you poke at here. Taxi doesn’t blemish his career in the least. He wrote a lot of Borat uncredited, because he wanted Sascha Baron Cohen to get the attention, class move. His albums are genius, and he’s easily, along with David Cross, the best standup comic out there right now, no small feat. The various Comedians of Comedy documentaries are thoroughly entertaining, and P.S. he took Brian Posehn out with him on that tour, since they are best friends.

  7. Jonnie Law says:

    I stand by your right to talk trash on or dislike any celeb of your choosing, even though I’d give a kidney to Patton.

    That being said, could you try going to one of his shows and heckle him whilst recording the interaction? That’d make me a happy panda and maybe you’d get something out of it besides a new asshole.

  8. Cindy says:

    Can’t stand the little troll or his irritating, shrill voice.

  9. Sarah says:

    If Patton Oswalt ever read this… clearly he is jealous of your fame and fortune, dear Bobby!! And I don’t think you’re the first one in the family to be called a douchebag.

  10. Jeff says:

    Who is Patton Oswalt? Really?

    Who are YOU?

  11. John says:

    Just came across this blog and I just want to say that Patton Oswalt is a huge douche. His material is never funny and bores the shit out of everybody I know.

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