Remember that time that bored ass housewife cornered me and made me feel her fake tits

You kind of need to read yesterday’s blog to understand where we are going here.

So let’s set the scene here. I am on summer break after my first year at the University of Albany out here in California. My uncle who is a contractor got me a job on one of his sites. Now before you think that it was some cushy “I am related to the owner gig” let me explain my family. The whole goal of this job was broken down like this.

90 percent- Let’s fuck with Kevin.
10 percent- Let’s teach him a life lesson.

They wanted to show me that I wanted to stay in school because hard labor sucked. So my first week was me moving an entire pile of rocks from point A to point B by hand. The next week was me moving the rocks back from point B back to point A. To say it sucked was an understatement, not because it was physically demanding but because it was repetitive. One of my other tasks would be sweeping the entire concrete base of the building, why? Just because. Of course my cousins and uncle would get a good laugh out of it. But I realized what I had signed up for.

The area we were working in was an upper middle class/rich area of Ventura County. We were able to see all the bored housewives drive around in their luxury cars getting their hair and nails done, shopping all day and in general wasting time until their husbands got home. One of these ladies became the number one fan of the construction workers of the site, everyday she would roll by in her Mercedes and honk her horn showing us her breasts.

They were obviously bought but being a 19 year old male I didn’t care, free tit shots are free tit shots.

Things escalated with our number one fan as one of the workers went to talk to her on her daily drive by. With very little effort he got an invite over to her place for his lunch break where they had sex. It was all rather easy, she picked him up, she dropped him off, and she gave him cash so he could go buy something for lunch. Apparently her husband was a successful businessman that was overseas in Italy and she needed a plaything while she was away. The lunchtime escapades continued on for awhile… They branched out to do it in the car behind the shopping center, public parks, and random other places. It provided us with some entertainment along with some great stories.

One day I was in the back of the building cleaning out the storage container (basically I removed all the tools from the container and put them all back in under the guise that I was reorganizing it… that would be bullshit job number 3). While back there I saw the familiar Mercedes roll up towards me. I just figured that they were looking for a place to have sex and headed back towards the shed just in case that is what they had planned. I didn’t notice that our number one fan was alone. She honked as she got closer and rolled down her window.

“Kevin, come over here I want to talk to you.”

I walked over to the car and stood next to the driver’s side window.

Her: How are you doing? Have you seen me drive up and flash you guys?
Me: Uh yeah it is kind of hard to miss it.
Her: So you have seen my tits?
Me: Yeah.
Her: What do you think of them?
Me: Well I mean from far away they are good I guess.
Her: I think you should see them up close. (She lifts up her shirt.)
Me: Uh… um… (at this point I have no idea what is going on, I just finished my freshman year of college and was just figuring out that women enjoy sex as much as men, but I had never encountered a situation like this)
Her: Go ahead and touch them. (She grabbed my hand and moved it towards one of her breasts.)

Now I couldn’t refuse that offer but it wasn’t exactly romantic, plus with the odd angle of me reaching into the car I wasn’t really sure how to feel her up correctly. I did this awkward tune in Tokyo type of move.

Then I told her they were nice. She thanked me, smiled, and pulled down her shirt. I got a little peck on the cheek from her and she said that she would see me around. The Mercedes pulled off and I was left sitting there trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. At first I was questioning if I should have busted a move on her, then I was swearing at myself for it being so awkward, and then I had to say it was probably good nothing happened because the skeezy framer was the one banging her and I was sure I didn’t want to follow him. With all these thoughts in my mind I started to walk around the building when a sense of pride kind of came over me, I felt like I had some sort of experience right out of the Graduate. A really ridiculous grin appeared on my face as I got close to where everyone was working.

Of course they all stopped and looked at me. They started laughing and then clapping. Apparently they had put our number one fan up to this, crushing my thoughts of her being my Mrs. Robinson. I got my balls busted about it all summer and rightfully so. But it wasn’t brought up ever again really until this weekend when my dear mother had to hear the story.