5 Ways to Make the MTV Video Music Awards “Edgy” Again

As Donk sat reading the day-after write-ups of last week’s MTV Video Music Awards, one common thread seemed to run through them all: the once edgy VMAs were, for the second or third year in a row, as bland as a John Mayer album. And I tend to agree. As much as I love Jack Black, not even he could breath a spark of life into an awards ceremony that is clearly floundering to remain on the cutting edge of the now bloated Awards Show genre.

I mean it used to be easy for MTV to claim the title of “edgiest award show.” Just have Michael kiss Lisa Marie, Britney kiss Madonna, and a bunch of rappers swearing during their acceptance speech and viola, the VMAs were the talk of the town. But hell, nowadays you can tune into the Oscars and see a bunch of rappers swearing during an acceptance speech.

So MTV, it’s time to get serious and make some changes. But not to worry, Donk is here with 5 sure-fire ways to inject new life into the VMAs and regain your title as the “edgiest award show” on TV. Follow these simple steps, and you can’t go wrong.

1. Hold next year’s VMAs in the war-torn Sudanese province of Darfur. Not only will the exotic locale be a refreshing change of scenery, but everyone will be waiting on the edge of their seats to see if those wacky Sudanese guerillas cause any mischief.

“Right this way to your seat mam.”

2. Your host: George Dubya Bush. This goofy frat-boy world leader has it all: he’s controversial, notorious for off-the-cuff remarks, and is mildly retarded. To ensure added entertainment value, keep everything unscripted. dubya does some of his best work when no one’s there to tell him what to say.

“I haven’t seen this many blacks in one room since The Astrodome in the wake of hurricane Katrinas!”

3. Instead of that boring, predictable montage that every awards ceremony has showing all of the people in the industry that have died in the past year, show a montage of people you’re pretty sure WILL die in the next year.

4. The Red Carpet walk has become so blase as to be almost a pointless exercise. It’s time for a full re-imagining. Instead of the typical Red Carpet, set up a huge obstacle course a la Survivor that rests atop a pit filled with broken glass and poisonous vipers. Those that make it across the course without falling to their doom are then interviewed by Corky from Life Goes On, Lance Bass, and Anna Nicole Smith. Oh yeah, and the gift bags? They are filled with Laughy Taffy, Bottle Caps, and a one year subscription to Black Tail magazine.

5. In the grand highlight of the evening, 50 Cent and Eminem perform a rough and tough duet on stage. During the climax of the song, the two embrace and indulge in a lingering, open-mouth kiss.

50 Cent and Eminem accepting the VMA for Best Gay Kiss

So there you have it. Now tell me Donk’s version of the VMAs wouldn’t be the talk of the town. Anyone have some other ideas on how to make the VMAs edgy again? Do you think they’ve lost their swagger in recent years? Do you even give a rat’s ass? have you ever open-mouth kissed Eminem?