Crossover Joins Elite Film Club!
Congratulations to the movie Crossover, which joined an elite club today, according to www.rottentomatoes.com, the site that assigns films a “rotten” or “fresh” rating by averaging together all of its critical reviews.
What elite club did the Urban basketball drama, starring (I’m not making this up) Wayne Brady, join you ask? Why, the 0 percenters, that’s who!
Wayne Brady, breaking stereotypes by playing the first openly gay street thug in Crossover
That’s right, out of 48 critics’ reviews for Crossover, 0 of them were positive. Thus the 0%. Only 4 other films have achieved this level of shittiness in recent years. They are:
Zoom – 2006
King’s Ransom – 2005
Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever – 2002
Pinocchio – 2002
Congratulations to Crossover and to Wayne Brady for taking their place alongside these other memorable films. And, as an added bonus, here are some recent films that ALMOST made the grade:
Alone in the Dark – 2005 – 1%
Yu-Gi-Oh! – 2004 – 2%
Master of Disguise – 2002 – 2%
Battlefield Earth – 2000 – 3%
Half Past Dead – 2002 – 3%
Son of the Mask – 2005 – 4%
My Baby’s Daddy – 2004 – 4%
Fear Dot Com – 2002 – 4%
Christmas with the Kranks – 2004 – 4%
Rollerball – 2002 – 4%
God Hollywood rules. In no way is it sad that the money spent on these clunkers could have educated the entire under-10 population of a small third-world country. Go Hollywood!
You mean to tell me that “Battlefield Earth” was a movie? I thought it was just the longest sight gag ever. Boy, do I feel dumb!
I never wanted to see anything about The Master of Disguise again. Wow.
[Comment ID #1836 Will Be Quoted Here]
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. It fooled many of us. Actually, it was just one long commercial for Scientology.
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Yeah, I made it about 10 minutes into that movie when it was on cable. What the fuck happened to Dana Carvey, one of the funniest guys of the 80s and 90s?
Any critic that was alone in liking a film like Son of the Mask or Battlefield Earth should be shot.
[Comment ID #1840 Will Be Quoted Here]
Indeed. They should have their official Critic’s License and Badge stripped from them.
Although in the case of Battlefield Earth, the critic in question was some dude named Ronald Hubbard
[Comment ID #1840 Will Be Quoted Here]
I’m loading my gun right now. Just point me in the direction.
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Hold on, I’m coming with you. A critic that stupid could be dangerous, maybe even hypnotic. Better not to take chances in this situation. Clear fields of fire, target aquisition, and such.
Wow… Wayne Brady is batting a million! First this, and then the fact that his stint as host of that new show Celebrity Duets is being trashed across the board… and yet this man will make more money than all of us combined this year. Ya gotta love America… No, REALLY. You’ve got to. The President said so!
My mother and I went to see Battlefield Earth when it first came out just because John Travolta was in it. I begged her not to go. By the end of the movie we were ashamed of ourselves as well as him and wanted to snap little rabbits’ necks to allieviate the pain of sitting through that piece of crap movie. NEVER AGAIN.
“first openly gay street thug”
I soooo want to see this now. Right after I watch that Brokeback Mountain thing.
Unfortunately, I haven’t seen any of these, but I WANT to just for the sake of unintentional comedy.
You know, I read that Grisham book that Kranks was based on. Horrible.
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Apparently, I’m too stupid to figure out proper usage of XHTML. Hence my long, running italics. Sure, I can start it, but I can’t end italics. Sorry Donk, sorry God.
Christmas with the cranks isn’t really a bad movie.
It’s not outstanding, but a lot better than other Christmas movies made by people like nat lampoon.
But then again, I happen to adore Dan Aykroyd.
Hey, I liked Yu-Gi-Oh! the Movie…lol Great blog.
[Comment ID #1842 Will Be Quoted Here]
Head for the Scientology Compound in Hollywood
[Comment ID #1844 Will Be Quoted Here]
Nice to see you slumming over here.
Wayne Brady is proof positive that sometimes in Hollywood, you just have to be willing to take on ANY project that comes your way in order to stay famous. Fuck quality control, just go for the greenbacks!
[Comment ID #1845 Will Be Quoted Here]
You actually should be proud of yourselves. You were one of the few people who were able to sit through an entire showing of that Crap-terpiece. So raise your chin and be proud!
[Comment ID #1846 Will Be Quoted Here]
OK, so maybe Donk embellished a little there…but Christ just look at that picture!! You’re going to tell me Wayne Brady isn’t gay?
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If that’s your interntion then you can’t miss with Alone in the Dark. Absolutely laughable.
[Comment ID #1849 Will Be Quoted Here]
Donk to the rescue! Problem fixed assclown.
I had heard that the book was actually pretty good. Not so much, huh?
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Hmmmmm, I think I’m gonna have to go with 96% of the critics and avoid this one.
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I’m sorry…I’m so, so sorry
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lol You crack me up Donk!
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“Assclown”? I love it when you talk all romantic style with me.
So…how the hell do I stop italics after I start them? Huh, smarty bearded man?
Ohhh…These are the movies you buy in the dollar bin and sent to people you hate as christmas presents right?
I’ve heard about them. But I’m admittedly too cheap to buy stuff for people I hate. (I already pay my taxes to the Bush administration- that’s enough money wasted for me this year.)
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only my mystical powers can stop it
[Comment ID #1865 Will Be Quoted Here]
That’s why Donk lives in a windowless compound and doesn’t pay taxes…oh yeah and i have armed, brainwashed followers as well!
Battlefield Earth? Ha!
I was watching “Phenomenon” the other day and I remember thinking about how far John Trevolta has fallen. The only reason I went to see “Swordfish” was for Halle Berry’s tit-bags. Seriously.
Who do you think is whiter at heart; Wayne Brady or Michael Jackson? I’m going with Brady.
[Comment ID #1872 Will Be Quoted Here]
1. Travolta should bow down to l. ron hubbard everyday and thank him everyday for getting him the part in Pulp Fiction.
2. Wayne Brady in a landslide.
I prefer to think that the money could have been spent to install the infrastructure for clean drinking water and sanitary waste management services for third-world countries to prevent one of the leading causes of death…but to-may-to, to-mah-to.
[Comment ID #1894 Will Be Quoted Here]
it’s definitely to-may-to
Oh, and I was wondering was Labor Day also a *family* holiday?
[Comment ID #1911 Will Be Quoted Here]
It was indeed. Farmer V. made what might have been the best burgers i’ve ever had.
Apparently Anthony Anderson kills any movie that he’s in. There were two on that list and then of course we can’t forget the forgettable “Kangaroo Jack.”
[Comment ID #1921 Will Be Quoted Here]
Gee, thanks for reminding me of Kangaroo Jack. I just threw up in my mouth
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Oh, I thought Warren Jeffs was just captured recently?
[Comment ID #1912 Will Be Quoted Here]
It’s good to know he’s mastered his grill. Maybe after I’m back he’ll have to try to impress me with his cooking again.
I’m a great shot with a rifle or a handgun. Any room for me?
[Comment ID #1933 Will Be Quoted Here]
the more the merrier!
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