Grandma Said I Could

Remember elementary school fundraisers? Come on, we all did em. Nothing beats selling $10 candy bars to your family, friends, and perfect strangers so that you can win a boom box that will break sometime during its first week of use (goddamn you boom box, we could’ve been something together).

I was never [...]

Vagina and John Carpenter

There are two things on my mind tonight: Vagina and John Carpenter.
First things first. The other day I heard two women talking about how disgusting penises are. “They’re hairy.” “They smell musty.” “They look like Gene Hackman” (I never understood this one). I’ve heard this discussion time and time again [...]

Lessons I have learned in the kitchen

My nephew the other was dipping his chicken nuggets in applesauce. Everyone that the table made a face but it spurred on a conversation about weird food combinations. Throughout my life I have made a lot of dumb choices with food. Here is a list:

Zima and kool-aid packets- Not only does it taste like shit… [...]

How to turn your daughter into a whore, send her to USC

There is nothing that I enjoy more than a good hazing story. Even better than a good hazing story is one that has is centered around women.
The cream of the crop though is one that has women… wait cheerleaders and… and… PICTURES!

This story might be a old. But I just found it. Apparently the cheer [...]

If I had my own tv network

After getting a concussion the other day, I had a weird dream where I was put in charge of a television network. In the dream most of the programs that I had to choose from were utter shit.
The dream got me thinking though. If I could run a network what tv shows would I bring [...]

I Think I May Be Eating Too Much

I think I may be eating too much. It might be time for me to consider going on a diet or something, but I’m not 100% sure. So help me out. Below you’ll find a list of everything I ate this Saturday. Read it over and let Donk know what you [...]