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The Dick, Andy Dick

By: Bobby Finstock on 08/9/06 @ 10:02 am

Andy Dick is well, a dick.

Last night I made my official debut as a stand up philosopher. I had a great time and I want to thank Trista, Farmer V, Claire, Donkey Sosa, Will, Jeremy, Michelle and Kelly for coming out to support me. I really appreciate the time you set aside to come there last night.

I would like to share with everyone some of the valuable lessons I learned last night at the hands of Andy Dick.

Mr. Dick showed up last night to watch a one of his friends and ended up making it an interesting night for all involved. Let’s just say never has been a name more fitting than his. Here are some lessons I learned from The Dick, Andy Dick.

andy dick

1) Order a drink from the cocktail waitress before you attempt to order a blowjob.

It’s just classier to do that.

2) You should never pose the question give me blow or a blow(job) within the first five minutes of conversation with anyone.

That might not be the proper way to greet someone. I’m just saying, especially someone that is and is friends with people that are read by thousands and thousands of people. Just because someone isn’t famous doesn’t mean word won’t get around for your overall douchebaggery.

3) Dropping the N-Word with no real punch line in a room that is 65 percent African American is the quickest way to get a crowd to turn against you.

That is probably rather self-explanatory.

4) Once the crowd turns on Andy Dick it makes it a hell of a lot easier for someone making their official standup comedy debut to make jokes about him.

Pointing at my friend Jeremy: (paraphrasing)
“Thank god for you Andy Dick is here, now you are the second biggest homo in the room.”

5) There is such a thing as drinking too much and making a total ass out of yourself.

I thought it was all just a myth but apparently you can drink too much and redefine everyone in a buildings opinion of you in one evening.

6) When meeting strangers your opening line should never be, ” Do you have any coke?”

It will give the impression that you are kind of a fading star that has some serious issues that need to be worked out.
So those are the lessons I learned from TV’s Andy Dick last night. These are all lessons you can use in your everyday life; you can thank Andy Dick or me later.

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

4 Responses to “The Dick, Andy Dick”

  1. Holy shit did that happen?

  2. [...] Anyways back to the story, apparently Patton doesn’t like Andy Dick all that much and one of the people that read my Andy Dick blog (which you can read here) forwarded the link to Patton. This is what Patton had to say: “Wow, what a douchebag. Not Andy, the guy writing about him. Plus he stole the whole webcam whore thing from Maddox over at BestPageInTheUniverse.com. Sad.” [...]

  3. [...] Why- I had a run in with Andy Dick one night and he basically acted like the biggest asshole ever. (you can read about that here) Then I wrote about it and Patton Oswalt decided to call me a “douchebag” in an e-mail exchange with someone that reads my blogs. (you can read about that here)Infantilists aka dudes that wear diapers [...]

  4. Gerri says:

    He is just the worst. I loved seeing the video at TMZ of him riding his bike up to a club.. and his friend or whatever riding a bike behind him.. they go up to the door and the bouncer tells them they aren’t coming in. That was great. How unfortunate for you that you met him.

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