Can I strike this from the record of my life?

I love when people talk about their lives and say that they would never change a thing that happened. That they wouldn’t be the person that they were today if their life didn’t go exactly the way it did. To me that is complete and utter bullshit. Everyone has events in their lives that if the events never happened that they would probably be a little bit better off.

These events in the grand scheme of things really didn’t impact who they were or whom they would become. I have a list of these events. Sadly I can’t preface them with saying I was drunk or that I was slipped a roofie or that the sun was in my eyes. Here is the first event of things I would like stricken from the record of my life, I’ll blog about it from time to time.

The “Say No to Drugs Dance” circa 7th grade:

Back-story: My mother and I went out to California to visit my family out here. At that time my cousin was really into metal. He was going out to a concert on one of the nights we were here and was wearing ripped up jeans with spandex shorts underneath, which was stylish in LA at the time.

Fast forward a few months to the county wide “Say No to Drugs Dance”, it was a huge dance that was put on by an area orthodontist that was basically a junior high school dance on steroids. They had a dj, local radio hosts, and it was held at the area college. For some reason I felt that it was a good idea to copy my cousin and rip up a pair of old jeans and wear spandex underneath.

Where was Forbidden and destroyed denim when I needed them? (Fucking skank.)

This was a horrible idea for the following reasons:

1) I made the rips too big
2) This was Geneseo, NY not LA
3) I was in seventh grade
4) I was un-metal as humanly possible
5) I was wearing jeans and spandex, do I need to give more reasons?

So not only were my friends busting my balls about what I was wearing I subconsciously decided that it wasn’t enough, that I needed to raise the douche bag level a notch.

My friend Adam’s older sister was there at the dance and I had a minor crush on her. She was two years older than us and in high school. I felt the need during the playing of Bust a Move by Young MC to go up and dance with her. Dropping down in a crab walk position and gyrating my pelvis towards hers.

Needless to say this did not go over well for the kid wearing ripped jeans and spandex. The look of disgust she had on her face was one that I would only see one other time in my life. When an old, dirty, wheel chair bound, alcoholic, creepy old guy asked a stripper to go to a back room for a lap dance. She accepted with a slight look of disgust on her face, which went to a whole different level when he whipped out a hundred dollar bill and said he wanted five dances in a row. I imagined she used a lot of body spray after.

My friend’s sister recoiled in horror and I was left to slink off back to my group of friends who were rolling in laughter. I think it is pretty obvious that I didn’t hear the last of this for a while. Thank god I did other dumb ass things that would top this. So I think this is something I would like stricken from the record.

What about you? What small event would you like stricken from the record of your life?