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The Quest for Keira Part 2

By: Bobby Finstock on 08/4/06 @ 5:33 pm

The Quest for Keira Part 2

keira knightly

Here is part one if you need to get caught up.

Ok so after I originally posted part 1 of my quest for Keira one of the people that read the blog sent me her agent and assistants contact information. I have sat on that information because I really have no idea what to do with it. So I am going to break down my options and see what you guys think.

The Ron Burgundy Approach


What is it: I write to them and mention to them I am kind of a big deal on myspace. I am a famous blogger and I am read by thousands of people on the most popular social networking site on the whole internet. Also I can mention that I own lots of leather bound books and live in an apartment that smells of rich mahogany. (corrected by El Supremo)

Drawbacks: So I would have to sell myself, I am shitty at selling myself. Plus I have to make myself into something bigger than I am. Of course they wont know that in reality only less than half of one percent of people on myspace know who the hell I am. But remember we need to accentuate the positives.

Advantages: I get to make tons of Anchorman references.

The Will of the People Approach

What is it: Create a petition and beg and plead with the internet community to pass the link around and sign up. With a groundswell of support they would have to cave in and set something up because they wouldn’t want Keira to be looked down upon by movie going adults.

Drawbacks: Its been done a million times before and I look like a desperate douche greatly reducing the possibility of giving her a shocker.

Advantages: Not a lot of effort on part would go into it. I create the petition and walk away.

Photocopy My Junk


What is it: I sit on a photocopier and scan my junk. Then I autograph it but my number on it and send it in.

Drawback: Gerald the gay office assistant could end up calling me. Plus it really isnt all that impressive.

Advantage: I get to sit on a photocopier and scan my junk.

The Stalker Approach

What is it: I can send her a card a day for two months. Then show up at her movie premiere with a camera crew from musicplustv.com for an awkward moment.

Drawback: I will get a restraining order slapped on me and all that postage will add up.

Advantage: Free press for when I get charges slapped on me.

So that is all I could come up with. How should I use the information I have? What would be the best approach?

Filed in: My Life

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

One Response to “The Quest for Keira Part 2”

  1. Tommy says:

    Scan your junk! Scan your junk!!!!

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