The Evil of…

Pointless Banter

So in the last few weeks the website that I created and write for pointlessbanter.net has come under attack for various inane reasons. People might be mad at one writer yet hate the entire site. Or maybe they feel that there isn’t enough personal attention paid to their comments, I didn’t know the reason people commented a blog was to get attention. I thought people commented a blog because they like the writing and were entertained, but I digress. We also have been accused of cheating, being elitist, and I think we got blamed by Sister Mary Francis of the Chicago East Side Diocese for spitting in some lunches for the homeless.

Why stop there? Let’s go over some of the other things that we are responsible for:

(Note: Some of these incidents were done by individual writers but people just lump us all together because we write for the site so I am just referring to each person as pointless banter.)

The Ashlee Simpson lip-sinking incident from SNL

How we did it: A Pointless Banter writer snuck onto the set and changed the backing track. Also someone heckled her about her nose causing her to go into a deep depression ending with her getting a nose job. Also we bribed Lorne Michaels into keeping Horatio Sanz around for four more years, we lied to him and told him that he was really funny.

The Earthquake in Indonesia


How we did it: We had our yearly meeting there, the size of all of our egos in one place shifted the plates creating one of the largest natural disasters in our lifetime.

The Tet Offensive


How we did it: Because we are American hating bastards we talk to the North Vietnamese army and convinced them to attack. We also wipe our asses with the American flag and hang out in North Korea all the time.

The Hindenburg

How we did it: Somebody felt like having a cigarette in the no smoking section. Since we do what we want, well, the results weren’t good.

The Tyra Banks Show

How we did it: Screw it I am blaming Nina totally for this.

The Manson Family Murders

How we did it: A lot of drugs and we played Beatles records backwards. Of course we framed the craziest looking guy we could find.

So there you have it, you now know the horrible truth about us. I also like to kick babies and rape dogs… maybe it is the other way around, whatever is more offensive.

Ok everyone have a great weekend. Remember to check out the show Sunday night and see what questions we use for the dating game!