It Puts the $3.00 Lotion in the Basket
The Donkster usually keeps his personal life well…personal. But I thought this story was so fuckin funny that I just HAD to share it with you guys.
I’m like many a married man, counting down the days until my next “allotted” sexual encounter. What makes it even worse is that my wife is a chronic list maker, and if it ain’t on the list, good luck convincing her organized ass to do it. So the other day I had finally worn Mrs. Donkey down after hours of whining and begging, and she was going to give me a…um, “Sensual Massage with Happy Ending.”
Sweet! While she waited robotically in our conjugal bed, I rushed into the bathroom and rummaged around until I found a bottle of lotion. Cradling it in my arms like the Holy Grail, I brought it to my wife.
“Not that one,” she said, rolling her eyes at me. “That’s my good lotion. It’s $10 a bottle. Go get the other stuff. It’s under the sink.”
“That’s a joke, right? You’re joking?” I asked this out of desperation, even though I know my wife well enough to guess that she was 100% serious as a heart attack.
“Yeah, of course I am. I don’t wanna waste that stuff. Now hurry up!”
Briefly I thought of challenging her, but with my “Happy Ending” hanging in the balance, I wisely admitted defeat. My penis shrank to the size of a clitoris as I moped back to the bathroom to retrieve the $3.00 bottle of lotion, having once again been shown where I stand in Mrs. Donkey’s Hierarchy of Life.
But I thought of a great way to get her back. Ya Know, condoms are pretty damn expensive these days. Next time I bang her, I think I’ll use one of the following instead, just so’s I can save a buck or two:
Donk-
Just make sure the gloves don’t have that powdery white residue. Chafing sucks.
Good point. maybe use some crisco on em?
That’s fuckn’ crazy !
You need to take charge of that bedroom, or take charge of an extramarital engagement brotha !!!
Or just go for the weak spot, “no, I won’t talk to you… I don’t like talking to start with and I’m not interested in your inexorable need to commicate every damn detail of your emotionally charged perception…. quiet and bring me a scotch, now….” I bet you let her talk to you from the other room don’t you, Donk ?!?
How the hell are you going to get that glove on… and then how the hell are you going to get it out of her when your done?
And, I wish you hadn’t brought up the damn peepa’lot…. I went to Boston a few months ago… someone told my wife Fenual (sp who gives a shit)Hall was a great place…. oh, yeah, I needed to be reminded of needing to piss so bad I almost whipped it out and pissed on the brick streets, and had to confront the anonymous jacker in the pubic bathroom…. HRrrahhhhh… A memory I don’t need.
If I hadn’t laughed so hard at the pussywhipped post, I wouldn’t have commented…. the other comment… well I’m still disturbed and uncomfortable.
And, stay out of the fuckn’ bathrooms where the freaks hang out for christ sake !
my penis has 5 heads so it shouldn’t be a problem
damn dude, I read a story the other day about a woman born witha second vaginal oriface inside her external vaginal oriface. Each was functional and she claimed to enjoy sex with each of them and was looking for a guy with a dbl dong to satisfy her… you could be the man !
Holy Hell!!! Do you have her phone number?