Yesterday I detailed one of the games we used to play at my house when I lived back in New York.
The Swank game had gone on for a while and it was fine but it didn’t hold the punch it once did. So I brought home a game that we were playing at work. A game that had to be called off at work because Shawn, one of my co-workers, came into work and said, “We have to call this off I was having nightmares about that video you sent me. I am not even kidding, I woke up in a cold sweat. It’s over and done with you won you sick bastard.”
Basically all the game was to e-mail your friends the grossest sex related videos you could find. It started out with a nerf football being hiked out of a girl’s no no touchy spots to things that I don’t even know that I can reprint here. Let’s just say some things involved horses, midgets, stumps, vomit, urine, and so on… Basically stuff you can find on the Disney Channel.
The fun part about it was you could hear when people checked their e-mail in the house because there would always be someone screaming, “Ah what the? You… That is just sick.” It was all fun and games for a long time. While most of these videos were utterly disgusting it was like looking at a train wreck you had to watch. Most of the time we got a good laugh on this and moved on with our day.
One day though all the fun and good times came to an end with discovery of the intercontinental ballistic missile of gross porn. I was on a website that shall not be named and there was a link that was titled, “I bet you can’t watch all four minutes.” So of course my eyes lit up and I clicked on it. Oh how I wish I hadn’t. The video was a Japanese video that involved, well if you have seen the Aristocrats it was pretty much like one of those jokes happening on video. If you don’t get the Aristrocrats reference just watch this before continuing on:
Click here to get educated
It was just like that except it was not involving kids or animals. But all the bodily fluids were involved and it looked like someone went to Taco Bell for lunch, which is all I am going to say about that.
Of course I figured this video would be the final blow in the contest. I figured it was way to good to e-mail a link to. It must be viewed by everyone and in one sitting. On Friday night we had been drinking and I decided before we headed out to the bar that we should all sit down and view this masterpiece.
All six of us gathered around to watch it on the computer and only one person made it to the end. Marty’s younger brother had to leave to go vomit in the bathroom. Everyone else had a look on their face like they just saw their dog get hit by a car while he was humping their grandmother. The contest was proclaimed over and everyone felt the needed to shower repeatedly.
Four of us continued out to the bar and the video was the topic of conversation. We would recreate some of the weird noises that the Japanese girl made while other people were playing darts. People would ask, “What is that sound.”
We then would have to explain, “That was the sound a Japanese girl makes when a guy pisses on her face and then shits in her mouth while another one tags her from behind.”
Of course we kept making remarks about it and it was coming up in conversation with a lot of the people that were there. By the end of the night we had like 20 people coming over to our apartment to watch this video. Most of the people kept telling us that, “It couldn’t be that bad. You guys are just blowing it out of proportion.” So we all made it to the house, guys had girls lined up, and it was turning out to be a nice after party until… the video was played. At this point in the evening the events are rather fuzzy. I forgot about most of the details. What I do remember is about a minute and a half into the video 10 of the 20 people streamed out of the apartment, mostly saying things like, “That isn’t even funny. You guys are sick bastards. You weren’t lying.”
Another minute into the video a girl turns to the guy she was with in tears and says, “I can’t believe you are making me stay here to watch this. I am walking home.” She took off and left the guy there who ended up drinking like 90 percent of our beer and sleeping on the couch
Finally after most of the room had left I turned to my friend and said, “I guess there is such a thing too much of a good thing.” From that day on I stopped going onto the internet looking for sick porn.
I would ask a question here but I don’t know if anyone is still reading.