Drunken Mistakes Vol 9

One of the cool things about going to school at Albany was that there were drink specials throughout town. For five bucks you could drink all the draft beer you could handle for usually four or more hours. (This was something that eventually was made illegal in New York State.) Because of this you could make it Monday through Thursday spending only twenty bucks. It was an alcoholic college kid dream come true.

Out of all the things I didn’t like about Albany the biggest was how prevalent the Greek system was there. I never got the concept of paying to have friends who half the time you hated and talked bad about anyways. Personally it wasn’t for me but it was HUGE on the campus. The Albany police weren’t a big fan of Greek life either especially two years before the night of this story when they went into a frat house ran by Kappa (that is what they were called I don’t know their three letter name) and found them basically running a train on an unwilling girl. The results of this incident led to the City of Albany putting restrictions on how many people could live in a house together of the same sex. Also it led to the disbandment of Kappa, which was made up of mostly football players, well they were disbanded only officially. Kappa was still around and most of the bars employed Kappa bouncers.

My friends went out on a Wednesday night to the Long Branch and engaged in a five dollar all you can drink night. The crew at the time was me, Feinstein, Cortis and Eric. Feinstein was a tall, lanky, Jewish kid from NYC. Cortis was a short, mouthy, kid from Syracuse. And Eric was a former high school football all-star that could have went to Boston College to play defense end if he committed to put on 30 pounds over the summer (that plan got axed when he figured out what they were really asking *cough do roids *cough). Eric was a big boy and he increased all of our confidence when out with him. We knew nobody would mess with us when we had the Incredible Hulk walking around with us.

We had been at the bar since it had opened in order to grab the best seat in the house so we could binge drink. It might have only been ten at night but it sure felt like it was 5 am. Cortis and Eric went to the bathroom while Feinstein and I held our stools at the bar. Cortis went to the bathroom first and was washing his hands while Eric was pissing. Two kids came into the bathroom and one headed right for the stall and started vomiting everywhere. Eric started to wash his hands and Cortis stood there laughing at the kid because he was hitting everywhere but the bowl. The kid’s friend turned around and asked Cortis, “What the fuck are you laughing at?” (Which come on how are you going to ask that question. It is like watching a girl walk around that is dressed like a total hooker and having them ask you what you are staring at.)

Being a big mouth (also Cortis is the same kid that the first time I met him was pissing on a keg at a birthday party for himself) and having Eric standing their Cortis replied, “I’m watching Sally miss the bowl.” At that point the kid made a charge at Cortis who he was twice the size of only to meet Eric who was twice the size of him. Now this would be a good time to point out that both of these kids were in Kappa. I guess you could consider them the runts of the frat. They all start fighting in the bathroom when the door pops open and they get pushed out into the bar.

Feinstein and I see the commotion from the bar, we also notice that there are about 10-15 Kappa guys right outside the bathroom and they are getting involved. Due to the liquid confidence and seeing our friends in danger we sprung into “action”. I use the term action loosely because it was like trying to put out a forest fire with a super soaker, a losing battle before it even starts.
(I think this is a good point to explain my whole stance on fighting and my record to this point in my life. Playing hockey I had gotten in a tussle or two and always did ok. Outside of hockey my record for fighting from middle school on was like 1-2. Those two losses included me getting soccer cleats stuck into my neck and the other ending with me getting the worst bloody nose I had ever had. I wasn’t a big fighter and never felt the need to kick the shit out of people for any reason.)

So Feinstein and I head over and well… I don’t remember a lot because I was drunk and I might have suffered a concussion. I won’t tell you that we held our own because we didn’t. Well Eric did for a bit but fighting four people at once usually isn’t good odds. Two at a time we were grabbed by the bouncers and tossed out of the bar. We decided to argue with our drunken logic that we didn’t start it and should be let back into the bar with them kicked out. The bouncers laughed at us and reminded us that it was easier to throw four people out over twenty.

We all headed across the street to buy 40s at a liquor store so we could drink and walk home. When we entered the store the guys behind the counter were giving us shit because some of us were a little bloodied and battered. Eric then started walking back towards the bar.
Kevin: Eric what are you doing?
Eric: I left my lucky hat in there. I’ll be right back don’t follow me.

Who were we to argue? Eric walked up to the bouncer and told him that they took his lucky Cornell hat and he had to get it back. The bouncer told him there was no way that he could let him back in there. Eric reassured the bouncer he would come right back out. Their discussion was ended with the bouncer telling Eric, “I am not responsible for anything that happens.”

What happened next was a thing of legend. Eric marched right into the bar and saw a kid wearing his hat. He wound up and knocked the kid out in one shot, grabbing his had at the kid fell. Then turned around and walked out without people taking a single swing at him, he had to have been in there less than a minute. He emerged from the bar and we handed him his forty and marched home for the night, drunk and not realizing how banged up we really all were.

The next morning Eric woke up for class. At this time Eric was in the Criminal Justice Masters program, so no matter how hung over he was he NEVER missed class. His alarm went off and robotically he popped out of bed, threw on a hat, flannel, and headed to his discussion group. He arrived just in time for class to start and sat down with everyone looking at him in horror. His professor looked at Eric and paused for a second before speaking, “Eric are you ok?”

Eric assured the professor that he was fine and was asked to go to the bathroom to take a look at himself. When he made it to the bathroom and looked in the mirror he noticed the huge amount of blood down the front of his shirt and the mess that was on his face. Apparently the night before one of Eric’s teeth went through his lower lip. Eric washed off the blood on his face and saw the wound under his lip. It was starting to close up and it was probably too late for stitches, so he cleaned up the best he could and returned to class. The professor was totally floored that Eric had returned to class and excused him for the class to get checked out.

I was still asleep when Eric returned to the dorm room (he was my RA) and woke me up.
Eric: Kevin wake up you need to take me to the hospital.
Kevin: Why?
Eric: Look at my face?
Kevin: Holy shit, that sucks.
Eric: I guess that is what happens when you fight 20 guys. I’ve never seen four people lose a fight any more gracefully than that.

The moral of the story: Take a look in the mirror before you head to class. And don’t pick fights with friends of the bouncer.