You’ve Been Swanked

(Note: This was part of my blog for tomorrow but the second half is so long I decided to split it into two. Plus I feel like a hack for not posting a real blog today.)

For some reason I was thinking about this the other day. Maybe it was the whole I know the guy that held the dogs leg story, or maybe I was just missing the old days.

There was a period of time that I rented a house with a bunch of my friends. At various times there was up to six guys living in a house at one time. Living with that many people meant there was lots of shenanigans and tomfoolery to go around. Here are some of the games we have played:

Swanked

One of my friends bought a copy of Swank which is just about one of the more disgusting porn magazines out there that doesn’t cater to some weird fetish. Before you ask why is it gross let me just say one thing, I really am not into seeing all the way up into a chick’s small intestines. I think that statement sums it up the quality of the magazine.

Anyways we used to “Swank” each other. Which meant we would rip out a picture and leave it in a socially awkward spot. It started out just leaving it on someone’s windshield when you spotted their car about town. (Yes we had pictures in our car, don’t ask because I honestly have no explanation for it.)

Then it graduated to when a guy was bringing a girl home from the bar someone would race back to the house and put a picture by the comforter or under the sheets. One time I was hit by that and it turned out to be one of the ultimate cock blocks of all time because instead of getting it on I had to launch into an hour long conversation with the girl about what my porn viewing habits were. By the end of the conversation she just wanted to go to sleep.

I found out who hit me with this swank attack and I plotted revenge. Marty (THE Marty that slept with the retarded girl) had been the one to do it and it just so happened that his mom was coming by the house to visit. The kid scraped and cleaned the entire house because he didn’t want to leave a bad impression on his mother. Ten minutes before his mother was to arrive I went into the bathroom and left the Swank by the toilet and then dumped some shampoo on one of the pages to make it looked like someone had dropped a load on it.

Needless to say his mother was not impressed when she went to the bathroom upon her arrival.
Tomorrow: I bet you can’t watch all four minutes. How Japanese porn can cock block, make you puke, and turn you off to porn forever.