The first and only Kevie awards

(Note: Yesterday’s blog was the attempt at the most offensive blog ever…Which was the joke within in the joke. I need a life.)

Well there has been a trend in the blogging community on myspace lately to do awards. There were awards of Mr. and Ms. Myspace, there is currently a blogging awards show that is going on like the Oscars, and there have been awards blogs in the past.

For awhile it was a fun thing to do to expose people to other blogs and it was something that was kind hearted and fun. The Librarian did a set of awards which was a good time, Howard Roark has done awards, and there have been other people in the past that have done them. Now it has kind of turned mean spirited and people have been campaigning, the whole thing has spiraled out of control.

{Turn sarcastic tone on high}

Now I think the whole thing has gotten rather egotistical and self serving. Also I think having awards where like a fraction of the people are voting and making generalizations is rather pathetic and arbitrary. That is why I haven’t mentioned them or pandered for votes. However I kind of feel like I am missing out and I have decided to hold my own awards for the myspace blogging community.

So let me tackle a few of the questions that you are all saying:

Why do an award show if you think they are egotistical and self serving?

Because I feel that I reach a large audience and it would make for a more complete award show.

How do we vote?

Vote? What do you think this is? Do you know how much time and effort it takes to set up all that shit? Screw that I am going to be the lone voter, I feel that I can be fair and well I am too lazy to do anything else.

What are the categories?

Well lets get right to it. I always believe in diving right in. Lets announce the winners right now!

The Blogger voted most likely to get shot in Compton:

I would give this guy five seconds to live, white guy fro Compton= Multiple Stab Wounds

Best Picture of a Myspace Blogger:

Who would have thought to ever take a picture in the mirror? Original effort if I do say so myself.

The Sexiest Bitch on Myspace:

The picture says it. Since I read it on the interweb it must be true.

Blogger voted most likely to end up a victim of a horrible crime:

You can just see “plunger rape” written all over his face.

Cleanliest Blogger on Myspace:

I wouldn’t touch his dick without rubber gloves either.

Blogger voted most likely to join the Ice Capades:

Fag.

Sexiest male on myspace:

Finally someone to bring home to mom ladies, don’t fight over jumping this guys bones.

Tastiest Blogger on Myspace:

I heard he tastes like a combination of Old Spice and Ball Sweat

AND FINALLY..

The largest sex machine on myspace:

He can get bitches do anything.

So there you go I won every award in a sweep. Nothing has happened like this since Titanic.

For winning theses awards I get a Kevie:

As I said some of these awards blogs are rather self serving. I am happy to say that mine were all above board and well deserved. I would like to thanks all the winners.

{Turn sarcastic tone off. }

In fact give yourself a Kevie!

For what you ask?

Whatever you want, you name the category and you can earn the award. Paste the picture on your page or blog if you want. I don’t care. Do you want a Kevie for making oatmeal this morning? Go ahead it’s yours.

To me the biggest cliff hanger is… Who is going to win for: I took a shit today and when I wiped the toilet paper was clean?

I know I am out of the running on that one.

So name the category you want to win the award for…