A Kind Word of Advice for Shopping Malls: Shove your Play Areas Straight up your Ass

So today I decide to meet my sweet, beautiful Mrs. Donkey for lunch at an outdoor mall. As we left the restaurant and entered the small outdoor plaza area, Donkey’s jaw dropped. What I saw horrified me almost as much as the first time I saw Farmer Vincent in swim trunks (shiver).

In this tiny little plaza area there were all these little fountain things that spurt water out at intervals. The area was obviously built for kids to use, and holy FUCK were they using it. Here it was on a Friday at noon and there were no less than 75 kids and their Yenta moms crowded into this area having one big Tard Party. It was like a fuckin water park. All the kids were wearing swim trunks, there were beach towels everywhere, and the aroma of sunscreen and turds hung thick in the air.

The whole thing just disgusted me and got me thinking about a couple things:

1. When did it become law that every fucking mall in the country has to have a Disney-Sized play area in it?

Above: Harmless Play Area, or Dante’s 9th Circle of Hell?

2. Why is this country sooo obsessed with entertaining its children every waking moment?

3. Couldn’t these women (and I’m not being sexist here – it was literally 100 percent women).