The most offensive blog ever is going to have to wait. It turned out to be a little bit of a mess and I want to rework it. (Well all my blogs are a mess this was just really bad.) So I decided to throw out some random thoughts which I haven’t done in months.
But because every single person that has a blog on the internet posts a thing called random thoughts I have decided to change my random thought column title to:
Thoughts I had while taking a dump and reading Nancy Drew
It just has a certain ring to it.
It was actually shortened from its original title: Thoughts I had while taking a dump and reading Nancy Drew while wiping my ass with the work of JRR Tolkien.
-Why doesn’t the government do studies on things I want to know about? Like who has children more recklessly African Americans on welfare, Mormons, or Latino Catholics?
- Has anyone had a better movie career than Larry B. Scott? Karate Kid, Space Camp, Revenge of the Nerds, and Iron Eagle I would put those four movies up against anyone’s career. Plus he was technically the first gay hero in any movie:
- I think expectant mother parking is the biggest crock of shit ever, first of all how can you prove if you are pregnant or not. Is it wrong that every time I see a female park there I want to punch them in the stomach to see their reaction? I know if they openly weep and scream, “My baby” that they weren’t lying and deserve the spot.
- If Ann Coulter wasn’t blonde and somewhat attractive (despite her huge Adams Apple) wouldnt she just be the equivalent of some crazy homeless guy?
- I think I have figured out that the only good Asian driver ever was:
He could drive a tricycle like no other…. Drunk no less.
(yes that was two “Revenge of the Nerds” references in the same blog)
-Is every tropical storm going to be major news throughout hurricane season this year? It’s totally going to be the new blonde girl missing story. I don’t care about either thing. Unless the blonde girls was Paris Hilton so I could openly root for a hacked up body being found.
- In the last two weeks I had my back waxed, cuticles messed with, a grey patch died, and I watched “Cassanova”. At this point I am having some serious doubts about me. If I start fake tanning please end my life.
- I think I might go ahead and write a book entitled “What to Do with a Dead Hookers Body: And other things guys should know” Then maybe I could be the new Dr. Phil and give advice to guys and help them turn their lives around. Here are some show ideas:
How to snort cocaine of a strippers ass properly
How to beat that drunk driving charge
Roofies: How much is too much
Sorority Girls are Easy
Mother Theresa and Rosa Parks, it might have been the highest lesbian selling porno of all time
Retarded Girls, are they easier to score with?
How to shit on command so you can take a dump on your boss’s chest
Part I-Selling the fact that Abortion is the best way to go
Part II- The wire coat hanger and it’s many uses
What other show ideas could I go with?
(Kathy can I get a talley here?)