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A Very Serious Blog

By: Bobby Finstock on 05/31/06 @ 7:31 am

Today I am going to tackle a serious topic in my blog. I know it is a bit out of the norm for me to address serious subjects but once in awhile things need to be discussed in an open forum. It’s something that is no laughing matter and it a huge choice for men, something we deal with once we hit puberty. Today the discussion topic for my blog is: ball hair.

Female pubic hair has been a discussion for years. I believe that argument has been settled with shaved and landing strip being the winning answers. However when dealing with men it never gets discussed, nobody talks about it. Obviously it is common knowledge that it must be maintained but what is the socially acceptable norm? How come there are no nicknames as there are for women: jungle bush, little Hitler, landing strip. There are no jungle balls, corn husk strands or even a little Larry Fine.

larry fine

Question 1: bic or not to bic?

In a casual conversation the other day a girl said that she like for a guy to be shaven down there. I don’t know about other men but me running a bic over my balls does not sound like the safest thing ever. I know how many times I cut myself shaving, why would I want to risk cutting anything down there? Plus do I apply toilet paper to my cuts down there? What is the procedure? Do women like the look of a ten year old boy?

On the flip side does the removal of hair make it look bigger? Does it mean that the balls are going to end up in the mouth just a little bit more? I needed an answer right away so I asked everyone’s favorite Canadian Bean:

“I don’t care either way. A nice smooth sac is nice though.. I’m more apt to tongue it.”

And there you go.

You see I am a close trimming type of guy. I did go through an artistic phase while back in college. I decided to grow it real long and then trim in shapes like they do with the bushes at Disneyland. Of course I got stuck after I did an elephant, an anteater, and a giraffe drinking out of water but when he got exited he would be eating out of a tree.

elephant bushes

(not actual size)

Question 2: what are some nicknames?

I have decided to throw out some nicknames for the pubic hair styling of men. If you would like to come up with some of your own in the comments please do so. But I think we should vote and come up with acceptable nicknames that we can use in everyday conversation.

Shaved is now called the Danny Pintauro

Why? Because I will always think of him as Jonathan from “Whose the Boss?” and never once the entire time that show was on the air did he probably have a single ball hair. Also I think he prefers them to be bald while bouncing off of his chin, so it’s like a double definition there.

Trimmed is called the Chuck Norris

chuck norris

Why? I think that the whole Chuck Norris joke has been beaten into the ground but apparently a lot of people still like it. So by latching Chuck Norris to the named of neatly trimmed balls might give this project some legs. Plus you have to be pretty tough to put scissors down there and the final job should resemble his beard.

For the people that trim around the middle but never get the sides it is called the Larry Fine

larry fine
Why? Because I wanted to make two Larry Fine references in my blog sue me.

For people that just let it go it is called

(for black guys) the Clarence Williams III
clarence williams III

(for white guys) the Larry Dallas

Larry Dallas

Why? Come on… Do I need to explain?

So there you have it people. Do these nicknames work? Should we brainstorm and think of something else? Did you have me pegged for a trimmer?

Just so many questions.

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

One Response to “A Very Serious Blog”

  1. Thierry says:

    In French, one calls that a “cat”.
    What do you reckon?

    I must say that a shaved pubis generally puts me right off… I find this really weird :-(
    I don’t know why some people do that and – strange enough – people shaving their pubes do not appear even know why they do so…


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