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Parade Magazine Questions Answered

By: Bobby Finstock on 05/14/06 @ 8:31 pm

Q. Sharon Stone’s Basic Instinct 2 was raked over the coals by the critics. Was it as bad as all that?
-Leticia I., Scranton, Pa.

A. Was the first one even that good? Talk about someone that made a career of a couple of movies. Look at here career she has 70 credits on IMDB.com and after Casino her best movies were Total Recall, Basic Instinct, and how could I forget Action Jackson… That is not a shining resume.

Why is she even famous? Oh that’s right she crossed and then uncrossed her legs showing off her snatch… Way to go Sharon Stone.

Q. Why would Michael Eisner, who once reigned supreme at Disney, agree to do a talk show on a little-watched cable channel like CNBC?
-Albert Fields, Corpus Christi, Tex.

A. Little known fact Eisner really was trying to get a spot on Playboy’s Night Calls:

night calls

He didn’t make the cut for some reason.

Q. My brother-in-law says the late Steve McQueen raced through San Francisco in a Ford Mustang in the 1968 movie Bullitt. I say it was a Dodge Charger. There is a $10 bet riding on your answer. Who wins?
-Bob Sasko, Lewes, Del.

A. We haven’t had a bet letter in awhile. I just want to say this has been the cheapest bet by far. If I screened the letters for Parade I would only take ones that the bets were significant. Maybe the wife will give up anal if she is wrong, something juicy. It’s hard for me to get emotionally invested in a ten dollar bet between two people that I don’t know.

Q. Donald Trump’s older kids, Donald Jr. and Ivanka [ages 28 and 24], seem to have turned out well. How much credit does he give to their mom-his ex, Ivana?
-Lloyd P., Rutland, Vt.

A. I am not even going to touch the question because I have a feeling the parenting wasn’t exactly done by their parents. When you have a nanny and caregivers it’s really hard to give credit to your parents. But I want to talk about Ivanka…
ivanka trump

What is the deal with her face I can’t figure it out? Are her cheeks too big? Is her jaw too small? There is something going on with her face that bugs me and irritates the hell out of me. Can someone please figure this out for me?

Q. Is it my imagination, or are the outfits being worn on the LPGA tour getting shorter and shorter?
-H. Bailey, Charleston, S.C.

A. This is what Natalie Gulbis is going to wear for the majors this year.

And yes I will be watching. Dikes on spikes is dead… Long live hot female golfers. Plus the trophies are getting hotter:

golf trophy

Q. I’d like to know what happened to ABC’s The Bachelor: Paris. Are the doctor and the woman he picked in the last episode still together?
-Roseanna Conser, Fort Wayne, Ind.

A. It’s been a few months so I am prepared to talk about this. It was emotionally wrenching for me that he didn’t bring Sarah B. further along. Sarah B. is perfect girl.

1) She’s hot

sara b bachelor

2) She isn’t as educated as him. So when they argue he could just whip out the following line: But are YOU a doctor? The ultimate debate closer right there, what could your comeback be to that?

3) She’s Canadian. Canadian girls rule: down to earth, like beer, like hockey…

4) She’s young and impressionable. He can basically shape her into the person he wants.

It was a total win situation. He gets the perfect girl and she gets out of Canada… But alas he decided to use his 15 minutes of fame to pick the nice girl so every girl in American falls in love with him. Now he can bang these new girls over and over when they find out that relationship with the nice girl didn’t work. Wait a second maybe I approached this the wrong way?

Filed in: Questions Answered

About the author

Bobby Finstock

Finstock is founder of Pointlessbanter.net. He is known for his encyclopedia like knowledge on the life and times of Scott Baio. In the future he hopes to write again under his own name in order to impress the ladies and build his celebrity to the levels of other failed internet writers.

One Response to “Parade Magazine Questions Answered”

  1. adam says:

    to answer the question on donald trumps half wife, half bigfoot; her eyebrows are to flat excentuating her forehead. go warp the photo and just bring up her eye brows, and shes totally hot.

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