I was reading Rolling Stone on the crapper the other day and they mentioned something about the new Fall Out Boy video. “…inspired by The Lost Boys, Kung Fu Hustle and the classic sci-fi novel I am Legend” was the phrase that kind of peaked my interest.
I have heard of Fall Out Boy, I know they are big on MTV, thus they are huge with teenage girls, therefore must suck. Plus I know that they have a cute bassist according to various message boards, this is Pete Wentz.
Now Pete doesn’t sing. He plays bass. I have never heard of a band before that has the bass player that doesn’t even sing as the main face of the band. I always thought the bass player was usually the least talented guy musically or maybe the little brother that wanted to join a band. Knowing that he was the face of the band and isn’t even the lead singer or some guitar god totally discredited them before I heard anything.
To say I have ever listened to any of their music would be a lie. But I figured this video would be my first exposure So here is the video for the good people that haven’t seen it… Plus this video is supposed to be epic so I had to watch.
Here is the video:
Lets begin the review: (Due to the fact it didn’t have a timer on it I had to go by the even that is happening on the screen at the time it goes in chronological order.)
Fall Out Boy Presents- Oh I am sitting on the edge of my seat already comic book writing… This is going to be high end. (see I can be positive)
A Little Less Sixteen Candles- If I was John Hughes I would sue them and urinate on their dead bodies. The sad thing is most of Fall Out Boys fans don’t even know about this movie.
Dude and a chick are about to make out- OH NO Vampire cock blocking. Is there anything worse? Sucked off is going to have a whole new meaning shortly.
Attacking Vampires- Apparently hot blonde vampires prefer to hunt their prey in mini skirts and slut boots
Semper Fi- Thank god the marines are here to save the day. Oh what? It’s an emo tool wearing a marines uniform? This is going on the pamphlet for sure to hand out at colleges and high schools.
Uh Oh Gun Trouble- But thank god Pete is there to save the day… He offers up a very intense line notifying us that they are vampire hunters then does the gayest leap off of the cliff ever. It was worse than watching Leonardo DiCaprio play basketball in “The Basketball Diaries”.
GRATITIOUS PRODUCT PLACEMENT- V-cast cell phone.
Case number- Ah so here we get the back story… Our vampire friend drinks a cocktail and is obsessed with getting revenge on the people who turned him. I liked this better when it was called “Blade”.
Wake up Vampire- ITS TIME TO ROCK! Wait, is he sleeping in a locker?
Did we need the shot of the puppy licking his face? Give me a fucking break.
No wonder why he is the face of the band the lead singer has a beer gut and shitty side burns. Oh sorry back to the video.
Montage mixed with the singing The vampire guy is angst filled, the drummer has ninja skills and the lead singer smashed something. I feel like I know these guys.
Oh its Pete the Vampire’s first kill flashback…. It kind of looks like a circle jerk. Oh he cant do it, he let the girl go… It’s an all out brawl. He’s such a billy badass.
Back to the music and his vampire bass skills are rocking the house! The only way to make his bass playing interesting is to walk on the walls.
Token black vampires… Way to go guys, you don’t want to alienate the hip hop fans on MTV. The latest 50 Cent video is up next… Nice way to plant the seed.
Note: Black gangsta vampires and white punk vampires don’t get along Just for future reference.
Wait now there is a third vampire gang that wants to fight the vampire hunters… Oh my… It’s going to get nasty its going to be “A Beat It” like dance fight? WTF?
The lead singer aka head vampire hunter is getting bitten- I’ts the only time girls are going to be surrounding him with that punk bitch bassist in the band. Wait, Mick Mars gets laid who am I kidding? See once again a woman is sucking a mans will to live I think there is a hidden message here.
So its all out vampire carnage… He is fighting a vampire that makes sparks with his hands. Since when is sparks a threatening thing for vampires? Seriously because if it worked don’t you think people would be stocking up on those lame sparklers from the fourth of July in every vampire movie ever… It’s easier to get than holy water.
He is going to take out the head vampire and…. and…. The cops come? The undead can toss each other through walls and do these amazing kicks and flips yet cant take out four members of the LAPD?
Oh wait the cops are in with the head vampire, they are vampires… It was all a ruse to take down the vampire hunters… It all ends on such a down note… Enjoy getting raped in vampire prison Pete.
So in summation Fall Out Boy sucks… I wish I didn’t watch it 7 times in order to write this shitty blog. I should have just written about bukake and anal fisting like I usually do… Enjoy your weekend everyone